Page 41 of Where Quiet Hearts Scream
“Hello,” she replies, in a small voice.
I ask her to join me and her father downstairs and she agrees, so I leave her to finish dressing and head back to the lounge.
Tony comes back in and sits beside me, then, just as he’s about to attempt more small talk, Serafina walks into the room.
My brow drops as I try to make sense of what I’m seeing. She looks nothing like she did in the Hamptons. The weight has dropped off her limbs and her face is pale and gaunt. Where once there was a rounded voluptuousness to her shoulders and hips, there are now sharp peaks where her bones are surfacing. Where her face was bright and soft, with freckles glistening across her nose, now all I see are cheekbones jutting out harshly and an angular jaw. I grit my teeth together to stop anything hurtful from coming out of my mouth.
She stands before me with curious expectation. She probably wants to know why I’m here, but I have to remind myself. It was to get a glimpse of the beauty I’m making mine, the girl who beguiled me with her passion and warmth. I wanted my fill of her bright blue eyes and softly-spoken words. But what I’m confronted with is something else.
I breathe through my nostrils to calm my pulse. I’m so angry with her father for allowing this abhorrent decline in her health that I could smash through the wall of his lounge with my bare fists.
I slowly wet my lips and try to keep a handle on my temper. “Mr. Castellano. I wish to speak with you alone.”
Serafina’s face falls and a frisson of alarm pans across it. She stares open-mouthed at her father who asks her to leave the room.
When she does, it takes a colossal amount of control to not rip his limbs from him as I ask why his daughter has deteriorated so badly in just ten weeks. His excuses are pathetic. Or at least that’s how I interpret them. It doesn’t matter what he says though—the simple fact is he’s allowed his daughter to get away with not eating, not staying healthy, and he’s done nothing about it.
I inform him I’ll be sending a personal chef, and Iinstructhim to ensure she eats. The pure outrage in my eyes must drive it home because his expression is filled with terror. I can’t bring myself to bid him a fond farewell, and it takes everything in me to not slam the door as I leave. The sooner I can get Serafina away from here and in my home where she belongs, the better.
Serafina
Another knock sounds at my bedroom door.
“Sera, are you ready yet? At this rate there’ll be no evening left to celebrate your last night as a single woman!” Trilby’s impatience overshadows the sympathy she’s been showing me this last month. As Maid of Honor, she’s taken on the task of hosting a bachelorette party for me and I’ve made it abundantly clear I don’t want to go. But, I know it’s not really an option, and she’s gone to so much trouble to arrange a lovely dinner for us all, that I can’t hide away for much longer.
“I’ll be right out!” I clean up the blade I just used to release my latest demons and apply a new dressing to my inner thigh. I’d hoped I could go at least one night without cutting myselfbefore the wedding, but since I succumbed to it right after Andreas’ visit, I haven’t been able to stop.
Like a drug addiction, all it took was one lapse and now I’m hooked all over again. All I’ve been able to think about is getting alone so I can cut myself and release the volcanic tension that keeps mounting and mounting.
I havea lotof demons to release. I feel helpless because I have no control over what’s happening in my life. I feel a deep despair at knowing I’m going to be taken far away from my sisters to live with a man whose only formidable talent, it seems, is lying to my face. I feel weighed down with grief at the knowledge Mama would be turning in her grave. The last thing she wanted for any of us was to be forced into marrying mob men. She’d be livid at Papa for letting this happen. And I miss her so much I feel a constant pain in my heart.
With the blade concealed in my kit, I lift the framed portrait of my mother from where it lies face-down on my desk. I can’t let her see what I do to myself.
I pack my kit into the upper drawer of my desk and lock it, then I stash the key in my purse. Allegra has arranged to have my desk and some other belongings packed up to be shipped to the Winchester house. It will be a convenient way of getting my kit there without having it on my person. Now that I’ve experienced first-hand how happy Andreas is to violate my personal boundaries by having me eat whathewants me to eat, againstmywishes, I wouldn’t be shocked if he personally checked through all my belongings too.
I shake my hair down my back, momentarily dislodging the unease that rests permanently on my shoulders. Then, letting the hem of my long summer dress fall to the floor, I unlock my bedroom door and follow the sound of voices to the garden.
There’s a small, exuberant cheer when I step through the doors. Allegra and my sisters greet me with wide smiles and claps, and Trilby busies herself immediately by uncovering the plates of food that look to have been standing out here for a couple of hours. I feel Bambi’s small hand slip into mine. She’s almost seventeen now, but her hand still feels like it belongs to the small girl I guided through early adolescence after Mama was killed.
I glance sideways and she gives me a slightly guilty smile—even my little sister feels bad about my situation. We haven’t spoken a lot since I returned home because I’ve locked myself in my room for most of the time, only coming out when I’ve been given strict orders to force down food.
I’ve spoken with Trilby in short bursts, but for the most part she’s been at the Di Santo residence. I’ve spoken a similarly small amount to Tess. She’s tried a little harder to get me to open up but I made a decision to not let anyone in. No one else needs to feel my pain.
Allegra passes me a plate, her eyebrows raised.
“Has this food been approved by His Majesty?” I ask.
She brightens instantly. “Actually no. Your fiancéhas given us permission to serve whatever we want this evening.”
“Including Twinkies,” Tess says, stuffing one into her mouth.
Sometimes I wish I could be like her—able to eat whatever I want and not put on any weight. Unfortunately though, I only have to look at a Twinkie and my thighs fill out. Then again, I suppose if I danced for several hours a day, I’d be able to eat whatever I wanted too.
Allegra shoots me a wink. “I got you some peanut butter popcorn. Your favourite.”
My jaw drops in mock horror. “But Allegra, however am I going to look my fiancé in the eye knowing I’ve succumbed to such treachery?”
Trilby slides a flute of champagne into my hand. “Drink enough of this and you won’t remember.”
