Page 25 of Desire and Discipline
“That is not what I wanted to talk to you about. I wanted to talk to you about yourself and Priscilla and your relationship.” His father leveled him a stern look, and the dread that had mostly dissipated over the past day slammed into his chest.
Here it was. The reckoning he’d been waiting for. The disgust, the disillusionment, the scorn, and judgment he’d known was coming.
The Marquess cleared his throat, his gaze skating away as he stared at a point over Joseph’s shoulder.
“I think it’s time I shared with you the truth of mine and your mother’s relationship.”
Wait, what?
Joseph blinked, sure that he had misheard.
The silence hung between them, his father still not meeting his eyes.
“What?” he finally asked, still not sure he’d heard his father correctly.
The Marquess cleared his throat again, his gaze dropping to his desk.
“My relationship with your mother. Our… marital relationship.”
Oh, bloody hell.
Joseph did not want to hear this.
“I do not need to hear about that,” he replied immediately, horrified.
“No, you do. I will not go into detail, but suffice to say, your relationship with Priscilla is… similar.” His father finally met his eyes as the words came out in a rush, his gaze holding Joseph’s and keeping him from clapping his hands over his ears the way he wanted to.
It took a long moment for his father’s words to penetrate his horror and make sense.
When they did, it rapidly reordered his entire worldview.
Was his father—his confident, self-assured, in-control, respected father—saying he had been likeJosephin the marriage bed? That he had submitted to Joseph’s mother?
That he had been punished by her?
“Similar to mine and Priscilla’s?” he repeated. Even saying the words aloud felt unbelievable.
His father nodded in confirmation.
“Your mother liked to take turns with who took the lead. Sometimes she did, sometimes I did, but I only did it for her. My own preference was to follow hers.”
It did not matter that his father was couching his confession in euphemism, Joseph knew exactly what he meant. Appreciated the weight of the revelation. Relief flooded through him.
Because if his father could have been in such a relationship and still be the man he was today, that meant Joseph…
“There is nothing wrong with not wanting to take the lead,” his father said gently. “You and Evie were both right, and you were both wrong. She should not have interfered with your relationship, but you should not have chosen to put society’s expectations over your own relationship. It put Evie in a very hard position, just as it did you.”
A well of emotions pummeled at Joseph’s insides, making his eyes water, and he pressed his lips against the roiling relief, happiness, and apprehension. Because now he feared his father might disapprove of him for another reason entirely.
“I did not betray my marriage vows.” Not really. He might have toed the very line, but he had not gone over it.
“That is not my business. Even if you had, that is between you and Priscilla.” His father gave him a wry smile. “That is one of the ways in which you are right. What happens between you and your wife is none of our business… unless you make it ours.”
Joseph had a feeling his father would qualify meeting Lady Cross at an event hosted by one of Priscilla’s friends, where his cousin, brother, and friends were members, to be making it their business. Equally, shouting about it when he was standing partly in the hallway, so everyone could hear him.
At least he knew the servants of their household were discreet. His father knew the value of a good gossipy servant and also the value of keeping those within his own home very happy.
“The important thing is to know that your preferences for marital activities have nothing to do with what kind of man you are. They are not the measure of your worth. What matters is how you treat others, that you strive to make the world better, and help those in need.” His father raised his eyebrow. That last line had been oft repeated throughout Joseph’s life. Those were the tenants his father upheld. He had certainly never said anything about being the dominant force in marital relations or anything like that.
