Page 84 of Fun Together
I fight the urge to laugh because she’s worried about whether I came or not. She escapes to the kitchen. I can’t let her feel embarrassed about this, but I also don’t want to make it completely obvious that I enjoyed that way too much, when she’s clearly distressed.
“Wait, talk to me.”
“I don’t think I can form words right now. I mean I’ve never even—” She stops talking abruptly.
“Never even what?”
She hesitates, like she truly doesn’t want to finish the sentence. After what feels like eternal silence, she says, “I’ve never had an orgasm with anyone else before.” She grabs a glass from the cabinet and fills it with water. She faces away from me and chugs the entire glass. I think I hear her mutter, “Can’t believe I just told him that.”
I have no idea what to say. I’m doing the math in my head on how that could be possible. Did Andrew never . . .? Did no one before Andrew ever . . . ?
She continues, talking faster and with more words than I think I’ve ever heard her use at one time. “I mean, I’ve had orgasms before. Obviously. But, like, with myself. I’ve only ever been with Andrew and one other guy, and it just never happened with them. It’s like a . . . mental block I’ve always had.” She pauses and briefly looks me in the eye. “I don’t even want to know what you’re thinking right now. I’m sorry.”
Sorry? For letting me take part in one of the most erotic experiences of my life?
“See? I’ve broken you,” she says. “Normally you’d make a joke, or at the very least saysomethingencouraging.”
“I’m just processing,” I say.“Do you want to talk more about it?”
I’m scrambling for what to say. Did I somehow cure this block she’s had? Look, I’m not immune to the little ego boost that comes with making a woman come. But usually that ego boost is accompanied by a smiling, satisfied woman. Not one who looks like she’s wants to run away.
And honestly, I didn’t really do much tonight, other than talk her through it. Maybe that’s what works for her. Maybe we can figure that out together.
She shakes her head vehemently. “Let’s just forget this ever happened, okay?”
Like I could forget. I’ll probably think about this for the rest of my life. I walk over to her. “If that’s what you want.”
“I think that’s best, don’t you? I don’t want things to be weird between us now.”
I run my hands down my face. “Things don’t have to be weird. I want to do whatever makes you comfortable.”
“Yes, let’s just erase this night from our minds.”
I feel a keen sense of disappointment. Now that I’ve dipped my toes in the water, I want to fully dive in. “Okay, yeah. Sure.”
She nods her head like the matter is settled. “Thank you for being there tonight. Sorry for the whole emotional breakdown thing and then the . . . other stuff.”
She heads over to her door, which I take as my cue to head out. Probably for the best, considering I need to get my head straight, too. But I can’t leave knowing she feels that what just happened was a bad thing.
“For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you,” I say.
“Here comes the cheesy pep talk,” she teases. “For what?”
“For not holding back.” I lean down and place my mouth just by her ear. “And just for the record, you didn’t hear me complaining, did you?”
26
Faye
Eli is my friend.
Eli is my friend.
Eli is my friend.
If I say it to myself enough times, I’m hoping I can eradicate the thought that keeps creeping like vines into my brain that Eli is myvery hot friendwho I made out with, and then dry humped to completion.
He didn’t show up for our usual morning coffee, so I don’t know if he’s even at work today. I open Slack and check to see if his status has updated, but his name still has a gray circle next to it. I don’t think he’s missed a day of work since he started—I’m panicking, thinking it’s because of me. I basically ran him out of my apartment, so maybe he’s decided to leave the Southeastern United States again. But I felt so vulnerable in that moment, in a way that shocked me. I was overwhelmed, putting guards up just in case we’d done something we might regret.
