Page 188 of The Throne Seeker
She looked down to her hands, playing with her fingers.
Roman slipped his hand into hers, holding it in reassurance.
“It was my father,” she admitted, forcing herself to speak of him. “He was… unkind to me.” She averted her eyes to the dying fire, entering the darkness she’d tried so hard to expel. “Cruel would be a more accurate word,” she corrected herself. “I know my mother had to bear burdens from him I never knew, but the way he treated me, in particular, was… different. Ever since I could remember, he looked at me with such disdain. Like… like he never really wanted me. He put on a mask in public so no one would suspect a thing, but behind closed doors, he could barely stand to look at me. And when he did, it was to punish me for the smallest things. He even hit me, but not often. Bruises left too much evidence. I tried to stay out of his way. It was the main reason I couldn’t wait to go to the castle every summer—just to escape him… That was, until he heard me singing in the gardens one day. He realized I had a rare talent. He started taking me to festivals, events, markets, all of them. People paid handsomely to hear me sing. As I grew older, he noticed how men looked at me…” Her words faltered.
Roman’s eyes darkened, his grip tightening around her hand, but he said nothing, patiently waiting for her to continue.
“When I turned sixteen, he started taking me to more mature places—taverns, pubs, ale houses, take your pick,” she continued. “He used me to distract them while he pickpocketed and stole, perhaps cheated in a game or two. You see, he lost a great deal of money to bad investments one year. Trade and crops were sparse due to the harsh winter. To help our financial situation, he got involved in the black market, making deals with bad men. He foolishly thought he could win back all the money he’d lost, but he only got himself more and more in debt. Hegot in trouble with powerful men he owed a great deal of money to. Which is why we had to leave that summer to salvage the situation.”
She paused, swallowing as she looked down at her hands.
“He got desperate. He took me to the local tavern one night without my mother’s knowledge and made me wear a thin, revealing dress. It wasn’t especially unusual; I wore similar clothes when I sang. But that night, he took me to a different tavern, one we’d never been to before. When we arrived, I noticed the atmosphere was… different. The room was packed to the brim with men and only men. Closed to the public. Little did I know it was an auction… for me.” She dropped her eyes, terrified to hold his gaze. “The instant I realized what he was about to do, I tried to escape, but I was no match. He dragged me onto the stage, put chains on me like I was a slave. The bidding started high—so astronomically high. I was shocked. He’d have more than enough money to pay off his debts. After he sold me, he’d be a free man.”
She paused again, tears threatening to surface as she forced herself into the memory.
“I’ll never forget the man who bought me. He was a mountain of a man, larger than I’d ever seen. He wore a dark hooded cloak so I couldn’t see his face, but his movements were so precise, so… unnatural. His voice was low, smooth, foreign. He bought me for more than triple the previous bid. No one could argue. None of them had that kind of money, but he did. They made him prove it. He walked forward from the back of the pub and threw the mounds of gold on the table. You should have seen the look on my father’s face. It was the most terrifying feeling… I found out just how much I was worth that day.”
Roman’s lips lifted into a snarl. His eyes filled with hatred. “That bastard sold you?”
She dared to look at him, ashamed. “He did.”
His eyes were full of questions, but he remained silent, waiting patiently for her to continue in her own time.
“Not long after, the man took me by the arm and dragged me out the back of the tavern. I tried to get away, but a full-force punch from me did absolutely nothing to him and nearly broke my hand. I was doomed. He threw me in a large carriage. I was sure he was taking me to a room with a bed made just for me.” Tears finally slipped out of the corner of her eye.
Roman balled his hands into white fists, thoroughly enraged.
“But instead, when we finally stopped, I looked out of the carriage window, and I saw my home.” She exhaled, relief filling her just as it had then. “I couldn’t believe it. He was setting me free. He’d just paid a fortune, and he chose to let me go. I remember him still wearing the hood as he got out of the carriage, holding out his hand to help me down.” She looked down at her hand, recalling the ghost-like jolt of lightning that ran up her arm. “I stepped out and told him I couldn’t repay him. And do you know what he said? ‘Work on that punch. That’ll be payment enough.’” She let out a harsh, tearful laugh despite herself, though the smile quickly faded. “He made me promise I’d learn how to fight for myself. He said it’d be the only way I’d always be safe. I vowed that I’d repay him by keeping that promise.”
“You definitely have.” His face was more relieved than she’d ever seen it. “Did you ever find out who he was?”
She shook her head. “No, I never saw his face. And I never saw or heard from him again.”
“What happened when your father found out you’d been returned?”
“I don’t know. He was found dead in the alleyway the next day.” She kept her voice void of emotion, ashamed to feel glad about the fact. “We don’t know by who or why, but I’d take a good guess it was someone who wanted the fortune he had justreceived because the money was also gone. Maybe it was his debtors finally reclaiming what was theirs. We never knew for sure.”
Roman paused, processing it all. “What did your mother think of it all?”
“She wanted to keep it a secret, save our reputation. She thought that perhaps I could redeem us by finding a suitor. So we covered it up, pretended he’d died a good man. We told no one what he was truly like or what he’d done. She carries a large guilt for what happened that night. It’s why she’s so protective over me now. Why she thought the palace would be safer for me. Why getting married to Tristan was the perfect solution… until everything happened.”
His brows grew together. “Why would any of this make me think differently of you?”
She looked up into his eyes, whispering, “BecauseI’mashamed—ashamed I lied to you and your family about our situation. That you were right about me all along—I was using you all.”
He shook his head. “I wasn’t right at all. You loved Tristan. It was real. I know that now.”
“Yes, I loved him… but these past few weeks have helped me realize something.” She paused, looking across the room, back into the fire. “That even with everything that stood in our way of being together, we were two different people meant for different things. The fact doesn’t mean it wasn’t any less real or wasn’t true. Or that he won’t always hold a place in my heart, because he will… but he wasn’t able to see me for who I truly am.” She paused, daring to look back at him.
He wasn’t looking at her, his eyes cast out. He had that soul-crushing look on his face again, the one that sent her into a spiral of guilt.
She scooted towards him, taking his strong face into her hands, forcing him to face her head-on.
His crestfallen eyes shifted, surrendering to her.
“You not only see me—you see rightthroughme. You let me be who I am, and you love me for it. You challenge me. You put me first without hesitation.” She ran her fingers up into his hair. “You saw my sword, and instead of taking it, you fought with me… You don’t mind my fire.”
He lowered his forehead to rest on hers. “I not only don’t mind it, I crave it,” he murmured as he brushed her hair back over her shoulder. “I would never smother it. I just want to be near it, if only to be kept alive by its warmth.”
