Page 45 of The Enemy's Defector
I swallowed, wishing I could weasel out of this conversation a little longer. The timing still wasn’t right, dammit. The last thing I wanted to do was burden him with more responsibilities or more things to figure out and plan for. I had months to go in this pregnancy, but even the mere news about it at this stage would feel like a tidal wave of an issue to contend with.
“What were you going to say?” he asked. It very well could’ve been an order, not a question, with how steely he’d said it.
“I was going to say…”
Internally, I cringed and wished I could avoid this right now. But that was a sign of weakness. That was stupid. If he didn’t want to take on the news of a baby, then fine. I’d handle it. I was already resigning myself to running away and hiding from my uncle forever. And if Nik wanted nothing to do with me after knocking me up and nothing to do with our child, fine. I’d raise him or her on my own. I had always wished for a spot inthe Ivanov family, a strong and loyal group of fine people, but I wouldn’t let my hopes soar that high again.
Tell him. Get it over with and tell him. Then deal with the aftermath.
“I was going to say that I can’t risk an infection of any kind when my immune system will be weakened.”
A long moment of silence followed. I felt every second of his hard stare on me, but I refused to lift my head and face him. He took over that detail. Using two fingers, he tipped my chin up and gazed at me expectantly.
“Why would it be weakened?”
I sighed, hating how tense this was.
“Are you ill?” His stony expression turned into something like grave worry. “Katerina?”
I shook my head. “No. I’m not ill. But I’m… pregnant.”
Now that the news was out there, I held my breath. With my secret hanging in the air between us, all I could do was wait for his reaction.
“You’rewhat?” Standing too quickly, he let the wet cloth fall to the floor. He loomed over me, staring down at me with a thunderous expression.
“Pregnant,” I repeated, schooling my features to hide how nervous I was. He didnotseem happy.
“You’re pregnant?” He sat back down, moving too fast and not looking at where he was going so that his butt almost missed the edge of the table. Correcting himself without missing a beat, he didn’t look away for a millisecond. “Pregnant?”
I nodded.
“You were a virgin.”
I blinked once, hating how much this instinct to burst out laughing came at me. This wasnotfunny. There was nothing comical about his being so furious and alarmed and pissed about this news that I was so happy about deep down. This baby was amiracle. A blessing. It broke my heart that he wouldn’t think the same.
In the way that some people laughed at tense and awkward moments, I had to stifle this urge to giggle. “Yes.” I nodded. “Past tense. Iwasa virgin.”
He stood again, seeming eager to move and work through this shock, but then he clumsily dropped back down to sit across from me again.
“You were a virgin that night.” He narrowed his eyes.
“Yes. That night was the last one of my virginity.” I cleared my throat. “You claimed it. I gave it up to you and that was all it took for…” I gestured at my stomach.
Again, he narrowed his eyes. He wore either an expression of shocked disbelief or skeptical doubt. “How long have you known?”
“Since…” I winced. “Since I found you in the basement of that cabin.”
His jaw dropped, but then he snapped it shut and scowled. “You knew all this time and didn’t think to mention it to me?”
20
NIKOLAI
“All this time?” I shook my head as I walked away from the couch. The need to move overruled me. I had no sense of patience now. No calm. Nothing at all to bank on to keep my cool.
“You knew you were pregnant all this time and didn’t think to tell me?” Repeating it only reinforced how incredulous I felt. How deeply she’d stunned me.
“I…” She stood, shaking her head and sighing.
