Page 84 of Almost True
Everything in me froze, including my brain. Her words buzzed around in my head, not landing long enough to really make sense. People clapped and chattered indistinctly around me, and someone hugged her, tearing her eyes from mine.
“Well… that’s certainly news,” John said, patting my back from where he stood next to me.
I couldn’t see her face—couldn’t understand anything, though my heart had taken off in a sprint.
“Yeah, sure is,” I mumbled, turning for the exit.
It didn’t make sense, but my only impulse was to leave. I didn’t want to stay here in the crowd and congratulate her. I wanted her to myself. I wanted to understand the choice—needed to. Why, after so little communication and interaction, was she moving here?
The foolish, perpetually hopeful man I’d once been hadn’t learned his lesson, because here he stood, gulping in air from Maddie’s front porch, possibility gobbling me up bit by bit like flame held to paper.
She was moving here. Permanently.
For me.
The thought struck before I could keep it, and I hated it, and loved it, and wanted to hide from it all at once. I couldn’t even express how much I wished that were true, how deeply the longing for that to be reality took root. I steadied myself on the stone wall of her house and the cool, rough granite brought me back to the present just as John stepped outside.
“You okay?”
I looked around, hardly seeing the porch or front steps. Was I okay?
I nodded, words coming slower than the action. “Yes. I… yes. But I have to go.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Pretty sure she’d like to talk with you since she made such a big deal of you being here,” he said, eying me with no small amount of concern.
“I know. But I’m not doing that here. I’ll talk to her soon. Tell her—”
The front door swung open again and a small group spilled out, Maddie just behind. Her gaze found me in an instant.
“Thanks for coming even though you had other obligations tonight as well, you guys. I appreciate your support. See you soon,” she said, holding a hand up in farewell even as she focused on me.
They must’ve been leaving early. Maybe it wouldn’t be so obvious that I was fleeing if others had to trickle out, too.
My heart beat so fast, I could hardly feel it. This had to be some kind of irregularity, but between the news and all the raging hope clamoring through me, I couldn’t speak. I cursed myself inwardly for not being up for talking. As much as I wanted this to mean something for us, it didn’t make sense that she’d made this move for me. And I couldn’t ignore or suspend the hurt, even if I did understand where it came from originally.
“I—congratulations,” I said, descending the first, then second step without looking.
“Thank you. Can you stick around for a few?”
Those hazel eyes just about slayed my escape plan, but I needed time. I’d never been one to act quickly or on impulse. I wasn’t the kind of guy who assumed things. Heck, I wasn’t a guy who dated millionaires and lived in a delusional world where I believed I might have a shot at her even after we’d essentially broken up.
Except lately, I had been that guy. Andthat guywanted to take her in his arms and kiss her, hold her, claim her. But this guy, the guy that’d been living in reality and getting nothing from her the last two months? He needed a damn minute.
“Sorry. I made plans and I’m his ride. Plus Luca… you know how it goes, Maddie. We’ll see you soon, yeah?” John hooked his arm around my neck and hauled me with him as though he could sense the part of me that wanted to stay and figure all this out now. His excuse made no sense, but I was grateful for it nevertheless.
“Okay. Drive safe,” she said, but we were already crossing the street, in the car, pulling away.
I willed myself not to look back. If she’d already gone inside, it’d feel like too much of an ending. Like she’d made this choice and this announcement based on factors having nothing to do with me. And if she was still there, I’d feel yet another heart-wringing twist. I’d want to turn back. I’d have one more piece of evidence that this meant something to her—that I did.
It was all nonsense. Her staying or going back inside didn’t tell me anything. Even so, I lost the battle with myself just before the road curved away and her house fell out of view.
Sure enough, she stood there looking after us, watching our slow progress as we wound our way out of the neighborhood.
“She’s still there,” John said, as though he’d noticed right when I did.
“Yep.” My voice came out raw.
He drove on for a few minutes as my mind whirled with variations on the theme ofwhat does this mean?John’s words interrupted my baffled thoughts.
