Page 28 of Protective Assignment
“I don’t know where to start,” she confessed.“It’s all been going on for so long, I guess, I just got used to nothing ever happening between us, you know?”
“Happening between who?”
“Between Xavier and me,” she replied.
River’s eyes widened.“Wait, there’s…there’s something happening with you guys?”
“That’s the problem, I don’t even know,” Hannah replied.“I… I’ve had feelings for him for a long time.Ever since I was a kid, pretty much.Him and my brother, Lawson, they’ve been friends for years—best friends.I knew he was always off-limits, so I never even thought about making a move.But the more time that passed, the harder it became to pretend I didn’t feel the way I do about him.”
River’s eyebrows rose as she listened to Hannah.She had noticed some tension between Xavier and Hannah, but she had no idea this was where it came from.Not knowingeither of them well, she’d assumed it was something work related, not personal.
“I know, I know,” Hannah added, shaking her head when she saw the look on River’s face.“It’s such a mess.I don’t know what it was, but I just… I decided I had to tell him the truth.So… I did.I told him how I felt.”
“And?”River prompted.
“He kissed me,” she replied, a smile brushing across her lips at the memory.“I told him I had been in love with him for years, and he…he kissed me.He didn’t say anything back, but he didn’t have to.I knew what was going on in his head.I knew…” She trailed off again, shaking her head.
“But someone saw, and they told my brother,” she continued.“And he’s furious.I mean, I always knew he would be upset.I knew he warned Xavier to stay away from me years ago, but I had no idea he would take the news this badly.He’s so angry at both of us.Livid.I don’t know what kind of damage it’s done to their friendship, or our relationship, or…any of it, really.It’s such a mess and it’s my fault.I should never have said anything.”
“You can’t keep your mouth shut about something like that,” River replied at once.“If the two of you have feelings for each other, you can’t let your brother get in the way of that.”
Hannah smiled a little sadly.“Yeah, I guess,” she murmured, and then she seemed to notice what River was wearing for the first time.She stared at her for a moment, eyes sliding up and down her outfit, taking in the bag on her shoulder and Cade’s jacket wrapped around her.
“Why are you dressed like that?”she wondered aloud.“You going somewhere?”
River hesitated before she responded.Could she tell her the truth?She would feel bad keeping her mouth shut when Hannah had just told her something so personal.
She could tell her a piece of the truth, at least.That was something, right?She slipped the bag from her shoulder and set it on the floor next to her.
“I… I was worried about Cade,” she confessed.“I thought I would go after him and see if there was some way I could help.”
“At this raid thing?”she asked with wide eyes.
River nodded.“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking,” she replied with a half-hearted laugh.“I know it’s crazy.”
“It’s not crazy,” Hannah assured her, smiling sweetly.“You…you have feelings for him, don’t you?”
River bit her lip.If she said this next part out loud, there would be no more hiding from the truth, no more pretending like she didn’t feel the way she did about this man.But maybe there was something to be said for being honest.Maybe it was time for her to confess how she felt, and share it with someone she knew she could trust.Hannah had just told her about her love life, after all.River might not have had much of one yet, but she needed to talk to someone about it.
“Yeah, I do,” she replied.“I can’t get him off my mind.I know it sounds crazy because we don’t know each other that well yet, but I really like him.”
“Hey, I can’t blame you,” Hannah replied, managing a laugh.“He’s really hot.And the two of you have been living together.Has anything…you know…happened between you yet?”
“We kissed,” River admitted.
Hannah clapped a hand over her mouth.“Oh my gosh, really?That’s so great,” she gushed, and River couldn’t help but smile.It felt good to finally talk to someone else about it, to admit her feelings out loud.It felt like a tiny weight had been lifted.Hannah might not have known the whole story, but it had been a long time since she’d had a girlfriend she could talk to about stuff like this.
“Yeah, and I think I’m really falling for him,” she continued.“I don’t know what’s happening between us, and I don’t want to push him.I know I should have more self-control around him.”
“Girl, have you seen the way he looks at you?”she exclaimed.“He’s the one who’s been needing the self-control out of the two of you.”
“You really think so?”River asked, chewing her lip.It had been so many years since she’d had anything resembling a normal relationship, she could hardly remember what it felt like to have someone show interest in her.How was she supposed to recognize it?But if Hannah seemed to think there was something going on there, maybe she wasn’t imagining his attraction to her.
“Yeah, I really do,” Hannah replied, reaching over to give her hand a squeeze.“And you deserve it, River.After everything you’ve been through, you deserve someone like Cade.”
River wasn’t sure if she entirely believed that yet.But she knew, at least for the time being, that she wasn’t going to be able to leave now.She couldn’t go back to living on the road, on the run.So maybe she should get used to sticking around here for a little while longer.
Even if the thought of remaining in this place with the Shepards potentially so close by scared the hell out of her.
