Page 47 of Saving Tracey
I wasn't even really hearing him anymore. I was so lost in what I was doing that everything seemed to fade out around me.
I finally found an old razor under his sink, and I desperately tried getting it out of the plastic surrounding it. I screamed in fright when the door came crashing in, and Trevor stood in the entrance, his chest heaving up and down, anger morphing his features. He snatched the razor out of my hand, slicing his palm open in the process. He slung it into the sink.
"What in the fucking hell do you think you're doing?" His eyes were locked on the razor in the sink, not giving a second glance to the fact that I was naked in front of him.
I stepped back from him, fear rising in my chest. I had never seen Trevor so angry around me, but he was really pissed this time.
And for once, he was actually pissed at me.
"You can't keep doing this every time you start feeling down, every time you start fucking remembering shit they did to you!" Tears blurred my vision. "I know it's fucking hard; I know the pain that fucking deep, dark depressing hole has put you in, but you can't keep fucking giving up, Tracey!” He pushed his good hand through his hair.
“I am right here—right in front of you! You can't keep doing this! I can't keep turning my back for two goddamn seconds just to turn back around to see you trying to slice your fucking veins open!" He stepped toward me, bringing his hands up to my face. I was too nervous and too afraid to give a damn about the blood on his hand. His face swept down to mine, and he kissed me hard—passionately—his lips molding against mine, and I could feel the desperation in his kiss. He moved his head back a little, his eyes holding mine.
"Tracey, I fucking love you.” My heart stopped in my chest at his words, and then it began beating insanely fast as my chest swelled with adoration for this incredible guy in front of me. “If I lose you, I'll lose my damn mind. Please, baby, try. You've got to try. If you feel down, I am here. If you need a shoulder to cryon, I am here. I am always going to be here, baby, because you're fucking everything to me."
Tears were spilling down my cheeks by the end of his small speech. All of my life, I had been desperate for someone to tell me how they felt, tell me that they really loved me. I was so fucking desperate for someone to care.
Trevor, with all of his demons, all of his worries, all of his battle scars, was standing in front of me, confessing his love, confessing how he felt.
Trevor wanted me, and there was no doubt about it. His words rang with absolute honesty.
I collapsed against his bare chest, wrapping my arms around his waist tightly, bawling my eyes out. He wrapped his arms around me securely, holding me tight to him. He ran his fingertips up and down my bare back, his arms flexing around me. "I'm here, baby. I'm not going anywhere. We will fight this together. You will come out strong and fierce. You will overcome this, baby."
I looked up at him, and he wiped some of my tears off of my cheeks. "Promise?"
He nodded, leaning down to kiss me. "I promise."
Chapter Thirteen
Iwas lying on Trevor’s chest when I woke up, and his arm was wrapped around me, his other hand using the television remote to flip through channels on the television. "Morning, baby." He kissed the top of my head.
"Hi," I whispered, sitting up. His guarded eyes followed my movements. My stomach twisted uncomfortably. I really changed Trevor’s opinion of me yesterday.
"What time is it?"
"Seven,” he murmured. "We've got to get ready for school."
School.I hated school. Why the fuck did I even have to continue to go, knowing that I wasn't going to graduate anyway? I just wanted to drop out and stop wasting my time with it.
I sighed, getting out of bed. Trevor sat up instantly, his eyes still watching me. "You alright?"
I was aggravated. Ever since last night, he had been careful about what he did around me. If he couldn't handle the darkness that surrounded me, the constant need to fucking die, then he could just fucking let me go. It was that damn simple.
"I'm fine.” I snatched some clothes out of my bag, storming over to the bathroom. I didn't want Trevor treating me differently. I wanted him to still look at me as the same girl that just needed help.
It was clear that I had pushed him too far last night, and now I was beginning to think that he felt like he couldn’t handle this—couldn’t handleme.
I closed the bathroom door behind me, staring at myself in the mirror. "Why me?" A tear fell down my cheek as I pulled my shirt off, my eyes trailing over all of the scars that covered my body from the years of abuse I had suffered. "I didn't do anything to deserve this," I whispered, my voice cracking. Another tear fell. "It wasn't my fault." I leaned back against the wall, sliding my back down it until I was sitting on the floor. "Why did Daddy have to hurt me?" I sobbed quietly, hoping that Trevor wouldn’t hear me.
I was scarred, and for what? I was broken, and for what? That bastard had ruined my life. He had made me terrified of everything and everyone. What real reason did I have to live if he had taken all of that away from me? I would never be able to enjoy life the way I should have been able to.
The bathroom door opened suddenly, and Trevor stepped into the bathroom, his eyes instantly falling onto my broken, crying form on the floor. I swiped at my cheeks, trying to get rid of the teardrops, but he had already seen them. He cursed, kneeling down and pulling me up. "Jesus Christ, Tracey, why in the hell didn't you come to me?" He wrapped his arms around my naked waist.
"I just wanted to suffer in silence for a moment," I answered quietly, hiccuping as I tried to calm myself down.
He ran his fingers through my hair, tilting my face back so that I was forced to meet his dark eyes. He looked pained—like it physically hurt him to see me this way. "Baby, you’ve sufferedin silence for too long. I'm here now. You don't have to be silent about it anymore."
I nodded. His eyes flickered down to my lips, and I nodded at him, giving him the okay to kiss me. He breathed a sigh of relief, and his lips descended on mine without hesitation, kissing me desperately. His kiss was nice and smooth, his lips gently coaxing mine to respond to him until it became more passionate for both of us.
