Page 28 of Steeling Light
He puts his hand on my cheek so softly that I can’t help myself from melting into his touch. “Ainslee,” he whispers. “I could never hold a grudge against you. Especially about something as stupid as a prank when we were children. Let it go. Don’t hold that pain because it’s not even yours to hold.”
He cups my cheek, his thumb pressing against my temple and his pinkie running along my jawline, and while I know that it’s a hand that can crush a man’s skull, it’s been nothing but tender to me.
“How do you do that?” I whisper.
“Do what?” He pulls his hand back, and it’s like something’s missing from me. I take a step back to look him in the eyes.
He’s gorgeous in a way that so few men are. His features are an extension of the person he is. The squared jaw, the gorgeous lips that are forever smiling, and the thick blonde eyebrows that are so expressive. His face is powerful and kind, just like him. His body is muscle on top of muscle, and as the water’s splashed across his undertunic, it clings tightly to him, revealing him even more. He is strength and cunning made manifest, and yet, underneath all the muscles and sharp lines, I can see the softness that I don’t think anyone else has ever noticed.
“How do you let it go? If I’d been punished for someone else’s stupid joke, especially the way you’ve been, I’d never let that go. I’d never be able to forgive them.”
He shrugs, but his eyes sparkle. “I couldn’t be angry with you. You were… You were everything, Ainslee. In my life, I’ve had so few people who truly cared about me. I’m not talking about people who cared about the Prince of Steel or their commander or my father. They don’t care about me as a person. That list holds a single person: you. You’re the only one who’s ever cared aboutme, and I don’t think anything in the world could force me to be angry with you.”
I’m left dumbfounded by the statement. He had to have someone else. Although I have a conflicted relationship with my mother, she truly cares about me. Darian and Cole obviously do. Possibly Maeve as well. But… he doesn’t have anyone. His father is… well, he’s Gethin. I’ve heard nothing about his mother before, but she’s obviously not around. He’s never had friends other than us.
“No one else?” I finally ask.
He shakes his head. “You’re the only one, and to be completely honest, I doubt that will ever change.”
There’s a finality in the way he says it, as though he’s thought about it for a very long time. “You’re going to be the King someday. You’ll need an heir…”
He shakes his head, and his entire body tenses. “I won’t have children with some woman just to have an heir. I’ll find another person to sit on the Throne after me if it comes down to that.”
I frown, surprised at his response and the venom in his voice. “Why not? There are plenty of children living with one parent.”
“Like me? Like you and Darian? Like Cole? Our lives have all just been wonderful, haven’t they? I’m not bringing a child into this world to live as all of us have. And…” He pauses, his lips pursed as though he’s contemplating telling me something. He looks down at the water in front of him and says, “And my father’s blood runs in my veins. I could be like him. The thought of a child having to go through what I’ve experienced is unthinkable. No, I won’t raise a son or daughter just to have an heir. I’d let the whole damned House of Steel collapse before I did that.”
I react to his words instinctively, running my hand over his arm. He looks up at me. “You aren’t your father. You’ve never been anything but kind to me. There’s no way you’d hurt a child, especially your child.”
And the look in his eyes is anything but soft, even though his words are barely more than whispers. “I’ve hurt many children, Ainslee. I’ve hurt plenty of people, and I’ll hurt plenty more.” He turns, pulling away from me. “You know, maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe this whole idea was stupid.”
Normally, I’d let him go. I’d let him walk away because there’s still a division between us, and it’s only the tenuous truce we agreed to that lets me spend time with him without worrying about the future. Tonight is not a normal night, though, and the effect of the Moonlit Pools is not something I’m used to.
I don’t care about the barrier between us. I don’t care what happens tomorrow or the next day. Very little matters other than that my friend hates himself, and I can’t allow that.
I reach out and take his wrist. “No,” I say stubbornly. “No, you do not get to walk away from me, Rhion. You don’t get to take me to this pool, convince me to get in, and then leave. Your father pulled you away from me as a child, but he’s not here. You will not let him pull us apart again.”
He whirls on me, and for the first time in my life, I see anger flash in his eyes in my direction. The smile that never fades is gone, and fury has him snarling at me. He leans forward, bringing his head almost to my level. “You don’t have any idea what’s wrong, do you? No, of course not. You never have. No matter what I’ve said, you’ve never understood the way I felt.”
“What do you mean? You were always my…”
“…friend,” he finishes. “You didn’t see what you were to me, did you? You were more than my friend; you were my heart.” He pauses for a moment and shakes his head. “You still are. And at the end of all of this, you’ll still be. The difference is that the most I’ll ever be is your friend. No different from Cole or his Wyrdling.”
“Maeve,” I correct subconsciously.
He huffs and pulls back. “I wouldn’t want a child because that would involve another woman, and for me, there will only be one woman that matters.”
Wait. I blink. What is he saying?
“In nine hundred years, you’ve never…”
“Fucked a stranger who only wanted to get into the good graces of the Prince of Steel? Gotten drunk and gotten lost in the sheets with someone who wanted to use my poor decision to better her position? No, Ainslee. I’m not that kind of man.”
I run my hand over his cheek and feel him. Not as my friend. As a man. I stare into his gray eyes and see the desire in them. It’s so unlike any other man who’s looked at me like this. It’s not for my body or the pleasure the night could bring them. It’s something deeper.
“Rhion, why are you telling me this now?”
He shakes his head slowly and pulls back, but there’s no anger there any longer. Just sadness. “Because I… because I couldn’t stop myself.” He looks at the pool and curses. “Because this damned pool made me forget what I was worried about, and because I want you but know I’ll never have you.”
