Page 31 of Atone in Darkness
From the way she was worrying her lower lip, he could tell she still had some serious doubts. At this rate, neither one of them was going to get any sleep. “Forget it, Doc. I’ll take the floor. You go on to bed. I’ll bank the fire and take one last look around outside before I turn in.”
When he started for the woodstove, she caught his arm. “I’m sorry, Chase. It’s not that I don’t trust you.”
Yeah, right.
“Don’t sweat it, Doc. It’s not like we really know anything about each other.”
He offered her a bitter smile. “Well, that’s not true, is it? I know you’d work for anybody and turn a blind eye to anything as long as they paid you enough. That’s how you ended being my keeper in the first place.”
The stove could wait. He had to get away from her. This time he didn’t stop when she calledhis name even though the flash of hurt he’d seen in her eyes almost had him turning back to apologize. For sure he regretted once again calling her his keeper when he knew she hated that he thought of her that way. The truth was, he didn’t, not in the way he used to. Somewhere along the way, it had almost become a term of affection in his mind.
How messed up was that? Still, he wouldn’t callher that to her face again, at least not in anger.
He walked right out the front door and vowed not to come back inside until he was sure she’d given up and turnedin. After circling the house three times, he retreated to the edge of the woods to soak in the night. He could hear the rustle of small critters in the underbrush and the soft sweep of an owl’s wings as it soared through the treeshunting for its dinner.
All normal. All safe.
It was so damn tempting to relax his guard, but he couldn’t do that. Not yet. An enemy that determined wouldn’t give up easily. They’d keep hunting until they either bagged him or buried him, and he figured they didn’t care much which way it played out. He planned on putting up one helluva fight before he’d let them win. The trouble was, whetherhe liked it or not, he had a civilian to protect.
He stared at the darkened bedroom window and thought about the woman who was tucked into that old-fashioned bed. He shouldn’t have snapped at her like that. Even if part of what he’d said was true, it bothered him to have hurt her that way. His sister would’ve kicked his ass for treating any woman with such callous disregard.
The problem wasthat the good doctor wasn’t just any woman. She’d been his keeper, the person who patched him back together time after time when the guards had entertained themselves beating the crap out of him. She wasn’t much younger than he was, but he suspected the gap between his life experience and hers was enormous. Even now, after everything that had happened, there was an unmistakable innocence about her.
Even when they’d damn near set the woods on fire with that kiss, he’d been aware that her reaction had been enthusiastic but a bit awkward. Like she knew what to do buthadn’t had much practice. If she ever asked for a volunteer to help with that problem, he’d shove his way to the front of the line.
But not tonight.
That was disappointing, but it was what it was. Even if she wanted to reallyheat up that double bed with him, he’d have to find the strength to decline. Right now, she was clearly out of her element and scared. He didn’t want her underneath him just to drive away the fear. He just wanted her. He could imagine the way her dark chocolate eyes would melt as he took her, how perfectly her soft curves would fit against his hard planes when he claimed possession of her body anddrove them both over the edge.
And this was the definition of madness. Why was he making himself crazy imagining something he couldn’t have? It was past time to go back inside and stretch out on the floor. Just for grins, he did one more lap around the house before heading for the front door. He toed off his shoes on the porch, hoping to cut down on the noise. Inside, he considered his options.If he was going to sleep on the floor, stretching out in the kitchen made more sense than sleeping on the bedroom floor. Even with the coals banked for the night, the stove would still give off some heat.
He stopped in the bathroom, moving as quietly as he could. The last thing he wanted to do was wake her up and risk starting another conversation about the sleeping arrangements. After settinghis rifle down on the kitchen floor, he grabbed a small throw pillow off one of the chairs and then stretched out near the stove, lying on his back and using his jacket to cover his feet and legs.
Not comfortable. The pillow was too thick and bent his neck at the wrong angle. Rolling to his side, he shoved the pillow away and rested his head on his bent arm. Better, but still not good. Finally,he decided the real problem was that he couldn’t shut his brain off. Scenes from the past weeks kept playing out in his mind in full color with all the pain, blood, and fear.
None of that was conducive to sleeping, so he forced his thoughts in a better direction. Where were his friends? Had his e-mail gotten through? If so, Jarvis and the others would move heaven and earth to find him. He picturedeach of his friends in his mind and thought about better times.
Yeah, there was a lot about his life that hadn’t been easy. His father had disappeared without warning before Chase had been born, leaving his mother distraught and pregnant. She’d died while he was still a kid, and Chase’s older sister had put her own life on hold to take care of him. He’d been almost eighteen before they’d crossedpaths with his future brother-in-law, Jarvis Donahue. As it turned out, Jarvis had known Chase’s father, a Paladin who had died in the line of duty. With his help, Chase had found his place fighting alongside some of the finest warriors in the world.
He wanted that life back, and he wanted the bastards who’d done their best to steal it from him to suffer for their crimes.
The bedroom door creaked.What was Marisol up to now? He concentrated on breathing slowly and evenly as if he were asleep. With luck, she was making a late-night pit stop in the bathroom and would go right back to bed. He wasn’t in the mood for conversation even if he was still awake.
No such luck. She was headed in his direction, feeling her way through the shadowed room.
“Chase?”
“Yeah.”
“I didn’t hear you come backin.”
The relief in her voice made it clear that it had scared her to think she’d woken up alone. Had she really thought he’d deserted her and taken off by himself again? He wasn’t sure he wanted to know she might think that poorly of him, especially after he’d promised her at the waterfall he wouldn’t do that again.
“I didn’t want to wake you up, so I tried to be extra quiet.”
She crept closerin the darkened room, muttering under her breath when she stubbed her toe on the leg of an end table. “How come you’re out here? I thought you were going to sleep on the bedroom floor.”
“I thought it might be warmer near the stove.”
