Page 128 of Game Changer
I nod slowly, even though Mom can’t see me.My eyes burn.
I think about Molly.About how much I’ve missed her.How much I need her.How empty my life has felt since she left.I think about how good she makes me feel and how I want to be there for her.Always.“Yeah,” I rasp out.“She’s worth it.I can do it.”
“Good.”Mom pauses.“Jax.Your dad and I didn’t want to talk to you about what happened in our marriage, because we didn’t want to point fingers at each other.But part of the problem was not talking to each other about how we were feeling.”
I remember sitting on the deck in Catalina with Dad.I wasn’t great at talking about my feelings, he’d said.
No shit.I guess that’s where I get it from.
“He said it wasn’t your fault.”
Mom laughs softly.“That’s admirable of him to say that.Maybe he’s learned something.But the truth is, I wasn’t good either at expressing what I needed from him.I thought he should know.I let the resentment build.Don’t be like that.”
I frown.“Resentment?”
“Not that specifically, just whatever you’re feeling.Tell Molly.Tellsomeone, but especially Molly.I wish you’d told your dad and me how you were feeling.”
Another memory of that conversation with dad.Because I’d blamed him for cheating on Mom, never asked him about it, never told either of them how much it wrecked me that they split up.What a lot of wasted years.
Wasted years between Dad and me.Wasted years between him and his own father.Wasted years between Dad and Mom, too, I guess.
I don’t want that for me and Molly.I don’t want to regret not being brave enough to tell her how I feel.About everything.Ever.
Yeah, she’s worth it.She’s all that I want in the world.
Molly
I can’t dash out the door the minute Travis and Erin get home, much as I want to.I dutifully wait to admire the gifts they brought the boys, listen to all the things they did in New York, then make my escape.
As soon as I’m home, I text Jax to let him know.
My apartment is a disaster, since I was staying at Travis and Erin’s place the last few days.I left dishes in the sink, clothes piled on the chair in my bedroom, and a basket of laundry in the hall.I have more laundry to add to it now, and I need to get ready for work tomorrow.
I start in the kitchen, frantically loading the dishwasher and scrubbing a pot that’s been soaking for days.Gross.I scrub out the sink and wipe down the counters, then pick up the laundry basket and carry it into the bedroom.I manically sort through the clothes on the chair, tossing some into the laundry basket, others onto the bed to be hung up.Do I have something to wear to work tomorrow?I find an outfit and swiftly hang the rest in my closet.
And never mind my apartment;Ilook like a wreck.I’m still in my Aces T-shirt and jeans.I felt hot when I was cleaning the kitchen, so I scooped my hair up into a ponytail without even looking in a mirror.My hands smell like bleach cleaner.Ugh.I run to the bathroom to get cleaned up.
I’m still rubbing my favorite pink grapefruit lotion into my hands when the apartment buzzer sounds.I let Jax in and pace until he knocks at the door.My apartment is on the second floor so that doesn’t take long.
My heart hammers in my throat when I open the door.“Hi.”
“Hi.”
His smile is so, so gorgeous.I’ve missed it so much.
“Come in.”My hands are shaking as I close the door.
He walks into my living room.My apartment is old, in a three-story brownstone, but I like it.
“Nice,” he says, taking in the old hardwood floors, the bay window overlooking the street, the wide, white-painted baseboard and door trim.
“Thanks.”I’m dying.“Would you like something to drink?”
“Uh.No.I’m good.”
I move past him and take a seat on the couch that sits in front of the bay windows.“Have a seat.”
He sits next to me, but with a bit of distance between us.He’s holding a small cardboard box in his hand that I only now notice.
