Page 104 of Love Medley
“She created Connections.”
My mouth drops open. “NO. WAY.” I’m completely floored. I mean, hanging out with her for a single night I already knew she was remarkable, but this still blows me away. “That… that app is like the biggest dating app ever!”
“Pretty much. But you can’t tell anyone. She sold it anonymously in high school and made enough for the seed money for TechMedCo."
“Geez. She’s attractive too,” I say, trying to sound flippant, but jealousy is swirling in my gut.
But Jake smirks knowingly. “You have nothing to worry about. Men are not her jam."
“Ohhhh." I breathe a sigh of relief.
“But even if they were,” Jake frowns down at me, “It wouldn’t matter. I only have eyes for one woman. You never need to worry about that.”
Gazing into his serious gray eyes, I want to believe Jake. I want to trust that this relationship is the right thing after all, even though I made such a huge misstep with Weston. And now for the question I really want to ask. “Why…why do you think you and Sam didn’t work out?”
Jake says nothing for a moment.
Heart in my throat, I feel like I’m Pandora who has just opened up the box of evils. Do I want to know more about their past? I’ve been filled with jealousy whenever I think of Jake with another woman, especially Sam.
But it’s too late now—I asked the question.
“I think…we just didn’t have anything in common,” Jake says, a weary look appearing in his eyes. “Luke kind of told me that recently, and I’m realizing he’s right. Sam and I don’t have any of the same interests and lived pretty parallel lives even when we were dating. And there were some key things about my life that I’m not sure she’d ever understand.”
“Like your family?”
Jake’s body stiffens, and I hate that the mention of his family affects him so much. “Yeah. She just didn’t get the fact that relationships are a two-way street. As you mentioned in the past, I’m pretty sure my dad sees me as an extension of himself, and my not doing what he wants, not having the same dreams and desires that he does, is unacceptable. It took a while for me to come to terms with this, but I realized I couldn’t sacrifice my identity and everything I wanted just to keep the peace. But if Sam were in my situation, I’m pretty sure that she would have just done whatever she could to mollify her parents. That was kind of the death knell of our relationship.”
The blood freezes in my veins.
Oh my God. That’s me.
I’ve been doing what Sam would’ve done.
And that’s when Jake realized she wasn’t enough.
My entire life, I’ve chosen my parents’ wishes and desires over everyone else’s, including my own. I don’t see that changing in the near future. After all, I’m the reason Peter is the way he is. Without me, he would be a normal guy. This is why I shouldn’t make my own decisions—I just make reckless ones that ruin lives.
A long time ago, I made a promise to myself to not worry my parents, but I’m pretty sure they’ll stress out when they find out about Jake. I know he’s not the type of man they consider appropriate for me. While I’ve been gaining confidence over the past few weeks, I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready to go against my parents’ wishes. I’m not as brave as Jake is.
But it's not just that. Jake doesn't want someone like that either—someone who caves at every turn. Even if my parents somehow approved of him, how long would it be before he realized I was just like Sam? Someone who always picked someone else over him?
He deserves to be chosen every time.
A pit in my stomach gapes open as I realize my greatest fears may be coming to pass—that our relationship is destined to fail. Even though Jake makes me incredibly happy, I have to be realistic. But his name has been tattooed on my heart, and I fear that if I lose him I’ll lose a part of myself.
Pushing these horrible thoughts away, I just bury my face into Jake’s embrace and inhale deeply, wanting to absorb his very essence.
Maybe I can just ignore the stab of fear threatening to overwhelm me for a little while longer.
The next day, after Jake leaves for work, I stumble around my apartment attempting to do chores, but nothing eases the squeezing pressure in my chest. I decide to take a walk to clear my head.
The sun on my face feels good, but still doesn’t warm the chill that is deep in my bones. I just can’t see a way around this problem. I want to believe so badly that Jake and I are meant to be, no matter the obstacles in our way.
But sometimes love isn’t enough.
And Iamin love with Jake. The truth of this fills me, but instead of joy, I feel a deep, crushing sorrow. Why do I keep doing this to myself? While Weston was a horrific choice for a life partner, Jake is the best one…but one I can't make for myself.
How can I choose him when I’m so damned afraid? I’ve been making more decisions lately, sure—but picking a dress isn’t the same thing as shattering the mold I’ve spent my whole life perfecting. I can’t break my parents’ hearts again.
