Page 128 of Let the Game Begin
The situation with Neil had taken a new turn, possibly an even worse one than before, but I couldn’t keep Jared hanging on when I didn’t have feelings for him anymore. He had a right to know the truth, and he was going to learn it tonight.
I wanted to wear something comfortable but stylish, so I opted for a white button-down, a blue pullover, and a pair of jeans in the same color. I wore my hair down past my shoulders and put on a little mascara to highlight my eyelashes. Then, I slid on my shoes and packed my purse with all the typical essentials.
“Are you going out?” Two knocks on my half-open door drew my attention. Logan was standing there, looking curiously at me.
“Jared’s going to be here soon.” I gave him a smile and grabbed a puffy jacket from the closet.
“Oh, you two are finally meeting up,” he said, demonstrating an enthusiasm that I did not share. Logan, after all, could have no idea that my evening was sure to be a complete disaster. “You don’t seem very happy, though…” he added thoughtfully, and for a moment, I stopped pretending everything was okay. At least with him.
“I need to tell him something serious.” I sat down on the edge of the bed, and Logan frowned as he regarded me with those lovely catlike eyes of his.
“What could you have possibly done that was so serious?” he asked dismissively, taking a seat next to me.
“I’m not getting back together with him. Our pause is really a stop, and I’ve already moved on. I’ve already…done things with someone else.” I said it all in one breath, staring down at my legs instead of at him. A deafening silence fell over us. I didn’t have the courage to look up at the disgusted expression he probably had on his face. Who knows what he must have been thinking about me.
“You can say it: I’m a slut. I’m a terrible person; it’s all true…” But he just rested his hand on my shoulder and shook his head no.
“I’m not in any position to judge your choices,” he told me kindly. “Jared? Sure. And maybe the other guy. Speaking of…do you love him?” he added, sounding slightly awkward. I looked into his eyes, but I couldn’t give him an immediate response. Did I love Neil? Even I didn’t know. Mr. Disaster wasn’t like other men, and his outburst the day before had provided ample demonstration of that.
“I… I don’t know,” I murmured in a very quiet voice, fixing my eyes on a vague point out in the middle of the room.
“Well, whatever happens with the other man, one thing is for certain: you didn’t love Jared,” he pointed out. I thought the same thing, but it hardly excused my behavior.
“I screwed up,” I admitted.
“Selene, everybody makes mistakes,” he said, trying to console me, and I appreciated his approach to this. Logan always had a kind and soothing word for everyone; he was never insulting or reactive. He thought carefully before he spoke or acted.
“Everything’s going to be okay. You’ll have a heart-to-heart with him, and Jared will understand.” It was clear that he was trying to soothe away some of my worries. “And if anything happens, if you need me for any reason, don’t hesitate to call me.” And now he sounded a little worried. Probably because he knew that coming clean about something like this wasn’t a simple process. People tended to take this kind of news poorly.
I gave Logan a hug goodbye and promised him that I would call if I needed him. Then, I headed out and met Jared in his car. He’d told me when he’d be arriving in his text, so I walked down the main driveway trying to take deep breaths. My legs felt like jelly, and my heart wouldn’t stop pounding in my chest at an uncontrollable tempo.
“Hey.” I gave Jared a nervous smile as I slid into the passenger seat. He was put-together as always, wearing a light winter coat over his black shirt and pants. His blond hair was slicked back against the nape his neck with gel, and his jade-green eyes were fixed on me, examining me all over.
“Hey.” He moved closer and planted a kiss on the corner of my lips, still unsmiling.
“I’m glad to see you,” I babbled inanely as he started the car’s engine.“How… How’s your mother?” I decided to open with that familiar question, trying not to seem too nervous, though it was difficult to hide.
“Bad,” he answered simply, driving off on a route I did not know.
His hand was tense as he gripped the steering wheel, and he often clenched his jaw as though it were a new nervous tic.
“Is the chemo not working the way you’d hoped?” I asked. I actually did want to know how his mother was doing, but he gave me an unreadable smile. He ran his hand through his hair as we came to a stop in front of a park. I glanced around. It was dark outside, and only a few scattered lamps illuminated the road we’d stopped on for who knew what reason. I’d thought we were going to go out for dinner or a drink together, but apparently Jared didn’t want to do either of those things.
“Why are we stopped here?” I asked him, confused, but he just cut the engine and let his head fall back against the seat rest, staring vacantly through the windshield.
“I’ve been thinking about you a lot recently. More than usual…” he began, sounding more like he was talking to himself than to me. “I’ve been thinking about that first time I saw you there in the library, so focused on picking out one of your novels. I still remember exactly what you were wearing, did you know that?” He paused for a moment, and I considered all the possible reasons for this monologue, then I clutched my purse against my thighs.
“You had on this blue dress that matched the color of your eyes and you were…fuck, you were incredible. Just the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, and you were in some random library in Detroit.” He smiled and shook his head as if to mock himself.
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Before you, I only got with girls for the sex, but you know that already. I didn’t think I would ever have those kinds of devastating feelings for anyone in particular, until you came into my life, looking so innocent with your pure little face,” he continued, not answering my question. He seemed completely lost in his own memories, and all I could do was listen, psyching myself up to tell him everything. Right now.
“Jared…” I murmured but he hushed me.
“I felt so lucky to have met you. I thought you were the one. Maybe the love of my life.” I had not failed to notice that he was speaking in the past tense. He turned to face me, his bright eyes now gleaming with a pain that I had not expected. I felt as though I’d been skewered to my seat, unable to move. “I’ve always treated you with respect. I gave up dating and regular sex all to wait for you. For you to be ready.” He leaned in and touched my cheek. His touch was gentle, even delicate, and he looked at me like I was something precious that required careful handling. But his eyes…they were strange, different from before.
“I don’t understand,” I whispered, intimidated, and he bent his head to kiss me. The way he did it was completely unexpected: he seized my lips with his own and violently stabbed his tongue into my mouth, forcing me to accept him. I put my hands on his chest to push him away, but Jared fought me, using his body to exert terrible pressure on me.
