Page 105 of The Throne Seeker
She simply looked at him as sorrow filled her.
“You can’t do this to me.” Tristan’s eyes grew as wild as a forest fire. “Ever since I laid eyes on you, I knew I had to have you. I’ve been in love with you for fourteen years.Fourteen years.It’s cruel to make me fall so hard only for you to rip it from my hands. I can’t just unlove you. I can’t forget the way your smile sends me into a frenzy. Forget how your beautiful voice seeps into my soul with every word. Forget how your mouth tastes like life itself.”
Rose’s vision blurred with tears. She looked out into the rain as she pressed her lips together, but she said nothing.
“Do you feel nothing for me?” he asked, softer this time. “Tell me, have I just been blind? Has this all just been one-sided? Some fantasy in my own mind?”
“No,” she said at once. “I love you, Tristan. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone.”
“Then why are you doing this?” he cried. “Why aren’t you fighting for me? For us? Why are you giving up so easily?”
“The past couple of months have been anything but easy.” She blinked furiously to keep the tears from spilling out. “Ever since I walked through those doors, I’ve fought tooth and nail for you. I’m just… I’m not like you. I’m not made for this court life—all the rules, all the expectations, all the judgments. The constant threats that surround us. I try not to let what people say bother me, but it hurts more than I let on, and I’m tired of it. I’m tired of trying to fit in where I’m not wanted.”
Tristan took a step towards her. “Why haven’t you ever mentioned this? Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because I thought I could do it. I thought I could force myself to be what you need because I love you so much, and I didn’t want you not to go through with the succession because of me. I know this is who you are meant to be… I’m just not sure if it’s meant for me.”
Tristan took a step back, picking up on where she was going with this. “What are you saying? You don’t want to marry me?”
Rose’s heart wrenched in her chest. “I don’t know how?—”
“You don’t want me because I’m going to be king?” His voice was raised, infuriated.
Her feelings of inadequacy spilled out in one sentence. “No, I don’t know if I can marry you because I don’t know ifIcan be queen.”
He paused as a new demon rose within him. “I’ll gladly give this crown back.” He ripped off the golden successor’s crown from his head and shoved it at her. “Take it. I don’t want it without you.”
She looked down at the shiny crown. It used to look so grand, but now it looked like nothing but a chain. “That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want how I felt to alter what you’d do. To get in the way of what you wanted. You wanted to be king, and you still do. The seer confirmed it. Admit it, Tristan. You want this more than anything, and rightfully so. You are exactly thekind of king Cathan needs. I can’t let my own limitations set you back from being who you truly are. Iloveyou for who you are. I can’t imagine there isn’t a girl alive out there who wouldn’t fall in love with you if only they met you. You should be with someone who can rise where I have fallen short.”
“Rose, how many times do I have to tell you? I wantyou. I only want you… Gods, you’re all I’ve ever wanted,” he whispered, cupping her face gently.
She fought the urge to lean into his touch. She had to tell him. He had a right to know why she’d be forced to choose someone else. He deserved to know the truth—all of it.
“Tristan, there’s something I’ve been keeping from you. My—” She fought to keep her voice from shaking. “My mother and I have no money. We are all but destitute. That’s why I had my coming out ball, why I’ve been adamant about entertaining Grant.”
Tristan’s face contorted into full-blown shock. “What?”
Her eyes met his, filled with guilt. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. But my mother and I felt it would be better for no one to know until everything was settled.”
“How can that be? Didn’t your father leave you with a fortune?”
“He left nothing but debt,” she corrected. “That was why we had to leave last summer. When my mother discovered our fortune was nearly gone, we rushed home to salvage the situation. But it was already gone. He was a terrible gambler. He lost everything and paid for it with his life. All we had left was what little my mother had. We used it to come here. The manor, the money, our possessions, it’s all gone.”
Tristan’s mouth hung open. “What?!” he spat angrily, betrayed. “How did I not know this about him?”
“Because I didn’t think it mattered. But now I see it matters a great deal. How do you think the council will feel when theydiscover my secret now, when they have another offer that is so much more enticing? The princess brings not only money, but land, livestock, soldiers, an alliance.”
Tristan’s eyes widened as he saw the truth in her words. But he wasn’t having it. He shook his head in denial as he cursed under his breath and ran his hands through his hair. “So now you just want to give up? My father and the council disapprove, so you just accept it?” Tristan took her hand in his. “I’ll find another way around this. I won’t sign the contract.”
She wished she didn’t have to resort to this, but it looked like she had no choice.
“Yes, you will. Because if you don’t, I’ll leave anyway, and you’ll never see me again.”
He became deathly still, his simmering eyes turning into hot, blue flames.
“Even if you refuse to sign the treaty or take the crown, I won’t marry you.” She wished her voice had come out stronger. Wished she didn’t have to break his heart like this. Wished there was another way to do this gently. But there was more to this than just politics.
Tristan paced in frustrated strides before swerving back to her. “So either way, I lose you?” he fumed, enraged. “You’re just going to force my hand and give me no choice? You’re going to just leave me? Again?!”
