Page 68 of Almost True
“I just figured you might give him the heads-up.” He shrugged, grinning to cover whatever else lay under his words. “But hey, welcome to your fortieth and shame on you for thinking we were going to let it just skate by.”
I shook my head. “I wasn’t really thinking anything about it.”
Strange though it may have sounded, since seeing Maddie in town weeks ago, I hadn’t thought about much other than her save a few key dates. My birthday had never rated as a big event, especially in light of sharing the day with the ever-popular Pioneer, or here at Silver Ridge Brewery, Pie n’ Beer day.
Maddie chuckled and kissed my cheek. “I’ll go grab us some beers. Be right back.”
I watched her go, appreciating the fit of her dress and the way her hair trailed down her back. I loved that she felt comfortable enough in the space and with these people to go off on her own. And of course she did. She’d negotiated million-dollar deals. She was probably far more capable at just about everything than I was, and frankly, I relished it. As someone who made his way in social situations out of necessity, I liked being with a woman who wasn’t afraid to take charge and make things happen.
“You are busted, man,” John said, patting my back as he watched Maddie line up at the bar and begin chatting with Julian Grenier and Quinn Darling, who stood in front of her.
“Busted?” I asked, mind only half on his comment as Maddie smiled and laughed at something Quinn said. Julian’s face even showed a flicker of amusement.
“You’re making my point for me, frankly,” he said, waiting until I turned to eye him. “Yeah. You with the hearts in your eyes, looking at a woman who is frankly untouchable.”
Not exactly,the jerk in my mind said. I’d touched her. Kissed her. Wanted a lot more of that. I would never say such a thing out loud, but apparently, I was getting surly in my old age. “Weren’t you encouraging me to go for it with her just weeks ago?”
He nodded. “Yes. Go forit. Or just go out and have fun with her. Make a few memories, have a few laughs, enjoy having a sugar mama—whatever. But not fall so hard you’re flattened on the runway as she drives by in her private jet on the way out of here.”
“Well, that’s not dramatic at all.”
He shrugged again. “I mean, I get that it’s too late. I’m just wondering what your exit strategy is. How are you going to get out of this?”
I eyed him, wondering where this was coming from. Maybe it was obvious to him that I had feelings for Maddie. He knew me well enough and spent a lot of time wading through things with me, but why would he be so worried? I’d actually thought he might be happy for me, but he seemed genuinely concerned.
“Why are you so worried? If I get my heart broken when she leaves, I’ll deal with it.” I didn’t like the idea, but I also had no other choice. I couldn’t rewind and remove myself from all contact with her to avoid developing this feeling, nor would I want to.
He sighed and crossed his arms. “I’m just saying it’s going to be messy.”
Turning back to see Maddie grabbing two beers and pivoting toward us, I closed the discussion right down. “Then it’s messy. But I’m taking it while I can. And if that makes me an idiot, I’ll deal with that later. I know what this is and where it ends. And that’s all we’re going to say about that tonight, okay?”
He scowled, but nodded, then flipped the switch and smiled to greet Maddie. “Now that you’re back, I’m going to circulate. Don’t want to be a rude host.”
Maddie handed me a beer and held hers slightly aloft toward me. I did the same.
“To your fortieth year. May it be your best ever.”
“And to you, for being willing to celebrate it with me,” I said lamely, wanting to say it already was the best year because here in the first minute of it, she was with me.
That thought had me admitting John was right. This wasn’t just a crush or even puppy love. This was big love, and it had the possibility of crushing me.
But I’d been crushed. Absolutely, brutally destroyed. And I’d made it out of that. And the lesson I’d learned and had no desire to repeat was that life is short. I’d never closed myself off to the possibility of love again because to be on the receiving end of it would be the utmost privilege. To feel it again was a revelation and a blessing I would never regret, even if I had to lose her in a matter of weeks.
We touched glasses, took a sip, and as though that was the signal for people to come talk with us, a kind of line formed. Liam and Wells Morrison came and hugged me, then eagerly met Maddie. I’d known Liam all my life and since he was John’s business partner, we’d become good friends over the years despite not seeing each other all that much. He and Wells had kids and were in that young-child phase of life.
All through the evening, I kept thinking how odd it was, turning forty. I hadn’t meant to keep it from Maddie. She didn’t seem upset, though she didn’t seem to be the kind of person who got upset about things like that. I honestly hadn’t been thinking about it that much.
Now that I was here, chatting with friends and seeing John’s brewery packed to the gills with well-wishers, the unwieldy reality of my life hit in a new way. I couldn’t hold all this love and friendship inside me. I didn’t deserve it, either, but I’d learned a long time ago that that didn’t necessarily stop people from being generous and kind.
Had I ever imagined a moment like this? The last time I’d been in a room with most of these people, it’d been at Viv’s funeral. It’d been in the darkest days of my life. But they’d stuck with me, insisting on believing in me, hoping for me, feeding me, loving my child. They’d demanded I come back into the light after darkness had shrouded everything. Some did this more directly than others—my family, Liam Morrison, more recently, Julian Grenier, Dahlia, and even Wilder Saint.
It was an evening I would never forget, both because of the woman at my side and the friends and family surrounding me. I’d never bemoan getting older, or going gray, or finding my crow’s feet deepening by the year. These were rites not everyone got to experience, and it was a vow I’d made to myself long ago.
But tonight, I made another vow. I promised myself not to dissolve into misery when Maddie left. I would mourn her leaving, but I would remember this night. I’d think of Julian and Quinn grinning like crazy people in their newlywedded bliss as they chatted with us. I’d think of Liam keeping my pint glass full all night. I’d feel gratitude when I remembered John whispering that he’d arranged for Luca to spend the night at my in-laws so I had the evening free.
And even though I knew it would hurt, I’d remember Maddie’s hand in mine through it all.
CHAPTERTHIRTY-EIGHT
