Page 33 of The Marriage Debt
Gloomily she reviewed her talents. She was an adequate but not exceptional needlewoman, so setting up in a millinery or dressmaking business was not an option. She had an excellent grasp of languages but no talent with any musical instrument, so becoming as governess was beyond her reach. Her earlier confident assertion to Jenny that she could earn her living teaching French and Italian now seemed hopelessly over-confident. Housekeeper or companion appeared to be the only options for a living wage, however modest.
Neither was likely to pay so much that she could hope todischarge her debt. All she would be able to do was salve her conscience by sending what little she was able to save each year to the moneylenders under her own name but concealing her whereabouts. Goodness knows what the effect of the interest would be upon the total.I am going to go to my grave in debt, she thought despairingly, struggling not to think harshly of Philip, heedlessly pursuing his own pleasures somewhere on the Continent.
When the clock downstairs struck three the treacherous voice of temptation began to whisper in her ear.Let him make love to you,it murmured insidiously.You love him, you want him. He knows what the consequences are, he will pay your debt and you will never have to worry again.
Katherine lay still, wrestling with herself until her conscience won. No, she could not do it, not and live with herself afterwards. And at last she dropped off to sleep.
The next morning they breakfasted in their rooms and Theo went down with John to pay their shot. The effusiveness of Paul Carson the landlord made him feel uncomfortable, as though he was back under false pretences, as an inner voice told him he was. Banished, he had sworn never to come back, now he wrestled with the uncomfortable thought that he was using Kat as an excuse to do the right thing and return.
That was considerably less uncomfortable than the memory of last night and the recollection of the vivid anger and betrayal on Kat’s face as they had stood, eye to eye, on the inn stairs. How had he misjudged her so badly? He was not inexperienced with women, he thought ruefully as he strolled out into the yard to see if John needed any help hitching up the team. With Kat it seemed that every instinct was awry.
Without a word spoken he took the head of the wheeler and backed it into the shafts. She had seemed yielding, aware of him.In his arms she had responded with an innocent passion which turned his bones to water, even as it fired his blood. But she was having none of him it seemed, however dire her circumstances.
With a shake of his head he cinched the girth and turned to see what else needed doing. But he was too near home now for physical effort to distract him from his circling thoughts.
And what would his father say to Kat? One word of disparagement and he would turn on his heel and leave, he resolved grimly. She might be determined to free herself from him, but his honour and his instincts would fight her every step of the way. Never mind that he had married her expecting to be dead days ago: now she was his first concern over family and all other duties.
‘That’s all right and tight,’ John said, twisting the reins around the brake. He regarded Theo with an uncomfortably intelligent eye. ‘And where do we go now? Sir.’ The last word was an afterthought, not a disrespectful one, but a clear indication that John had still not made up his mind about the man Jenny was happy to refer to as “The Master”.
Theo leaned against the nearside shaft and began to explain the route which was as familiar to him as the back of his own hand. John’s eyes became round, then narrowed and then finally round again. He asked one question which Theo answered with a curt nod. There was a moment’s silence then he remarked, ‘Miss Katherine will have something to say about that when she realises.’
‘Indeed.’ Theo thought she would have rather more than “something” to say, but he preferred that it was not said in the inn courtyard. Not that she was likely to be saying anything at all to him after the way they had parted last night. On the thought Kat appeared, Jenny at her heels.
Theo conjured up all thesang-froidat his disposal and opened the carriage door. She was wearing what must be herbest day dress, he realised. Her bonnet was smart yet restrained and her hair was rigorously tidy beneath it. All in all, the perfect new daughter-in-law. His heart ached at the effort she was making.
Katherine nodded in the general direction of Theo as she climbed into the coach. She found she could not meet his eye and neither could she find any word of greeting. It was as though a pane of glass had descended between them and all they could do was gesture at each other through it.
The glass shattered as he entered the carriage on Jenny’s heels. She had not expected this, none of her defences were in place to deal with him.
‘Good morning,’ he said pleasantly, settling back opposite the two women. ‘I hope you slept well.’ The query was directed straight at Jenny who smiled unaffectedly and nodded.
‘Oh yes, sir. Good feather beds they have here.’
‘I passed an indifferent night,’ Katherine remarked and was surprised at the fire in the dark eyes as they focused on her.
‘Indeed? So did I. Perhaps our unrest had a similar cause.’
She had hoped to discommode him, now he had thrown the challenge straight back to her. ‘I have no doubt it did,’ Katherine agreed warmly, aware that her temper was showing in her eyes.
‘To what do you attribute it?’
Damn him.And damn him for making her use bad language, even in her thoughts. She smiled sweetly. ‘I am nervous of meeting my new family, and I am sure you feel some apprehension after all these years, Theo.’
Her husband made no attempt to reassure her about his family and her heart sank. This was going to be every bit as difficult as she feared. They both fell silent and it seemed that Theo had retreated into his own, self-contained world. What he was facing could not be easy, but he was not going to let herglimpse the slightest sign of inner turmoil.
Jenny remarked, ‘What a long wall.’
Katherine leaned forward to look out of the window. On the nearside of the carriage stretched a high freestone wall, neatly mortared, regularly buttressed and apparently endless. After five minutes, when there was no break in it, she remarked, ‘The park of a great estate I assume.’
‘Yes, the Duke of Marlowe’s.’
‘A family with which you are acquainted?’ That might give her some clue as to his family’s local standing.
There was a pause then Theo replied evenly, ‘I was close to the younger son at one time.’
They drove for perhaps another two miles in silence. Katherine found the monotony of the uniform wall cast an almost hypnotic spell over her and she could do little other than gaze at it. Then the carriage slowed. Glancing at him she saw the sudden alertness in Theo, the way his eyes darkened. Expecting John to go left, away from the wall, Katherine was taken by surprise as the carriage made a right turn and passed between high gateposts.
Off-balance she swayed against the movement of the carriage and was thrown forward. Theo caught her forearms and settled her back on the seat. The incident was over in a moment, but it was enough for her to miss whatever John called down to the gatekeeper as the great gates swung open.
