Page 28 of This Vicious Hunger
“I told myself I would look out for you. There’s—something’s happening with you and it’s just like before. You’re not yourself. Distracted, irritable.” He ticks the list on his fingers.
The pieces slot together and I have to fight not to laugh.“You’re talking about—about what happened withClara,” I say. “You think I’m—like her. That I’m going to run off or go mad or something. Is that what all this is about?”
The look on Leo’s face says it all.
“You’re getting distant, just like she did. Moody. I know I wasn’t the best husband, but Clara was my best friend. I knew she was unhappy, and because I was too… I didn’t help her. I’m sorry, I have to say it: Have you been…” He trails off.
“Have I been what?” I demand. My head pounds with my rapid pulse. I’m going to be sick.
“Have you been going to the garden?”
I lay down my fork. When I meet Leo’s gaze I don’t like what I see. My stomach clenches, a sheet of cold water down my back. How does he know? He couldn’t possibly—and yet, he does. What if he finds a way to stop me from visiting the garden? He could tell Petaccia, orsomebody. Maybe nobody official knows about Olea and the garden. Maybe theyshouldknow. And, oh god, maybe Leo knows about Olea.
A flash of jealousy roars to the surface, drowning my other thoughts. I’m not sure why, but the thought of Leo knowing about Olea—and keeping her a secret from me—makes me feel sick. He can’t know about her, can he? If he did, why would he hide it?
“You said you’d help me find out more about it,” I release through gritted teeth. “I thought that meant you didn’t know anything.”
“Okay, so I lied. But you promised not to go there!” Leonardo throws his hands up, nearly sending his fork flying. He glances around, panicked, and then leans forward and lowers his voice. “I didn’t want you to go there, Thora. I warned you. I told you it’s dangerous.”
“And what’s so dangerous about it?” I play dumb despite the sick feeling, tilting my head, pretending to myself and to Leo that I’m not about to get up and walk out. “All this silliness about the tower being unstable. It’s hogwash. I toldyouI wouldn’t goinsideand I haven’t. So what’s the problem? What’s got you so twisted up?”
“It’s not just about the garden or the plants or the tower or any of that.”
“Then whatisit about?” I demand, breathless despite my attempts to hide it. Olea, and the garden, aremine. “Why are you being so pigheaded about this?”
“It’s because ofher.”
All around us is the clatter of knives and forks, men talking and drinking and laughing together. But the silence between Leo and me at the table is sharp enough to cut glass. For a second I consider lying; Leo has no proof that I know anything about Olea, and I’m not sure I want to have this conversation. Yet—I need to have it. Because Leo knew about her, and I need to know how, and why he lied.
“What do you know of her?” My words come out so cold and slow they might as well be ice. “And why didn’t you say anything about her before?”
Leonardo wilts under my gaze. He steeples his fingers against his lips and lets out another long sigh that does nothing to abate the unfamiliar jealousy inside me.
“I didn’t say anything because it isn’t my place to spread gossip. And I especially don’t want to say anything negative about… a woman. To you.”
“Right. But you’ve changed your mind,” I say bitterly. “Why?”
“There are rumours about her. She gives me a very bad feeling,Thora. I’ve felt this way for a long time. Since before you came here. I… Look, I have my suspicions. It’s not my place to spread—”
“Gossip,” I cut him off. “Yes, you said. But that’s exactly what you’re doing.”
“You know she’s your Dr. Petaccia’s ward? I bet she didn’t tell you that, did she?” Leonardo’s cheeks are pink—though I’m not sure if it’s anger or embarrassment. Both emotions war within me, too, bile rising in my throat, the sharp stab of betrayal in my chest. “She likes to float about and warn people about entering the garden, trying to make them think she’s going to—going to curse them or something.”
“She’s what?” The words are like pollen in my brain; I can’t understand them. “She’s her ward?”
A wave of confusion engulfs me. Why has Petaccia never mentioned her? And somehow worse: Why has Olea never mentioned the doctor? Not for the first time I feel as if I’m on the outside, a waif staring through the window of a bakery, starved. Am I so naive that everybody thinks they must keep things from me?
“I don’t know the details, but people say she has some sort of illness. The kind you have from birth. Her parents abandoned her and she was left on the steps of the St. Ellie chapel years ago, and Dr. Petaccia—being the only woman on staff—took her in.” Leo takes his spectacles off and lays them on the table, his mouth twisting urgently.
The next wave of my thoughts is much muddier, a mixture of regret, and still that spiky jealousy, but also—excitement. This could be an opportunity. If Petaccia were to support my budding friendship with Olea—lonely, strange Olea—what favour might await me? My mind is abuzz.
“You have to understand, I’m not saying this to upset youor monopolise you. I just… This girl is strange, Thora, and she doesn’t have a job or a family so far as I know. She can afford to spend her time however she wants, flouncing about not sleeping or whatever it is you’re both doing. But you—you have work to do here, and you’re distracted.”
I’m distracted.Am I?I disagree.
I’m angry. At Leo and at Olea both. But this could be a beginning; it could open more doors than it might close. Alongside Petaccia’s award-winning works, my name might only be a footnote, a mere acknowledgement within—but with a friendship with Olea, if she is truly the doctor’s ward… I might have something else to bargain with to show my worth.
“I just thought it was important that I said something before you got yourself into a mess with the doctor,” Leo adds, much more quietly. So quiet I can hardly hear him over the hum of my thoughts. “I’ve heard she’ll come down like a tonne of bricks on anybody who dares mess with the girl. Thora… I don’t know if you understand what’s riding on this—but you’re in a more vulnerable position than I think you know.”
