Page 4 of Desire and Discipline
Were his secret perversions changing her? He’d done his best to keep her from them, but he couldn’t help his dark desires.
When he’d moved his hands from the headboard, there had been a part of him that wanted her to immediately chide him, to punish him for his audacity, not to ride him to climax. But that wasn’t who Priscilla was. That was something she could never be.
True, when he visited the Society of Sin, the secret club for the kind of dark debauchery he craved, there were ladies oftonwho participated, but they were all older ladies, not recent debutantes. Ladies whose husbands neglected their needs.
And a few couples.
Very few. His brother and sister-in-law were among them, as were his cousin and her husband, though he tried very hard to avoid Evie and Anthony at those gatherings. And not just because he had no desire to see Evie in any state of undress.
Ever since his cousin and her friends had caught him at a gathering coming out of a room with Lady Cross, they’d been upset with him. Evie had even demanded he tell Priscilla. As if doing so wouldn’t hurt her horribly. Wives weren’t supposed to know about a husband’s activities on the side. They were protected from any such knowledge unless the husband was a total cad.
Discretion was the name of the game.
Besides, it wasn’t as though Lady Cross was actually his mistress. She had never even been his lover. When he’d begun courting Priscilla, he’d ended his previous arrangement with Mrs. White out of respect. But he’d had needs, so he’d taken up with Lady Cross, who was perfectly willing to fulfill his cravings without becoming his lover. Not once had their lips or hands touched each other, and he meant to keep it that way. Even though it meant foregoing some of the pleasures he’d enjoyed prior to his marriage… that was part of being married. He could not have everything.
For a while, he’d been terrified his cousin would tell Priscilla, the way she’d threatened, but she’d been distracted by numerous events—including catching a traitor and her own wedding—and it had never come to fruition. It probably did not hurt that Joseph had not attended a Society of Sin gathering since Evie had caught him.
But he was going to need to soon. He could feel it.
“That was lovely,” Priscilla sighed, bringing him back to the moment at hand.
“It was,” he agreed. Lovely and somehow disturbing. Perhaps only because it had brought disturbing fantasies within himself.
He could never ask Priscilla to treat him as Lady Cross did. Certainly not as Mrs. White had. Proper wives would do no such things, and Priscilla was always proper. Thinking of them while Priscilla lay atop him felt like a betrayal and he did his best to force his thoughts away, but this interlude with Priscilla had only increased his cravings.
The desires coursing through him had nothing to do with sex or love, but they were closely connected and becoming impossible to ignore. The urge to get away from Priscilla grew along with his guilt because it felt so wrong to be thinking of what he needed from Lady Cross while he was still with his wife.
He pressed a kiss to Priscilla’s forehead, moving so she rolled off him. Sighing happily, she snuggled up next to him, resting her head on his chest. It made his skin itch. Not because he didn’t want to be curled up with her, but because he couldn’t stop the guilt that welled up as he thought about the needs he couldn’t fulfill with her.
But he made himself stay put. That was his punishment, his cross to bear, and he did not want to hurt her by leaving her bed too soon. He remained there, stroking her hair, holding her against him until she drifted off to sleep.
Only then did he get up, collect his dressing gown, blow out the candles, and return to his own room. There was another Society of Sin event coming up. He would need to attend it. Then he would be able to satisfy his desires and return to Priscilla’s bed without the depraved fantasies, without the urges she could not fulfill, and be a proper husband to her again.
At least for a while.
3
Priscilla
“I believe Joseph is hiding something from me.” Sitting at tea with Josie and Evie, Priscilla found herself so frustrated with her husband, she stated the problem baldly rather than trying to hedge around it.
Her sister-in-law and cousin-in-law exchanged glances, Evie frowning as she set her teacup back in its saucer. They were like night and day to look at, both stunningly beautiful—Josie, with her bright blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes, had been dubbed a Diamond of the First Water upon her debut, and Evie’s dark hair and green eyes made her the perfect foil to Josie’s fair looks. Next to them made Priscilla feel as dull as dishwater, though they were always very complimentary toward her.
She knew she was pretty in the English rose type of way, but that was not the same as their flashy beauty. Sometimes, she could not help a bit of envy.
When neither of them said anything immediately, she continued.
“I have felt that he has been hiding something from me for a while, but it has gotten far worse lately.” She shook her head. “Whenever I try to bring up the subject, he tells me that I have nothing to worry about, but I cannot help it. Sometimes, I think he is not very happy with me as his wife.”
“Well, if he is unhappy with you as his wife, that is a personal failing on his part,” Evie said tartly. “You are perfect for him, and he should be falling to his knees thanking his lucky stars you tolerate him.”
Josie snorted. Despite her fragile beauty, she was often very unladylike. Priscilla had even seen her sneaking back into the house wearing breeches once, clearly having come home from a horse ride. Elijah had caught her and turned her up over his shoulder while she protested, then he’d strode off down the hall with her. Priscilla did not know what happened after that—though she could guess, since Josie sat with a cushion beneath her for the next day.
“What makes you think he is hiding something? Do you think he has a mistress?” Josie asked, picking up one of the biscuits from the tray in front of her.
“No, he would not have time for a mistress. He is in my bed almost every night, and he does not often go out on the nights when he is not. He is going to his club tonight with some friends, but I hardly think that’s cause for concern since it has been weeks since he’s done so.” Priscilla sighed. “I cannot think what he could be hiding, yet I know he is hiding something.”
“He’s going to his club tonight?” Josie asked, an odd note in her voice.
