Page 22 of Let the Game Begin
It seemed that I could hear Neil’s voice—that low, deep baritone, the one that raised goosebumps on my arms. I turned around to look for him but saw no one except for anonymous bodies and fluttering hair.
Am I hallucinating?
I shook my head and started walking again, disoriented by the overly loud music, but then someone grabbed my wrist. Before I could react, I met Neil’s golden eyes, bright as any beacon. The feeling of arousal was so strong in my chest that it sent a jolt through me, though I couldn’t explain why I was so incredibly attracted to a guy I’d known for such a short amount of time.
His body dominated even that large space. Though we were surrounded by other people, my eyes were glued to him because Neil had this shine to him, making everything else pale in comparison.
“Oh hey, it’s you,” I teased him but I didn’t object when he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled our bodies together. He gave off a heady smell of amber and tobacco, a combination that seemed to burn up my brain and paralyze my reason.
“If I were you, I wouldn’t wander alone around a party like this, it could be dangerous.” He flashed a small smile that I could reasonably classify as sincere, and I was shocked that he’d care. Neil wasn’t the kind of guy who paid attention to that kind of thing.
He took a step toward me and I realized how close we’d gotten. I feared I might drown in his eyes, and I felt shivers pass from my skin all the way to my heart.
“Doesn’t that seem like a bit of an exaggeration? What other things do you consider’ ‘dangerous,’ Mr. MLK?” I bit my lip to keep from laughing aloud, and he must have noticed because he arched an eyebrow at me.
“Love,” he said so decisively that it extinguished my smile. How was love dangerous?
“You’re afraid of love?” I asked incredulously, and it occurred to me that we had somehow become enclosed in this little bubble where the attraction crackled between us and neither of us seemed to care who else was around.
“No, I’m afraid of the dependence that love creates.” His stare fell to my lips, and I flushed. The way he stared intimidated me, but at the same time, I felt the urge to know him fully.
“And how do you protect yourself from that kind of dependence?” I asked him.
Instead of answering me promptly, however, Neil abruptly spun me around, forcing my back against his chest. My breath caught, and I could feel the pounding of my heart. These were completely new sensations for me, and they terrified me.
My body felt like it had been designed to mold to his. My brain was wiped clean of my previous life, wiped clean of Jared and the guilty feelings that struggled to rise back out of the depths of my consciousness. I tilted my face back slightly to meet his burning gaze.
“Simple. I don’t love,” he answered firmly.
Immediately thereafter, his lips settled on my neck, branding it with a delicate kiss. His hands wandered from my sides to my thighs. My head was spinning, and I felt breathless.
“You should learn to protect yourself, too, Tigress,” he murmured into my ear. I closed my eyes; my legs felt weak, and I feared I would collapse at any moment. I was about to put my full weight against Neil, but suddenly, there was nothing but empty space behind me and a cold feeling along my spine. I turned and saw that he had vanished, like a magic trick.
I touched the curve of my neck as though emerging from a dream before I shook off the feeling and started searching for him. It was stupid of me to run after him. I basically still had a boyfriend, after all; I shouldn’t have been trying to get closer to any other guys. But my instinct fought my intellect on all fronts.
I searched for him like a madwoman, shoving aside anyone who got in my way. I stopped abruptly, though, when I spotted his messy hair and saw his hands clasped around another girl’s body. I recognized her immediately: it was Jennifer. The two of them were dancing close together. She whispered something into his ear, and he smiled, slowly feeling his way down her back, then to her hips, then her ass.
I stood motionless, staring at them. I should have expected it, but I wasstill shocked by the anguish that uncurled inside of me. It was completely irrational, especially considering that I barely knew Neil.
When he caught my gaze, Neil stopped smiling, but he didn’t stop touching her or push her away. But why would he have done that?
A while later, I found my friends and went up to the bar. While the others were busy ordering cocktails, I glanced around, bored as ever. I was looking for something more interesting than throwing back shots. Then, when I least expected it, among the crowd of people cheering for the band, I spotted a familiar mop of unruly chestnut hair. Neil’s powerful, robust body was wrapped around Jennifer’s much smaller form. She danced sensually with him, grinding her backside into his crotch.
Every cell in my body was drawn to him; it was a force as incontrovertible as it was dark. It was frightening, the way I could always sense his presence. When my eyes eventually found his lips, they were pressed against Jennifer’s exposed neck. I met his ravenous gaze, and I felt it like a punch to the stomach. I jumped like I’d just been caught shoplifting by a police officer. But I didn’t stop staring and he didn’t stop dancing his attentions upon the blond girl’s body.
He kissed her, touched her delicately, squeezed her tightly, and I could see the hidden malice in every gesture. It was right there behind his eyes. He danced with her, but he looked at me, which only intensified the odd feeling in the pit of my stomach. Again, it occurred to me how unreasonable and out of control my reactions to him were.
Jennifer tilted her head to seek Neil’s lips. And he did not deny her—far from it. He kissed her fervidly, giving me a sneak preview of what was going to happen shortly thereafter, possibly in an empty bedroom. And all at once, I realized exactly who he was like: my father.
It was as though I was transported back in time, remembering an incident when I had caught Matt in the act. The image was still perfectly clear in my mind, despite the passing of the years since then. I had only been fifteen, and my father hadn’t been expecting me back home so soon. I’d spent the afternoon out with my high school bestie, Sadie, but a sudden storm had forced us to come back early. When I went upstairs to his office to ask him if we could watch a movie together, I was halted by the soundsof female moans. I wasn’t so naive that I didn’t understand what was happening behind that door, but I had sincerely hoped that it was my mother with him and not some stranger.
My breathing was labored as I approached the half-open door and peered inside only to see my father with his coworker, Leslie Hellen. I knew her pretty well; she had even gone out to lunch with us a few Sundays before. I was disgusted, particularly by the obscene way she begged for him to go harder and how Matt obliged her, grasping her hips aggressively.
The force of the unexpected memory had me staggering backward until I ran into one of the drink tables. I leaned a hand on it to avoid falling over.
“Selene, are you okay?” Julie touched my shoulder, giving me a particularly worried look.
“Let’s get a drink, Julie,” I suggested stupidly and proceeded to drink way more than a lightweight like myself should have been allowed. I couldn’t tell her how I felt at that moment, how all I wanted was an escape from reality. I brooded about the move, my alarming kiss with Neil, about Jared and all the sudden changes I had undergone. I considered how toxic this current situation had become and how I suddenly had the desire to take the completely wrong path at every turn. It was as though my body was now running my life, and my brain no longer got any input.
