Page 108 of Game Changer
“I’ve been thinking about it a lot.I still don’t understand why I did it.I wanted something…” He pauses.“I don’t even know what I wanted.But it wasn’t about you, Molly.”His tone is softer.“I don’t want you to think that.It was never about you.It was me, going through some stuff, looking for something.”
Huh.I appreciate him saying it.But the thing is…I already know that.I figured it out for myself, maybe sometime while I was lying around the pool in California, or while I was pretending that everything was fine while I raged inside.Or while Jax was looking at me like I was precious, laughing at my jokes, and taking care of me like I mattered.This whole experience may have kicked my confidence in the teeth, but in the end…I’m okay.I’m really okay.
“I wish you’d talked to me.”I try to eat some of my lunch, but once again I’ve lost my appetite.
“I’m sorry.”
“You were pissed about the wedding.”
He frowns.“Yeah.Jesus, Molly.That was humiliating.”
“You deserved it,” I say calmly.
He makes a rough noise and I don’t know if he’s disgusted or agreeing with me.Or both.
I ask how his parents are doing.We talk about what he did at home, and how he’s been skating with some of the guys who are back in town.
“Who’s here?”I ask casually.
“Well, Duper and Army, of course.Jax, Bomber, Benny.”
I nod.I feel a piercing little pain in my heart.Jax is in town.I haven’t heard from him since I left the lake.Even though I texted him when I was back in Chicago to let him know I made it safe and sound.
Steve insists on paying for lunch.Maybe he has a guilty conscience.Even though he thought fidelity was “flexible.”Jesus.
We part outside the diner on the sidewalk.It’s a sultry mid-August day, overcast, hot and windy.I eye Steve uncertainly.“Well.Thanks for lunch.”
“You’re welcome.Molly.”He opens his arms for a hug.
I move into them.It feels…okay.Like hugging a friend.I don’t get that close, and then I step back.“Bye.”
His mouth tips down at the corners.“I really blew it with you.”
“I don’t think it was meant to be.For us.”
“No?”He eyes me, then nods.“Maybe so.”
Well, it would have been gratifying if he’d been all broken up and fell down on his knees and groveled for me to take him back.But I guess it’s good that we’re on the same page and again, another sign that things worked out for the best.
I watch him walk away, that big frame and long-legged stride so familiar to me.My bottom lip pushes out as emotion engulfs me.But it’s not because I want him back.It’s just because it’s sad that we were once so happy together, and now we’re not.
But I wouldn’t be happierwithhim.
I walk along the sidewalk and around the corner onto West Argyle where I parked my car.
Weirdly, now I miss Jax more than ever.I’ve been trying so hard not to think about him.But that’s impossible.It’s only been a few weeks, though.I keep telling myself that I’ll get over him, that he was just my rebound.I just have to keep going.
The girls and I are going out for dinner and drinks tonight.I spent the day at school, setting up my classroom.Now I’m home, getting ready to go out.I’m happy to see my friends, but unexcited about going out.
I twirl a few waves into my hair and mess it up, and decide to go all out on the makeup—smoky eyeshadow, lots of mascara, and bright lip gloss.I dress in a new jumpsuit I just bought—black, off-the-shoulder, fitted bodice and loose pants.Then I take the train to Michigan Avenue.We’re meeting at Aster, a rooftop bar near the Riverwalk.As I walk from the train station to the restaurant, I’m acutely aware that I’m only a few blocks from Jax’s place.I have the crazy thought of skipping dinner and dropping in on him.
Ha.
I imagine arriving there and finding him entertaining another woman.
Bleh.A small sharp knife twists in my heart.
I know Jax.I know he likes to date lots of women.I have to accept that.
