Page 96 of Forbidden Billionaires: Vol. 9
“Ah!” Ash clapped her hands. “I’m such a ho for Santa. I sucked his candy cane! I guzzled his penis milk like it was hot chocolate! And I let him stuff me like a Christmas stocking! It’s everything I’d ever dreamed of since I was a little girl! I’m Santa’s little milk cow!”
Penis milk? And since she was a little girl? And she was still using milk cow wrong.But she looked so happy. “Yeah you are!”
“But also…why did I keep calling your daddy Daddy?” She cringed.
“Because that’s his name.”
She shook her head. “God, I think I still wear some of that lingerie Santa gave me. I never knew where it came from!”
“It was a gift from Santa for giving him the best Christmas Eve ever.”
“So he paid me in lingerie? I really am a ho! I’m going to be arrested for holiday prostitution!”
“Definitely not. It happened over a decade ago.”
“And I’m not sure what it says about me that I lost my virginity and then fucked six other dudes in the same night.”
“Don’t forget about the five Christmas elves.”
She put her face in her hands. “Oh my God. I’m such a slut. I let all those elves run train on me. And I’m not even sure why I know what that means! Where did that even come from? It’s like when I asked Cole to raw dog me in the woods at The Society summer camp.”
Sorry, say what?I wasn’t sure she’d told me about that. And certainly not in those exact words. But that did seem like something that would happen at The Society. Those were good times.
“Oh my God,” she gasped. “My number must be so high.”
“Why?” I asked. “Anyone you fuck during an orgy doesn’t count. Honestly it hardly counted as losing your virginity, but since it was Santa I figured we could make an exception.”
“I don’t think that’s how it works.”
“Hmm. Pretty sure it is. Otherwise I need to revise my previous statement about you having only touched 20 cocks before marrying Joe.”
“Oh my God. How many was it? Actually, no. I don’t want to know. Do I have AIDS? I do, right? And gonorrhea? And syphilis? I have them all. I must.” She was breathing so fast. “And how am I going to tell my husband about this without him freaking out? He’s not a big fan of Santa. Maybe this explains why. Do you think he already knows? Oh God. I bet he knows.”
What the hell?Drunk Ash should not have been worried about such things. I grabbed the flask of banana juice she’d promised to drink while I told her the story of how she lost her virginity. It was still practically full. And the story had taken way longer than I thought it would to tell, so her other banana juice must have been wearing off.
Damn it!
My plans always worked. How had this one failed so miserably? Now I was never going to trick her into telling me her secret. She was definitely hiding something from me. She said she didn’t have to follow the Single Girl Rules now that she was married. But then she mentioned married women following something else…Gah!
I needed to know what was going on here. Maybe I could trick her into saying it again… “I’m sure he’ll be fine with it. And you don’t really have a choice. Single Girl Rule #6: Always kiss and tell.”
Ash waved me off. “I don’t follow those rules anymore. Because I’m not a single girl. I’m a married girl. So I follow…” She coughed.
Ah!There it was again!
“What do you follow?” I asked.Tell me!
“Traditional societal norms of marriage, of course.”
“No! You were about to say you follow the Married Girl Rules. Weren’t you?! Tell me everything.” I propped my elbows on the table and leaned forward.
She gave me an exaggerated look of confusion. “I have NO idea what you’re talking about. No one even refers to themselves as a married girl.”
“You’ve literally done it twice in the last…” I looked over at the clock. “Three hours. Wow, okay. That story really did take a while to tell.”
“Oh no! We’re late to the wedding!” Ash started fanning her arm pits.
I didn’t mind being fashionably late. It was practically a requirement for my own wedding. But it did seem strange that we hadn’t landed yet. I hit the call button to talk to the pilot.
