Page 101 of Love Medley
At the end of the song, there’s a large round of applause, bigger than any of the previous numbers. I’m startled out of my musical cocoon with Jake—who has a self-satisfied and content smile on his face, the direct contrast of my warring feelings.
It’s only then that I realize that I completely forgot about the audience once we started the duet.
And then I think…maybe Jake was listening after all.
As we take a bow, I whisper to him, “You… wanted to show me that I could sing in front of a crowd.”
“Not just that, but do it well,” Jake says, pointing to the cheering audience. “They loved you, and rightly so. You have a beautiful voice.”
I tingle from head to toe at his praise. Jake did more than listen. He heard what I was saying between the lines.
How could I ever let go of this man?
But no matter how I feel, it doesn’t solve the problem of my parents. What if I could show them how good Jake is for me? How he supports me and encourages me to become the best version of myself?
Panic floods me at the thought of losing him.
Jake knows me better than I know myself. He sees me.
I can’t possibly give that up.
But why does it feel like I’m grasping at a dream that will just float away?
Chapter thirty-three
Lucy
The next couple days without Jake are torture on so many levels. Without him there, my mind whirls and spirals. The night at karaoke was bittersweet. Not only did it show me that Jake understood me better than anyone has before, but also it proved just how much he deserves more.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking that Sam wasn’t good enough for him, but am I any better?
Jake’s always gone after what he’s wanted—choosing to become a nurse against the wishes of his family, enduring slightsfrom his father and brother. But even with all that toxic energy, he’s never lost sight of who he is. In fact, he’s risen to the occasion, every single time.
Showing up. Reaching out. Being vulnerable. Supporting me no matter what.
And here I am. The moment my mom calls, I move backwards and withdraw from him. Invent flaws he doesn't have just to make our inevitable demise easier to swallow. Because if there's something wrong with Jake, then I won't have to focus on my own failings—like the way I let other people set the limits of my life.
Scared to move forward, frightened to step out of line, restricted to my passive motion.
Don’t get me wrong—I’ve made progress. But how much is that really me?
How much of that was just Jake encouraging me?
Oh my God. I can't believe that I'm now using hisstrengthsto explain why things won't work out between us. What iswrongwith me? I'm just in denial about the fact that I'm not going to go against my parents. And that's on me. Not him.
Even though I want to chase after what I want, I know I won't. I can't.
I think Jake and I have always been living on borrowed time.
Still, the thought of losing him wracks my body, a physical ache that burrows deep.
Before I can stop myself, I’m texting him. My mind’s shouting at me, saying I'm just making this harder, but my heart's already decided.
Me: Why don’t you come over for dinner tonight? I’ll cook.
Jake: You’ve been feeding me way too much. Why don’t I cook for you?
Me: I don’t want you to go to a lot of trouble.
