Page 25 of Guarded
“Never?”
“Well, Iama demon.” Flames flickered briefly around his fingers before vanishing. “If someone deserves the punishment, I have no issues delivering it.” His eyes darkened. “And if someone I cared for was hurt? That kind of pain I’d takeimmensedelight in.”
I shouldn’t have found that as fucking hot as I did. Add in the intensity in his smoulder and it had me wanting to fan myself. Instead, I took another sip of my coffee. The ice had long since melted, but it was more to give myself something to do.
Something to do that wasn’t knocking the table to one side and straddling Jeremiah in the middle of the café.
What was it about him that made me feel this way? Like I was so fucking horny all I could think about was sucking that nipple ring into my mouth. Or finding out how his stubble would feel on the sensitive skin of my inner thighs. His massive hands pinning me to the bed as he…
I shook myself. Seriously, what was going on? Was this because he was my fated mate? Or just because he wasthatgood-looking?
Maybe it’s because he’s staring at you like he’s thinking of how he’d best like to devour you. Or worse, because he’s actually listening to you.
That thought sobered me. It’d lead me down a path I was all too familiar with. One where I fell too fast for someone who wasn’t ready to be mine.
Because if there was one thing I was taking away from this conversation, it was that. I fully understood why Jeremiah had run now.
I didn’t disagree with his reasoning. That wasn’t the problem. No, the problem was that I couldn’t see a way forward for us that didn’t end in resentment. How could I ask Jeremiah to give up his freedom so soon after gaining it?
It was simple. I couldn’t.
“I’m glad we had this conversation,” I said. “It’s helped clear a lot of things up. Thank you.”
His lips twisted in a wry smile. “Let me guess—it doesn’t change anything.”
I shook my head sadly. “How can it, Jeremiah? You’ve got no interest in being mated to a member of the Seraphim, and knowing your reasons why, I don’t blame you. I’d feel the same in your situation.”
Jeremiah’s jaw clenched. “I’m here, aren’t I? Doesn’t that tell you that I’m interested?”
“It tells me that you have this pesky ache in your chest too.” I leaned forwards to lightly tap over his heart. “That you’re having as much difficulty ignoring it as I am. But that doesn’t have to mean anything, Jeremiah.”
“It means we’re mates.”
“And we’ll still be mates in a few years’ time.” I took a steadying breath. Fuck, why was this so hard? I barely knew him. They were the right words, but they were threatening to choke me on their way out. “I’m not saying no, Jeremiah, I’m saying not right now. I think you need to learn more about what Hell took from you. You deserve it.”
“What about you?” His arms were folded over his chest now, his scrutinising gaze burning into me. “Are you content to just sit around and wait for me?”
I’ve had plenty of practice doing that.
“I am.” I smiled. “It’s not like I’m changing anything. I have a full life with the Seraphim. One I’m very proud of and enjoy immensely. I’m not like some of the others in myunit, desperately waiting for epic love to find me. I’m happy on my own.”
Lies. Such blatant lies.
But they were necessary.
Jeremiah didn’t look convinced, so I pushed on. “Let’s be honest, Jeremiah. If you’d had a choice about when you learned about me, would you have chosen to find out when you did?”
He winced and hesitated.
My tone turned sharp. “Don’t you dare lie to try and protect my feelings.”
His throat bobbed. “No, I wouldn’t have picked then.”
It was the truth I’d already known. The truth I’d demanded.
But it still sliced through me like a knife.
“Exactly.” I kept my voice light. “That’s why this is for the best. If we try and force a connection now, you’ll end up resenting me, and I’ll end up spending my time wondering if you’d rather be somewhere else.”
