Page 137 of Katabasis
“They’re gone, then?” Elspeth asked urgently. “You saw them dissolve?”
“All three, one by one.” Alice thought of Theophrastus, still and obedient in Magnolia’s arms. “It’s finished.”
“But why didn’t the water affect you?”
Alice rolled up her sleeve. Her arm had turned a red and mottled mess, the site of a still-active chemical reaction. The white lines were blurred, bubbling and frothing at their edges where oblivion battled against permanence. Even Professor Grimes’s magick could not withstand the Lethe—the lines were fading, the water was winning.
Elspeth traced her finger over Alice’s arm, lips moving silently as she read. “Grimes did this to you?”
This time Alice did not contest the transitive. “Mm.”
“You let him?”
“He said it would make me a better magician.”
“Did it?”
“I’m sure he thought it would,” said Alice, because it seemed like the only honest answer. “I’m sure he hoped it would.”
She braced herself as she said this, but Elspeth only nodded. There was no anger on her face. She held on to Alice’s arm, cool fingers stroking against the wet skin. They were both silent, watching as the colors swirled on Alice’s arm, as white chalk and black water mixed and fought, until the white lines shimmered pale, and at last faded away.
“So are you...” Elspeth pointed to Alice’s temples. “You’re all right in the head, still? You know where you are?”
“I think so, yes.”
“You’ve still got it all?”
Alice prodded her memory. She knew enough that she was not confused about where she was or how she had gotten here, but beyond that, she really couldn’t say. There were patches that she had, and patches she knew were gone, and even more patches whose loss she didn’t know to register at all. For a moment she found this prospect terrifying—that memory was not a well-kept library, but rather a moth-eaten basement with dim, flickering lights—but remembered then that this was just how everyone lived all the time; how she herself had lived most of her life. You groped around in the dark. You settled for stories, not recordings. You made do with the bits you had and tried your best to fill in the rest.
“Not all,” she said. “But I’ve got enough.”
Elspeth cooked for her that night.She seemed very excited about the occasion; she spent nearly an hour clamoring around the little stove, digging up spice bottles and making exclamations like “The rats werefatthis week, justcracklingon the stove.” After an hour of effort she served up a stew of salt, congealed blood, and some thick, stringy meat that hurt Alice’s mouth to chew. Alice wolfed it all down, swallowing stew in hot, satisfying gulps, then gnawed at the bones until her gums bled.
“Taste good?” asked Elspeth.
“Incredible,” Alice gasped.
Elspeth waited, beaming, as Alice drained the bowl and licked at its insides. Then she scooted closer so that they sat face-to-face, inches away. “I feel an apology is in order.”
Alice put down her bowl. “I’m so sorry—”
“I feel rotten about what happened,” said Elspeth. “I shouldn’t have left you two on that shore.”
“We betrayed you.” Stew trickled down the side of Alice’s mouth. She wiped her chin against her shoulder. “I’d be angry, too.”
“I just couldn’t understand it,” said Elspeth. “Why you’d ever want to go back to him.”
“Right.”
“He is simply monstrous.” Elspeth’s hand moved up and down in a staccato, as if she were lecturing to an undergraduate. Basic principles. “You must know this. He leeches the life from you. So when you said the name Grimes—I don’t know, something just came over me, and then I couldn’t think straight—”
“Please don’t apologize,” said Alice. “It’s my fault. You took us in, you sheltered us, and we...” She swallowed. “I can’t justify it. We knew what we wanted and how to get it and everything else was—I don’t know, just collateral. I wasn’t thinking about you at all. All I could think was,What would he do?How I could make him proud.”
“Well.” Elspeth sniffed. “He has that effect.”
They sat a moment in silence. Once again they regarded one another, two bruised girls with too much in common. But this time there was no measuring up, no guesswork, only a tired recognition. I know how you got here. I know what it took.
“It’s all so stupid.” Alice rubbed her palm against her temple. “I just can’t figure out why—I mean, he haseverything, you know? And I don’t know what he needs, or if he’s hurting—”
