Page 35 of All The Way Under
Kiss her. Make her mine. Be a man and do what’s right.
I default to my usual misanthrope. “When’s the last time you brushed your teeth?”
Saylor jerks back, pulling her arms away.
“That was insanely rude!” She aims a finger at my chest. It’s small and pointy. “You feel this. Whatever this is between us. It’s not because we’re trapped here together. It’s not even because you have a perfect freaking physique. It’s more than that. It’s deeper. We have chemistry.”
She says the last three words slowly, an eternity passing between each one. It feels looming, like a threat promised that I won’t be able to stop.
It’s like a weight pressing down on my chest. A foreign twist of a knife as the truths spill from her fucking delectable mouth. I release my breath, trying to hold it together.
“Saylor, stop. This can’t happen. Chemistry or not, it doesn’t make sense to complicate this.”
From the light of the lantern, I can tell she’s furious.
“Use,” I say, pausing for effect. “That energy to figure out projects and ways we can do things to keep us out of this cage.”
Saylor lifts her chin and scoots away from me as far as she can.
“You’re right. Absolutely right. I’ve lost my mind. Obviously, I’ve lost it completely for thinking someone like you would want someone like me.” She clears her throat and sighs long and hard. “You’re right.”
I feel like an absolute prick. Don’t I always feel like a prick when I say mean things? This time I care, and it’s confusing.
“I do want you,” I say, tone low. “More than I should, and more than I’ve wanted anyone else before. This isn’t an ideal situation for wanting anything except getting out of here alive.”
Shifting, she looks at me dead in the eyes again. A soul-searing look.
“What happened to you? Why are you the way you are?” She shakes her head. “It’s not just because you’re stuck here.Something happened to you. Was it the death of your friend? The one you were going to spread the ashes of?”
My breath catches, and I cough quietly. How does she see through me when I’ve been able to hide my past for so long?
My past is charred with a tragic incident that didn’t change me, per se, but it did solidify less-than-desirable traits that weren’t set yet. I don’t think about it. I don’t talk about. Friends and family don’t mention it. I’m not even comfortable with lines of questioning that dredge up memories. Like this. Right now.
She’s targeted the pain point with incredible ease. It doesn’t have to do with my fake dead friend. It does have to do with death and the interminable distrust that sprang from it.
“I hate to disappoint you, but I was born this way.” It’s not a full lie.
“I don’t believe it,” Saylor says, shaking her head. “I don’t believe it for one second. You are holding onto someone or something that was done to you for dear life. Life is short. You think there’s time, and I’m here to tell you there’s not. You just try to find simple pleasures in life, like sailing is for me, around all the other crap in life. I have been forced into a box my entire life, and I was angry.” She pauses. “Maybe not as angry and mean as you are, but I know trauma when I see it. I’m surrounded by people trying to mask as people they’re not. Lie to me all you want, Brody, but you can’t hide from the truth forever. Mean people are always mean for a reason, and they’re mean until they realize it’s not worth it anymore.”
The pit in my stomach turns to dread. How long will I be able to keep this charade up?
“Go to sleep. We have a busy day tomorrow,” I reply, lying down, folding my arms behind my head.
I know damn well I’m not going to sleep tonight. I’m going to think about the words she just said and compare them to the words Nolan always says when he’s trying to reason with me.The sentiment is the same. I can’t even bring myself to respond to her statement.
Saylor zips up the sweatshirt and rolls away from me.
“You’re going to be giving me a full-throated apology. Mark my words.”
I readjust the hard-on that, by some witchcraft, is still there, and nod to myself. For the first time in my entire life, I may consider being less of an asshole. Not because the pleading from my brother, whom I love dearly, has finally resonated with me. No, because this woman, whom I’ve just met, has spoken to the hollow place inside me.
Maybe it is time to face my past and forgive myself for my mistakes. Maybe it’s time to move on.
I glance over at her when her breathing evens out. She sleeps so quickly and soundly. She sleeps like a human who knows exactly who she is and what she stands for. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll allow myself to give in to her while we’re both trapped. I could learn something about myself and give her what she obviously so desperately wants.
Nothing is easy in life, though. I’m not naïve. Like the SEAL creed goes,the only easy day was yesterday.
CHAPTER NINE
