All this to say, it’s weird to think that I’m not going to grow old and die. Or, maybe, that I am dead, depending on how you look at it. And even then, maybe I do get to grow old, but slowly and miserably and utterly alone.
“It is June. I am tired of being brave.”
It is December. I miss you.
Brennan
A letter, Cole to Brennan
They Both Die at the Endby Adam Silvera
I think it’s normal to think about your legacy. What people think about you when you’re not around. How many versions of me are floating around in people’s heads right now? I guess I’ve always hoped that my legacy is being kind to people. That people remember me as a friendly face, someone who is good. There are more ways to make a difference than making history, or writing the next Great American Novel. Sometimes it’s enough to be a good friend. Or to hold the door open for a stranger. To make little differences.
You’re a nerd, so I won’t bother going into the butterfly effect. It would only be redundant for you. But things you do matter. At least, that’s what I believe, and I can only hope that karma or the Lord are looking out for me, too.
I get it though. The call to more. My dad’s mad I didn’t get an internship for next semester. He thinks he can pull some strings for me. I wish he wouldn’t. I can’t imagine spending my days working on spreadsheets and marketing plans and trying not to gouge my eyes out. I probably picked the wrong field, all things considered. Business doesn’t care much about people, does it? I wish I could bake things and read books and not worry about all this, about money, and making a difference. But maybe us two idiots are cursed to forever worry about things we can’t change.
Cole
BRENNAN’S PHONE
Brennan
What a depressing fucking book how DARE you???
Call Log 12/22
Cole > Brennan 2 hr 38 min
Brennan
I don’t know how to talk to my mom now that I’m a vampire.
Cole
She still doesn’t know?
Brennan
Nope. I don’t want her to.
Cole
I get it’s a scary thing to trust someone with.
Brennan
Yeah. And she worries about me a lot, it just seems like another Thing.
Call Log 12/24
Brennan > Cole 1 hr 12 min
Call Log 12/25
Cole > Brennan 12 min
Nellie