Page 101 of Guarded
Jem considered that for a beat. “Worth it. I suspect it’ll be far from the last…especially if I’m going to be spending more time here?”
His voice went up at the end, framing it as a question. I stopped outside my door to face him. Linking my hands behind his neck, I rubbed my nose against his. “Jem, after today, you’ll be lucky if I let you leave the bedroom, let alone the house.”
He closed his eyes in relief, leaning into me. “Good. The twins and Nox would’ve given me shit if I took up camping on your roof.”
“I’m not saying you have to stop travelling or anything like that,” I said hastily. “This isn’t me trying to trap you, Jem. I’m just saying I’m ready to take the next step…if you are too.”
“Oh, I’ve been ready, sweetheart.” He kissed my lips lightly before pulling back to smile. “I’m going to keep travelling, but only if you’re coming with me. We’ve got millennia ahead of us, Noah. I don’t have to see and experience everything now.”
“Are you sure?”
He tugged me closer until there was no room between us, not even for anxiety or fear. “Yes, Noah, I’m sure. The only thing I’m interested in experiencing is learning what it’s like being with you. I never feel as free as I do at your side. That’s all I want.”
I couldn’t help it. My insecurities were too close to the surface to just let them go. “Really?”
“Really.” He smiled understandingly, knowing exactly why I needed extra reassurance. “Being with you isn’t a trap. It’s like coming home. I’ve never had that before, so don’t take it away from me now.”
Relief had tears stinging my eyes. Jem wanted me. He was choosing me. “I would never.”
“Let’s get you inside,” he said, rubbing my upper arms. “I know you rested earlier, but not for long enough.”
“I’m fine,” I said automatically as I led him inside the room. I made sure to both lock the door and ward it. I trusted the Seraphim with my life, but I didn’t trust them to not come barging in at an inappropriate time. “I’ve coped with worse for longer.”
Jem caught my chin in his fingers, forcing me to stop and look at him. “But right now, you don’t have to.”
I rolled my eyes. “Jem, this is the first time we’ve seen each other in a month. There’s a lot more we could be doing thanresting.”
“That’s very tempting, but I’d rather we chilled for a bit first.”
For some strange reason, there was a knot of panic in my stomach. “No, it’s fine. We should have sex now.”
Jeremiah studied me closely. “Why?”
The knot grew bigger. Was the room somehow smaller? Or was it just my imagination? “Because we should, right?We’ve been apart, and now we’re together and alone. We should have sex.”
Why were my hands tingling? I shook them out, trying to get the blood back into them.
Understanding dawned in Jem’s eyes. “Sweetheart, we can have sex whenever wewant to.We neverhave to.”
Why was my chest feeling tight? “But I don’t want this to end yet.”
“It won’t,” Jem said steadily, drawing me into his arms. “This isn’t just about sex for me, Noah. Just because we’ve taken that step doesn’t mean we have to sleep together for you to have my attention.”
I froze. That wasn’t what I was assuming, was it?
“I want to spend time with you,” he continued. “Awake. Asleep. Eating. Exercising. Working. Fucking. I don’t care how we fill our time, just that we do it together.”
“Oh my god.” I dropped my head to his shoulder in embarrassment. “I’m so fucking sorry, Jem. I’m not trying to compare you to Lyle, I swear. You couldn’t be more different.”
“I don’t think that’s what you’re doing,” Jem said slowly. “But…Lyle’s the only other person you’ve been with, right?”
I nodded against his shoulder, misery filling me.
“He’s your only experience of a relationship. I hate to use that word, because I strongly suspect that what you sharedwasn’ta relationship. It was transactional. Based purely on sex.”
My throat burned too much for me to speak, so I just nodded again.
“You only got his attention if sex was involved. That’s why you panicked just then, because you thought that if we didn’t have sex, you’d lose my attention. Right?”
