Page 66 of Guarded
“What if I didn’t go?”
Noah laughed, reaching for another strawberry. “You’re hilarious. As if you’re going to miss visiting Bali and Thailand just to stay in rainy old England.”
I touched his knee. “Noah, I’m being serious. I can cancel it. I’d rather just spend time with you.”
He froze, the strawberry in mid-air. “You can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because you can’t.” He leaned forward to put the strawberry back on the plate. With both his hands free, he shoved his hair back and started to gather it in a ponytail. It was a move I recognised from when mine had been that length—something I did when I was anxious or needed a moment to think.
I suspected both were true for Noah right now. I didn’t push or repeat my question, just waited him out.
He pulled a hairband from the pocket of his robe and efficiently tied his hair back. Now there was nothing to hide the walls that had gone up in Noah’s eyes. The cool determination.
My heart sank. I knew right then that this wasn’t going to go the way I wanted it to.
“It just doesn’t make sense.” He sighed. “You’ve been looking forward to this leg of the trip for weeks now.”
“Noah, we’re immortal. It’s not like I’m on a deadline here.”
He squeezed my hand gently. “Exactly. We have all of eternity to be together. Why rush things? You’ve longed for this freedom your whole life, Jem. This is your chance to embrace it.”
He was right. My freedom was all I’d dreamt of for so long. It was the only reason I’d survived in Hell.
But I wasn’t sure it was the reason for my continued survival.
I think that was Noah.
“Besides, I’ve volunteered to go to this conference this month.” He gave me a sad smile. “I’m going to be gone for at least two weeks.”
“I remember,” I said quietly, stroking my thumb over his. I was trying not to feel the sting of rejection, but it was hard, especially when I didn’t understand precisely why Noah was so keen to keep me at arm’s length. Was it truly just because he wanted me to have my freedom? Or was there another reason?
“I will miss you,” he confessed, resting his head on my shoulder. “I think you travelling is the right decision, but don’t walk out of here thinking it’s easy for me. It’s not. I know I’m going to miss you far more than I should.”
I wanted to point out that that proved my point. That we shouldn’t keep forcing something neither of us wanted. But that wasn’t what Noah wanted or needed to hear right now.
Instead, I kissed his temple. “I’ll miss you too, Noah.”
Chapter 18
Text Messages
Jeremiah
Bali is beautiful but it’d be better if you were here.
Noah
Eurgh. I’d rather be there than going to this conference.
I thought you volunteered to go?
I did…but it’s complicated. My old unit are hosting.
Can I ask why that makes it complicated?
Let’s just say I’m not looking forward to seeing all of them and leaveit at that.
