Page 118 of Game Changer
Then she leaves.
I let the door fall closed with a click, staring at it.
I return to the couch and the bottle of tequila.Sure, I’ll have another.
Fuck.I’m an asshole.
Molly came here to talk to me and listen to me, and I shut her down because I don’t want to look weak.Or be vulnerable.I’ve always thought it was a strength that I could hide my emotions.When my parents split up, I didn’t want to let on to either of them, or to anyone, how busted up inside I was.And that has always served me well.I’ve had bad games, made stupid mistakes and had disappointments in my career.I get through it by shrugging it all off.I’ve had all kinds of family shit going on that I stayed apart from.
Ever since Molly walked out of her wedding, I’ve been dragged into a whole bunch of emotional shit.Telling her all the crap about my family.Taking her to meet them.Her making me talk to my dad when I would rather have a hockey stick poked in my eye.Then…the sex.
I keep thinking about lying in that sleeping bag with her under the Northern Lights.Fingering her pussy to the most incredible orgasm.Her mouth on my cock and the look of delight in her eyes as she sucked me.I think about playing Trivial Pursuit with her, and yeah, the naked part was fun, but I love how she challenges me and makes me laugh.I remember sitting in front of the fire with her and just talking about anything and everything, including my hopes for my career.And hers.I remember how passionate and excited she was about the new school year and the kids she’d be teaching.
I’ve mastered the art of the one-night stand, even a few nights of no-strings sex with a woman.But with Molly…I felt stuff I’ve never felt before.Stuff I don’t want to feel.
And right now…I’m goddamn miserable.
I blow out a long breath and slouch down into the couch, tequila glass in hand.
Once this contract shit is settled, I’ll be fine.That’swhat’s messing with my head.Not Molly.
Molly
I ride the elevator down, cruise through the lobby of Jax’s building and then walk the sidewalk to where I parked my car.It’s getting dark and a chilly wind is blowing off the nearby lake.
In my car, I start the engine and lock the doors, then I sit there for a few minutes.My heart is shrinking in my chest.I close my eyes on a wave of pain.
I knew I was taking a chance going to see him.I knew there was a possibility he wouldn’t want to see me.I don’t know why I feel so hurt.Maybe I had a tiny pinch of hope that we could still have something?
That wasn’t my intent in coming here.I really did want to help him, if I could.Because I care.
I suck in a shaky breath and let it out slowly.
This wasn’t supposed to happen.I don’t just care about Jax.I love him.Is it a rebound?I don’t think so.Iknowit’s not.I’m in love with him.
I was running away from Chicago because I was hurt and humiliated, and didn’t believe in love anymore.And I fell in love…for real.
Sadness washes through me, heaviness weighing down my arms and legs, my throat burning.
I could see Jax wasn’t being honest.Maybe that “whatever” attitude works with some people, but I know Jax pretty well now, and I can see past it.He’s not happy.He just doesn’t want to admit it.
I hate that he feels that way.I hate that things aren’t working out for him.
But they will.Iknowit.It may not be exactly what he wants, but he’s a talented player and some team will snap him up if things don’t get done soon.The idea of him leaving Chicago, though, feels like a fist ripping out my internal organs.
I lean my forehead on the steering wheel.What does it matter to me where he is?We can’t be together regardless.I do know he wants to stay here, though.
Finally I get my shit together and put my car in drive to head home.
I still feel like a lump of fractured ice has replace my heart.
Jax
Having just showered at the rink, I’m getting dressed when my phone rings.It’s an actual phone call, which usually means it’s Mom or Paul.I reach for it and see it’s Paul.
Fuck, I can’t take more disappointment right now.I ignore the call and toss my phone back into the locker as I finish dressing.
Training camp started yesterday.I’m not there.Obviously.
