Page 113 of Wish You Were Her
He was vibrating with rage. The entitlement that people felt over her! He wanted to fight every last one of them.
“Thank you,” she told him, sounding surprised.
“Don’t mention it.”
“No one’s ever done that before. I usually have to wriggle free myself.”
“Allegra,” the man who had snatched at her yelled, still trying desperately to seize her. “You don’t respond to me, how am I supposed to get in touch with you now?”
“You don’t!” Jonah replied, glowering down at the shorter man.
“She knows who I am,” the man whined. “She knows I need to talk to her every day.”
“Enough of this. You ready?” Jonah asked Allegra.
She nodded, taking his hand once more. They left the carpet for the movie house, leaving shrieks and shouts in their wake.
“Did you know him?” Jonah asked as they gave their names at the door.
“No,” Allegra said, shrugging. “But lots of people think you’re communicating directly to them. It can make things a bit parasocial.”
“Disgusting.”
“No,” she said firmly. “Some people are just lonely.”
The din of the crowd could still be heard as they milled about the foyer of the cinema. Allegra air-kissed some producers and introduced Jonah to the slightly scatter-brained director. Natalie, Jasper and Grace waved as they made their way to the upper circle of the cinema auditorium.
“They’re upstairs, but we’re down in the stalls,” Allegra told him.
Jonah dazedly followed Allegra to their seat near the front.
“I like to come in early while it’s still quiet,” Allegra said. She smiled earnestly at him, as they sat in two large recliningchairs in front of the biggest cinema screen he had ever seen. “What did you want to tell me?”
“Oh, yes. That reminds me. Need to send an email really quickly.”
He fished out his phone and went straight to his inbox. He opened up his drafts and pressed “send.”
“Your pen-pal?” Allegra asked, something strange crossing her face.
“Yes. Saying goodbye.”
“Goodbye? What do you mean, goodbye?”
“She’s the best. She’s great. But she’s not real. She’s not here. She’s words on a page and while the words have changed my life, I can’t waste time on an imaginary friend. One that I’ve built up in my head, from some perfect words. I need the whole human. Not just the great, edited parts. I wrote this letter after the pictures were published. I never sent it. I’m sending it now. Because I’m where I need to be.”
Allegra’s eyes shone. “You don’t… wish she was here instead?”
“No. But you’re right, I did have something to tell you.”
“Okay?”
Jonah took in her face. A face so perfect to him, without lights and retouches. The exterior of a soul more beautiful to him than any other he had known, even more so than the friend in his inbox. “Nothing big. Just that I love you.”
Her eyes widened and her mouth formed a perfect “O.”
“You don’t need to say anything back,” he told her, meaning it. “But I love you. Like how Pip loved Estella. My whole life, I was told I couldn’t have the things I read about in books, the things I saw neurotypicals having. They said I wouldn’t be anything. Education, speech, friendship. All of it wasn’t what they saw for me. But I did it anyway. I’m done listeningto them. Whoever ‘they’ even are. I love you and I always will.” He said it all so matter-of-factly but it was because he wasn’t afraid anymore. Love wasn’t supposed to be selfish. “People get embarrassed after they fall—that’s why I was such an arse. It’s no excuse. But I fell a while ago and I’ve not been able to get over it. I love you. And it’s been you. All along.” He loved her, no matter what the next scene held. It was a fact, not a conditional offering.
“Allegra!”
