Page 104 of Guarded
“Yes,” I said softly. “Worrying means you care. I’ve not had someone to care about before, not to this extent, at least.”
His eyes softened. “That’s a lovely way to look at it.”
“It’s true.”
He traced a pattern in the lingering bubbles. With Noah in charge of running the bath, we’d ended up with a sensible amount instead of a flood. “Did you mean what you said in your texts? About not travelling every month?”
“I did. I don’t want to be apart from you for that long. I can’t.”
“Because of the ache?”
I heard the uncertainty in his voice, and after meetingLyle, I understood it. Noah’s self-esteem had been battered over centuries. He struggled to believe anyone would choose him just forhim.
It had me wishing I could rewind time. I’d go back to the day we first met and do everything differently. I’d walk straight up to him and introduce myself. I’d claim him in front of everyone before falling to my knees and vowing to choose him every day.
Not because of fate or a bond, but because of Noah. His kindness. His selflessness. His mischief. I wanted every side of him.
I knew that. Now it was time for Noah to know it too.
“No, not because of the bond. Because of you.” A strand of hair fell from his bun and I automatically tucked it behind his ear. “Because there’s nothing out there as beautiful as your smile. Or as interesting as your mind. There’s no one else who listens to me like you do. That’s what I want, Noah.”
He bit his lip. “But what about travelling? Your freedom?”
I hummed, still stroking his side as I thought about how to best explain it. “I don’t think I was travelling to enjoy my freedom. I think I was running.”
Noah tensed in my arms. “From me?”
“No.” I kissed his neck until he relaxed again. “Never from you. Well, except for that first time. But as established, I was a muppet.”
“You were.” Noah moaned as I kissed along his collarbone. “What were you running from then?”
I planted one final kiss on his shoulder before lifting my head with a sigh. “Honestly? I think I was running from my past. From everything I did.”
Noah pursed his lips. “Is it connected to your nightmares?”
Of course he remembered that. “Yeah. It’s always the same memory, and it ends the same way.”
He snuggled back into me. “Want to tell me about it? You don’t have to, but it might help.”
I tried to get the words out, but they got stuck in my throat.
“I won’t judge you,” Noah said, rubbing my forearms soothingly. “I never would have, but especially not after today. You saw me at my worst and didn’t judge me.”
“There was nothing to judge you for. Lyle was to blame for everything that happened, and certainly for today. None of that was on you, sweetheart.”
“I kept going back to him.”
“You were in a toxic situation, Noah.” I was starting to suspect Noah was harder on himself than anyone else. “You didn’t know any better.”
“I do now,” he said, making my heart skip a beat as he smiled. “You’re better than him in every single way. Nothing you tell me will change how I see you, Jem. We might’ve not had the best start, but you’ve kept showing up for me. You’ve kept choosing me. Really, that’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
“It’s the minimum you deserve. I might not know much about relationships either, but I’m going to learn. I’ll be the best damn mate who’s ever existed.”
“I know.” He twisted to kiss my cheek. “Now let me be the best too. Let me be there for you, Jem. Let me know all of you so I can love all of you.” My jaw dropped and he chuckled. “I’m not saying I’m there yet…but I’m on my way. Is that okay?”
I closed my mouth and swallowed hard. “It’s more than okay. Nobody’s ever loved me before.”
“No one? What about your parents?”
