Page 45 of Guarded
And the laughter. Oh, how we’d laughed.
If Jeremiah thought my greeting was dragging on, he didn’t comment. No, he tensed up before relaxing when he realised I wasn’t darting away. Trembling arms wrapped around my waist, and he lowered his face hesitantly to my neck.
“I missed you,” he rumbled against my throat. “So much.”
His words finally punctured the bubble I’d been existing in. Clearing my throat, I forced myself to release him and step back. “Of course you did. I’m utterly fabulous. Men have been known to write whole arias after being graced with my presence.”
A flippant joke that was patently untrue. The only one who’d ever given me the time of day was Lyle, and even if his intellect had stretched to something so creative, he wouldn’t have crafted them out of dismay. No, they would’ve been to celebrate my absence. To commemorate the millstone that was no longer around his neck, trying to trap him into a relationship he’d never wanted.
His words, not mine. How I’d gone back to Lyle so many times was beyond me.
Naturally, Jeremiah knew none of that. He smiled softly, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. “I can believe it. I’m not sure I can manage an aria though…can I interest you in a haiku?”
“After last time?” I gave a mock shudder. “I’ve changed my mind. I’ve had enough poetry to last me a lifetime.”
“How about a fun date instead?”
I smiled. “Now that sounds like a perfect compromise.”
Jeremiah hustled around the car to open the door for me. My cheeks flushed at the gentlemanly gesture. “Thank you.”
He winked. “Anything for you, Noah.”
Guilt wound through me as I watched him walk around the front of the car. Ever since our date in the coffee shop, Jeremiah had been nothing but kind and considerate. More than that, he’d been honest. He’d laid his fears out for me and explained what had made him run—what was holding him back from accepting a bond.
Why couldn’t I find the words to do the same?
Again, my brain called bullshit.You know why.
I bit back a sigh, rubbing at my forehead. Yeah, I did. Jeremiah’s fears were founded on a situation he’d had no control over. One no one could judge him for. Mine were based on nothing more than my own foolishness. Myfailure to recognise the truths Lyle had tried to show me repeatedly. A reckless belief that this time would be different.
It never was.
Most people would have been over it by now, but we’re talking about centuries of this behaviour. Lyle was the only person I’d ever been with. For far too long, I’d believed he’d always be the only person. It wasn’t that I was still in love with him, or even heartbroken. That day on the beach had been more effective in cutting off my feelings than anything else.
But the shame? The fear of repeating the same mistakes?
Those burdens still weighed me down.
Jeremiah shot me an easy grin as he started the car. “You ready?”
No, I wasn’t ready to tell him. Not when he looked at me with such joy. I didn’t want that marred by judgement or pity. Not yet. “Sure. Let’s go.”
We’d just pulled onto the main road when a scent tickled my nose. Once. Twice. When I realised what it was, I smirked at Jeremiah. “Come on, you can’t even see the lace this time.”
Jeremiah’s eyes homed in on my crotch with lethal precision. “I’m taking that to mean you’re wearing some.”
I batted my lashes coyly. “Maybe. If you’re good, I might give you a sneaky peek at them later.”
His knuckles turned white on the steering wheel as he muttered an oath under his breath. “Prepare to see me on my very best behaviour.”
I turned my face towards the window to hide my grin. It faded as the ramifications of the exchange hit me. Whatwas I doing? I shouldn’t be flirting with Jeremiah. It wasn’t fair, not when we were meant to just be friends.
It was just…it felt so easy. Natural.
Also, it had been a fuckingagesince I’d had sex. So long, in fact, that I half wondered if I’d even be able to bottom. I hadn’t even bothered with my dildo since moving in with the Seraphim. The walls here were thinner than at Juniper, and the Seraphim were also far more likely to tease the fuck out of me if they ever heard me getting myself off that way.
It was fine. I was vers, preferring to top as often as I bottomed. Not that I’d had many opportunities with Lyle. Topping him had only happened once in a blue moon, if all the stars had aligned and the birds were singing. Which was fine. That was his preference.
