Page 60 of Die for You
“I love you!” she screams, arching her back.
And I know that she does.
There are parts about her I love, but I can never say it back and mean it the way she wants.
“I love you…even if you don’t love me back. But you will,” she pants, before coming loudly.
I have no idea what that means, but it sounds like an ominous warning of things to come.
But what’s fucking new.
“Papa, ti amo.”
“I love you too,cara mia.”
It’s Lettie’s fifth birthday, and Nico insisted our littleprincipessagets spoiled, not that that’s any different.
It’s a warm summer day.
The afternoon is filled with happiness and fun. A three-tiered pink ballerina birthday cake sits in the middle of the table. My little Lettie, in her tutu and tiara, claps her hands in excitement as we sing “Happy Birthday.” She patiently waits her turn to blow out her five candles.
Nico is taking photos, smiling proudly.
I stand aside, wishing to take it all in because this is what we live for—moments in time.
“Make a wish,” I say, nodding at Lettie.
She chews her bottom lip, deep in thought, before she leans forward and blows out her candles.
We cheer.
Our glasses are raised.
Cake is eaten.
Coffee is drunk.
Night falls, and Nico takes the broom from my hands and escorts me to the bathroom, where we make love in the shower.
He’s such a wonderful man.
How he’s changed my life.
I wish I could say I’ve changed his for the better, but I know that I haven’t.
He stuck true to his word and raised Lettie like his own.
I had my baby in secret.
The convent was my home.
I forgot who I was and focused on repenting for my sins.
My labor was hard.
I believed it was punishment for all that I had done. But the moment I heard Lettie’s screams, it was worth it.
I kissed her ten fingers.
