Page 6 of All The Way Under
“Anyway…” I hiss, the end of the word. “How was the weekend at the lake?”
He exhales noisily, annoyed by my irreverence. “It was fun. You should have gone with us. Liddy brought his jet skis, and Sam towed in his boat, so we wakeboarded and buzzed around the lake. I don’t know why you’ve only gone once. I bought the house so we can enjoy it together.”
All our friends from high school seem like a distant memory. I have a hard time connecting with my past life. After becoming a Navy SEAL, a detachment formed from most of the things I used to care about. I guess that happens when you understand real problems exist outside of yourself. That, and living in life-and-death situations on a regular basis, forces a perspective not many people can understand. I’d have to fake too much with them, and I suck at faking anything.
Swallowing, I speak. “You know I don’t have anything in common with them. I didn’t before, and I certainly don’t now. Nothing against Liddy and Sam. I know they’re great friends, but it’s just…it feels like…work socializing with them.”
I take a mouthful and chew with puffed-out cheeks.
“I’ll go with just you if that opportunity ever arises,” I add.
Nolan chews, eyeing me thoughtfully.
“You act like wakeboarding requires so much socializing. You know you’re going to have to wear a figurative mask and try to be normal if you’re going to have friends outside of the SEAL Teams…or get a girlfriend. You aren’t getting any younger, McBrode,” he says, eating his burger gingerly.
I scowl. “A girlfriend? Toss me to the kraken and call me dead. The last thing I need is someone telling me what to do orhow to live my life. I like my routine and my work. The friends I have are just fine.”
He flashes a half grin, but it falls quickly.
“Your biceps aren’t keeping you warm at night, and the friends you have are just like you, so it doesn’t feel like work. Doesn’t that get boring? We’re turning thirty next year. Isn’t there something outside of work you want to accomplish? Don’t you want your life to be well-rounded?”
“Well, your multimeter isn’t keeping you warm at night, either,” I clap back, cramming more into my mouth. “You need to practice what you preach.”
He looks down, then away. A tell. He’s lying or keeping something from me.
“Wait a damned minute. Do you have a girlfriend you haven’t told me about?”
Nolan takes another bite instead of replying. Then another, his gaze on his plate. He drinks a sip of water, and by the time he finishes, my heart is pounding, and I don’t know why.
“Nolan,” I chide. “Tell me.”
“This was supposed to be your goodbye lunch. I don’t want to talk about myself. I wanted to try to crack your shell again, so you know you’re loved and cared about, even if you’d rather live in a one-room shack up in the mountains and never talk to anyone ever again.”
I ignore his emotional sentiment.
“About your new girlfriend?”
“She was at the lake house this weekend, Brody. You don’t do life normally these days, so I saw no sense in mentioning her until I’m sure if it’s going to work out.” He pauses and stares into my soul. “You don’t give a shit about minor details these days.”
My heart pounds a bit more.
“Of course I care about you. Tell me about her.”
He’s right about details, though. Most of them aren’t a value add, so I let them bounce off me.
It was always only a matter of time before Nolan McCoy found the right woman. I’m shocked he hasn’t already, honestly. He focused on building his empire. This would be the next logical step, even if it scares the shit out of me. I don’t tell him, of course, because I can’t, but I’m afraid to lose him to whoever he marries. She’s going to hate me. She won’t want me around. I’ll be too brash and dangerous to be around his kids. It’s a legitimate fear of mine, and these days I don’t have many of those. I may not want a lot of things, but I want my brother in my life.
He clenches his jaw, working it back and forth.
“She’s a nice woman. She’s an RN at a pediatrician’s office in Sag Harbor, right by the main McCoy’s Power Pro office. Her name is Catherine. She has her shit together and doesn’t have any baggage that she’s shown yet.” He exhales after taking another sip. “She has no kids, and she’s never been married. It’s been six months, so even if I’m not one hundred percent yet, I’m confident she’ll be around for a while.”
Six months. My stomach sinks. He’s kept this from me for half a year because he didn’t think I’d care.
“I can’t believe I haven’t met her yet,” I say, homing in on something normal instead of the disconnected heartbreak I feel.
Has he seemed different these past months? Am I a bad brother? It’s one of the things I thought I was okay at. I haven’t had a girlfriend for a long time, when I was innocent and didn’t have to pretend.
“I want to meet her.”
