Page 185 of Let the Game Begin
It was a legitimate question, though I knew that there were plenty of things in the world that couldn’t be so defined. But we had shared something important. He had given me his first, confessing that he’d never done that with anyone else.
Was I deluding myself, or was it possible that I mattered just a little bit to Neil?
He looked me up and down and then smiled his enigmatic smile, leaning down until he was only a hairsbreadth away from my ear.
“Everyone knows Prince Charming and the princess live happily ever after,” he said softly in his deep, mature voice. His chest grazed my nipples and I held my breath, helpless against the feelings his body triggered.
“But have you ever wondered what happens to the princess and the dark knight?”
39
Neil
I came inside her.
Goddamn it.
I—me—had done something so stupid after years of experience, after having done everything a man could do to a woman without ever screwing up like that.
But it hadn’t been just a meaningless gesture, or a careless mistake made in the throes of orgasm. I made a choice; it was premeditated. I wanted to make sure that Selene truly understood what it was like when a man was enjoying sex. More importantly, whenIwas enjoying sex.
And the truth was, I’d only really understood that when I entered her without any barrier between me and her velvet-soft skin. Until I exploded inside her body without worrying about controlling myself or stifling my urges. And I wanted to show her just how much I needed to have her, to have her body, her soul, everything that was hers. As I sank into her and put that exquisite pressure on the junction of our bodies, I felt safe with my Babygirl. I felt like I was where I was supposed to be in a way I never had with anyone else.
After the fucking and talking, Selene asked me to stay a little longer with her, but after I’d gotten what I wanted, I decided I absolutely needed to getdressed and go back to my room. I knew that I’d already done more than enough for one night, and the image of her face as she came was destined to haunt me, consuming my thoughts relentlessly.
“Selene is just a woman, just one woman, like so many others,” I repeated to myself as I thought about how much I’d enjoyed smelling myself on her skin and how much I’d like to be back inside her, in that place I most adored, the place that absolutely fucked my head though I’d thought myself immune to its power.
But I knew I couldn’t stay there. Selene could not be allowed to bond with me because there would be no happy ending for us.
The things that brought me pleasure were all immoral or filthy because I needed to soothe my spirit and feed my desires. My life, at the end of the day, was a pendulum that swung between cruelty and sorrow, boredom and disappointment, nightmares and reality.
It swung between me and Babygirl.
And so I took the path of least resistance, where a pack of Winstons and some hot blond were enough to keep me satisfied and relieve some of the suffering that weighed me down.
Selene was a fairy creature, a being that fell from heaven with the single goal of bringing me to the brink of madness, and it was my job to keep that from happening.
Even if I had shared things with her that I hadn’t shared with anyone else. Usually, I didn’t like to linger over details, on the smell and the touch of it all, but with Babygirl, it was the opposite. I loved to immerse myself in the curves of her body, kiss each line and angle, take refuge inside her and show her a world of sin. A world she didn’t even know existed, a world in which we smashed into each other, two contrasting forces of nature, constantly in conflict, but at the same time, so interconnected that one could not exist without the other.
I told myself that I wasn’t going to let her chain me down to her. Because Selene was forbidden fruit. A surreal illusion. A creature of mystery. A crystalline body that contained within it a soul so pure that someone like me shouldn’t have been allowed remotely near it. And yet, I continued to kiss her, I continued to fuck her and do whatever else I wanted to her becauseI was selfish and twisted. And because her willowy little body kindled a burning desire in me that I could not contain.
The idea of her leaving for Detroit didn’t thrill me, even though I agreed it was the right decision. After all, we had a faceless psychopath on our backs, fully capable of hurting my family and already plotting something diabolical for his next target. Selene could be in just as much danger as my mother, Chloe, or Matt.
And I would never have forgiven myself.
***
The morning after our lustful interlude by the pool, I ignored Selene as she ate breakfast in the kitchen. She watched me the whole time with those crystalline eyes, waiting for me to look at her.
I managed to resist the urge to go to her and kiss her.
Fuck, honestly, it took all the strength I had not to walk over to her, lift her up on the table, and throw her legs open so I could lose myself in the heat of her. In her purity, in her sweet taste, or the depth of her eyes…
Her body, the way she moved, the way she looked at me, the vastness of her heart, the integrity of her soul…everything about her stunned me. Even when she was wearing all her clothes or yelling at me or giving me her disappointed look.
She was the most beautiful of angels, and I was always going to be a monster. And that was why we were impossible together.
I took a closer look at her: she looked tired but satisfied, the familiar expression of a woman who had thoroughly enjoyed herself and would love to get another taste of my body. It was the effect that I had on everyone.
