Page 81 of Darkest Sin
“So… what does that mean? You don’t want to be with me anymore?”
“I still want to be with you. I couldn’t leave you even if I wanted to. And I don’t want to leave you. But I also can’t ignore what you’re capable of. You say you will never do anything like that to me but… how do I know for a fact? You were a stranger to me when we first met. We were sill strangers when we married. How do I know you’ll never use your fists against me?”
“I have proven myself to you. I have protected you. I killed Antoni for you. I saved you from your uncle. Haven’t I shown that I would never hurt you?”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. I hate how much pain there is in his voice. “I do believe you, Mikhail. I do. But I can’t help but also be a little afraid. And I know that’s not what you want to hear but I thought I was allowed to voice my fears with you. That’s a part of a marriage, is it not? My parents did it all the time with each other.”
“You talk about your parents’ marriage like it was perfect. But I knew Lev. He told me about his marriage. The doubts he had with Tatiana.”
“I know my parents didn’t always get along,” I snap. He raises an eyebrow and I flush, ducking my head. “I’m sorry. But I know they married for an alliance, not for love. My dad was a lot older than my mom. But I also know they did their best with what they had. And my dad listened to my mom when she spoke about anyconcerns she had. Am I not allowed to do the same? You told me I was allowed to have agency.”
He removes his hand from my knee and grips the steering wheel so tight, his knuckles turn white. “You can speak what’s on your mind. Even if I don’t like what you’re saying.”
I sigh. “I’m sorry, Mikhail. I care for you. I don’t want to be without you anymore. I know that for a fact. You’ve awoken something in my body. Also a fact. But… I was still scared tonight, seeing you beat that man up. I was scared when you killed Jackson like it was nothing. You can’t blame me for that. You have to see why I would be scared.”
“Your father was a Bratva man.”
“Yes, but he never brought that home to me.”
“You told me you wanted to know everything I did.”
“Yes,” I say slowly. “And I meant it. I still do. But there’s a difference between you telling me about business plans versus killing someone right before me. Can’t you see that?”
He’s silent for a beat before he sighs and loosens his hold on the steering wheel. “Yes. I can. I don’t want you to fear me, Natalya. Not for real. If we ever play a game, then that’s different. I’ll try to be more mindful of what I do around you.”
“You’re so used to telling everyone what to do that you haven’t considered what the right thing to do is. You want to protect me. So that also includes protecting me from you.” It kills me to say these things. To see the pain on Mikhail’s face. To know that I’m hurting him.
But he needs to know. If we’re ever to have a true, real marriage, then I can’t be afraid to voice my own mind.
We arrive back home but neither of us gets out of the car.
Slowly, Mikhail turns to me. “I will try to do better. Now, we’ve had a long night. Let’s get some sleep.”
“Ok.” I grab his hand before he can leave the car. “You know I care about you, right?”
His eyes soften. “I do, baby.”
Even though things still feel tense between us, there also feels like hope.
But then I look down at his bloody knuckles – both from his blood and the man he punched – and I can’t help but worry even more.
I wake up to the sound of my phone ringing. With a gasp, I sit up in bed and scramble for the it. It dawns on me that Mikhail isn’t there. Where is he?
I check my phone and see that it’s not Mikhail calling me. Nor is it a number I don’t recognize.
It’s Sasha.
“Sasha?” I whisper, as if Uncle Denis is listening in. Well, he just might be.
“Natalya. I managed to steal my phone back from Uncle Denis. He was keeping all our phones locked in his office but I got it back. I had to call you.”
Sasha and I have never exactly been close. We don’t hate each other but we’ve never been warm to each other either. So hearing her call me lets me know that something bad has happened.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“The reason I was able to get my phone back was because Denis invited me into his office.”
“You mean Father’s office,” I say in a hard voice.
