Page 81 of Almost True
And in the meantime, I’d straighten myself out. I’d be ready to see her—to be friendly and kind, and then leave. To walk away knowing this chapter of my life, this hope and love and vision that had kindled in my heart despite my best efforts, must be snuffed.
CHAPTERFORTY-FIVE
Maddie
Quinn Darling, as usual, gave no quarter.
“I just want to hear you say it out loud so we know for sure.” Her arms were crossed where she leaned against the marble of the kitchen island, eyes glinting with that skepticism I’d come to appreciate.
“It’s not that we aren’t glad you’re here. It’s just that…” Dahlia glanced around at Sadie, Sarah, Quinn, and finally, me. “He’s been sad.”
Pain lanced through me. “I know. I have, too. Believe me when I say, I have struggled. But I’ve had a purpose for all of this. And I’m taking an insane risk. But I know it’s right.”
I’d just needed the time to get everything ready. I’d needed time to decide if my idea was in fact as wild as it’d felt when the thought had crossed my mind. After that, I’d needed time to make sure that getting farther into my routine wouldn’t suddenly change how I felt about leaving Silverton, or my friends, or Aidan.
Over two months after leaving, I didn’t need to guess anymore. Nothing felt right, and I’d known with a clarity I’d only previously had with business acquisitions and wine selections that I couldn’t stay there. The Maddie Reynolds that’d returned to New York was a changed woman who didn’t want to change back. Maybe that was the point—she was Maddie, not Madeline as my New York world knew me. Not just the formalized version, but how I saw myself and what I wanted, what I’d been through.
I’d worked for a decade and a half to get where I was, but the threat of being shot and the breath of an unhinged man on my neck had been enough to shake me from any sense of doubt.
It’d taken months after that, and in the process, I’d fallen hard and fast for the man of my dreams. I’d literally dreamt of Aidan Wallace for months before seeing him again in Silverton, and somehow, I’d walked away.
Every second I spent away from him felt wrong. Every evening I wasn’t chatting with Luca, every night I wasn’t sleeping by Aidan’s side, every morning I woke up and saw buildings instead of Silver Ridge Peak was wrong.
So I’d come back. And maybe I’d approached this messily, but I’d needed the time to test myself. To really see if forcing myself back into my old routine would change mebackto the Maddie before. The only thing I knew I couldn’t stand in all of this was ifIwas the one who didn’t actually fit here and I ended up hurting Aidan and Luca more than I already had.
And Quinn, Sarah, Sadie, and Dahlia could evidently see the truth on my face. Sarah clapped and Sadie grinned. Quinn nodded, appeased for now, and Dahlia gave me a beautiful smile that was absolutely hiding something.
“What?” I asked, not liking thesomethinghiding there.
“A week or so ago, I accidentally mentioned that we’d talked. That you’d been in touch. And he seemed… kind of devastated by that.”
My eyes shut and I exhaled the anxiety climbing into my throat. I had worried that my silence would ruin things—would strangle his feelings for me. And though devastation sounded like he probably did still care, I didn’t want him to feel that because of me.
“I have so much to make up for. And I appreciate you all being here and working with me to start the process.”
Sadie spoke up from her seat on the couch. “Calla’s feeling pretty exhausted and they’re thinking the baby may arrive a little before her due date, so she’s not straying far from Wyatt, but she said to tell you she’s glad you’re back, especially if you’re not going to run away, and that she supports you for doing what all intelligent, successful women do, and getting yourself a Silverton man.” Sadie’s cheeks brightened and she slumped back in her seat like just getting the words she must’ve promised to say out was a relief.
I chuckled, wondering if it would work out like I hoped. I’d envisioned this grand gesture—me riding back into town on my shiny white horse and swooping in to save Aidan. Well, not savehim, but saveus.Save us from the absolute madness of being in love with each other and not being together.
I’d spent years alone. Years searching. Years wondering whether I’d ever feel a fraction for someone else that Nate felt for Ariel or, based on everything I’d seen, what the Saint men and Julian felt for their partners.
“Well, okay. I guess we better go get ready so we can get back here and you can start on phase one,” Quinn said, twirling her keys around her fingers and catching them in her hand.
Nerves fizzed through me, but I nodded. “Yes, please. See you in a bit.”
They all departed with encouraging smiles and farewells, all promising they’d be back by seven at the latest. Juliet sent me her fifth “Have you seen him yet!?” message as I was shutting the door behind them, so I dialed her quickly.
“I have to go to bed soon or I’ll be a mess tomorrow, but I have to know. Have you?” The urgency in her voice made me miss her fiercely.
I’d spent the last few months missing. Missing Aidan. The mountains. My new friends. My oldest friend. My brother and his wife. My nephew. Myfreedom.I’d grappled with all this thinking, bemoaned the “poor me” nature of it, but finally decided that all of this—the months of longing for a change, the axis-tilting nature of being stalked and found by someone so unhinged, and then finally finding someone I wanted a life with—all of it added up to one conclusion.
It was time for a big change. A more abrupt and lasting change than I’d ever made, and yet one I knew with the same certainty I had about most other decisions I’d made in my life, that it was the right one.
I’d planned to ease back in. I didn’t expect him to greet me with open arms, but I’d invited him here tonight for this party and he’d agreed to come. He’d see what I meant, and he’d realize it eventually, and I wouldn’t give up.
This time, I wasn’t going anywhere.
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