Page 305 of Forbidden Billionaires: Vol. 9
“The last time I was that down was when you left in the middle of the night. Do you know how much that hurt me? How much it hurt Mom?” My voice cracked on “mom.” He had hurt both of us. My mom dealt with it by flitting through relationships. And me? Clearly I hadn’t learned to deal with it at all. Or else I wouldn’t be standing on the beach sobbing all alone.
“I’m not having this conversation with you, Mila. It’s been years. Get over it.”
“How am I supposed to get over it if you won’t talk to me? You can’t erase me, Dad. You can’t undo me just because I was a mistake. For once in your life would it hurt you to care?”
“Excuse me?”
“I need you. I need you to help me figure out how to fix this mess. Please. Don’t you care about me at all?”
“Go to SMU or don’t. That choice is yours. But I have a reservation I’m going to be late for. And please do not call this number again, we’ve talked about this. Nancy is right. This needs to stop. For good this time.”
“Fuck you.” The words fell out of my mouth before I could stop them. But once they were out there, at least I could stand up a little taller. Despite the tears streaming down my cheeks and the sobs escaping my throat, I’d finally told my dad how I felt. I’d finally stood up to him. And seriously, he deserved it.Fuck him.
“I’m glad we’re on the same page,” he said and hung up.
I let my hand drop to my side. That was it. My relationship with my own father boiled down to two words at the end. No “I love you.” Just a goodbye “fuck you.” I didn’t deserve that. Not from the man in my life that I was supposed to look up to. Not from anyone.
“Mila?”
I turned around to see J.J. staring at me. How much of that conversation had he heard? Did he think I was a monster from the way I spoke to my father? Would he leave me too?
But he closed the distance between us without waiting for me to say anything at all. He held me as I cried ugly tears. Snot dripping onto his shoulder ugly tears. He held me until I couldn’t cry anymore.
“It’s okay,” he finally said as he rubbed his hand up and down my back. “We’ll figure it out.”
I cringed, knowing he’d pretty much heard the entire conversation. “It’s not okay.” I rubbed the evidence of tears and snot off my face with the back of my hand. “He sent my tuition to SMU. It’s too late. I have to go back.”
“Then come to New York with me. Screw California. You can start a restaurant without a degree.” Those words maybe would have been enough for someone else. He believed in me. He wanted me to live in New York with him. But all I heard was that he didn’t want to do long distance. And it was easy to fixate on that because I’d lived a life without love. And for once in my life I needed the words. If he wanted me to move to NYC with him, I needed to know exactly how he felt about me.
I pulled back at him and just stared into his ocean blue eyes.Say it, J.J.Of all people, he knew what I needed. He knew me. And yet…he didn’t say anything at all. “You could come to Cali,” I said. Him dropping everything and moving with me? If he couldn’t say the words out loud, he could show me that he loved me. It felt like the only way.
“I have a great job lined up, Mila. I can’t just drop everything and go to California with you. My life is here.”
Without me.I tried not to start bawling again. I hugged him again, trying to hide my face from him. What it came down to was that he wasn’t willing to change his plans for me. So why should I be willing to change my plans for him? I needed to find the strength to put myself first. For once in my life I needed to realize that I was important. I mattered. Because I was the only person capable of believing in myself. “And I can’t go to New York,” I said into his neck. “I have to finish school.”
He didn’t say anything back. He didn’t have to. J.J. could do long distance if it wasn’t quite that far away. Weekend train rides back and forth between Delaware and New York was as far as he was willing to go. But I was about to head back to the west coast for a whole year. With no money to visit him.
It didn’t matter that he held me a little tighter as we stood there. It didn’t matter that this was the best summer of my life. All that mattered was that he’d warned me right from the start. He didn’t do long distance. And I was supposed to be putting myself first this summer. I just didn’t realize how much it was going to hurt.
Those Summer Nights - Chapter 28
Friday
I was supposed to leave next week for the University of New Castle. But I didn’t have the luxury of waiting until the last minute to move now. I needed to find an apartment in Cali. Sign up for new classes. Start over.Again.I’d wanted to prolong summer until the last minute, but what was the point now? It was about to end anyway. Sticking around for an extra week would just make it that much harder to say goodbye. Ever since I had found out about the tuition mix-up, I had heard the clock ticking down in my head. The last week had felt like torture anyway, and I couldn’t take it anymore.
“I can’t believe you’re not coming back to Newark with me.” Kristen stuck her bottom lip out. “I was so excited. We would have had so much fun.”
It still hurt to talk about. Everything had been right there for me. Everything I’d ever wanted. I felt gutted. And I didn’t have anything left to say, so I continued packing.
“Have you said goodbye to J.J. yet?” she asked.
But she knew I hadn’t. I’d spent all night with her last night, reminiscing over our summer and of course drinking margaritas. At least I’d finally learned how to hold my tequila. And I’d spent all day at my last shift at Sweet Cravings. I bowed out a little early with the excuse of needing to pack. J.J. would be stopping by here right after work.
I shook my head. “My Uber comes in thirty minutes. I told J.J. to come over…” I glanced at my phone. “Well, he should be here any minute now.”
She sat down on the edge of my bed. “Does he know you’re leaving early?”
“He’s about to.” I closed my suitcase and zipped it shut.
