Page 40 of The Society Catch
Joanna nodded, not meeting Hebe’s eyes.
‘What has he done to you? You can tell me, I will not be shocked, whatever it is.’
‘Oh nothing likethat. He has done nothing at all, except be in love with someone else.’
‘But he made you promises, led you to believe he cared for you?’
‘No. He is quite blameless and he has not the slightest idea I love him. But I do love him, and for ever. And when I found out that it was hopeless, that he loved someone else and wantedto marry her, I just could not think what to do with the rest of my life, and Mama insisted that I marry Rufus Carstairs who is hateful. So I ran away to think.’
Hebe put down her knife and stared at her. ‘But when did you meet this man, Joanna? You have always been so… I mean, we used to joke that you were the perfect debutante.’
‘I cannot tell you where I met him. The only reason I wanted to be “perfect” was for him,’ Joanna said bleakly. ‘Everything was for him. And yes, it was a very foolish thing to do and I never thought about the real man at all, only about my thoughts and my plans and my feelings. He was a dream, an ideal. Nothing you can say will reproach me any more than I reproach myself.’
‘Then if you recognise that,’ Hebe said, ‘then you know it is not real and you can hope for another person to enter your heart and your life.’
‘No.’ Joanna shook her head sadly. ‘I may have fallen for an ideal, and I know the real man is not a pattern book of virtues. But I still love him. I love him even more for being flesh and blood. And there will never be anyone else. Not while he lives.’
‘Who is it, Joanna?’
‘I will not tell you.’
‘Do I know him?’
‘I will not tell you.’
Hebe sat back, one hand on the swell of her stomach and winced. ‘Stop kicking Frederick!’
‘Frederick?’
‘It is what I call the baby – just in jest you understand. I am sure he has eight feet, and all of them booted. Joanna, how can I help you if you will not confide in me?’
‘You cannot help me, no-one can. I must simply find my own way through this. If I were only an heiress. Then I could become an eccentric spinster and do something about those unfortunate women. As it is, I suppose I must become the typical unmarrieddaughter. I am sorry, Hebe, I cannot expect you to understand.’
‘But I do. For several long, horrible weeks I thought that Alex was going to marry someone else. If that had happened I do not know what I would have done, or whether I could ever have contemplated marrying another man. It came right for me, we must make it come right, somehow, for you.’
‘I wish I had your confidence.’ Joanna took a long sip of her coffee. ‘But am not going to repine, for that will not help me. Nor will running away, I know that now. I am here, I have your support, my parents appear to have forgiven me and I hope I can be of some use to you for a while.’
Hebe looked doubtful. ‘Promise you will tell me if there is anything, anything at all.’
‘I promise. Where is Alex?’
‘He rode over to Giles’s family home with him, first thing. Giles is very worried about his father, as I am sure you know. Alex has promised to support the fiction that Giles is spending a summer of wild indulgence – you know about that as well, I expect?’
‘I do. His mother sounds a most unusual lady.’
‘She is charming but very unconventional. When you get to know Giles really well you can see her in him. But I expect all you saw was the ideal cavalry officer.’
‘Er, yes. He is certainly used to his orders being carried out, isn’t he?’
‘Alex says he is the best officer of his acquaintance. It is so sad he is selling out, he would have had a glittering career.’
‘He said something about not wishing to be a peacetime officer,’ Joanna said indifferently. The pleasure of speaking about Giles was insidious. She was terrified of saying too much, yet to avoid the subject of her rescuer would seem suspicious. Or so she told herself. ‘He is going to stay there? His home, I mean?’
‘Oh, no. Would you pass the conserve. Thank you.’
‘Of course, I was forgetting, he was planning on going to Brighton.’
‘No. He is going to stay here – unless he finds things much worse at home with the General. I think he realised I would appreciate him distracting Alex and he said something about buying horses as well. Anyway, he seemed quite content to stay for a few weeks. And it will be company for you.’
