Page 116 of Fun Together
When Eli takes his seat again, I’m unable to make eye contact with him, feeling the sting of impending tears behind my eyes.
“I’ll be right back,” I say. “Need to use the restroom.”
A look of concern passes over his face before he smiles softly and says, “Okay.”
“That was lovely,” I say, barely above a whisper before I weave through the guests and make my way inside the house. I’m relieved when I find the half bath next to the living room unoccupied. I shut the door and look at myself in the mirror. I almost laugh, even though nothing about this is funny. I’m pretty sure when someone gives a heartwarming speech, that is also a not-so-thinly-veiled confession of feelings, you’re not supposed to look as terrified as I do now.
I take a few seconds to re-do my bun and gets my thoughts in order.
This is the moment I think I’m supposed to decide what to do. I’m supposed to look myself in the eye and tell myself to buck up and tell him how I feel, too.
And there it is.What do I feel?
I feel scared, sure, but that’s too easy. What’s hard is admitting that everything he said in his speech is the very thing I’ve always wanted, too. Fun, friendship, safety, and love. And those are all things I can’t keep denying that I feel for him.
But if there’s anything I’ve learned in life, it’s that just because you want something doesn’t mean you’ll get it.
I touch up my lipstick and give myself a big, fake smile.
38
Eli
It’s takingeverything in me not to follow Faye into the house.
I didn’t mean for my speech to the take the direction it did. I had planned to tell the funny pot story about my parents, give the toast, and that’s it. But then I looked out at my family and friends, sharing this moment of celebration together and Faye shifted so clearly into my focus.
The sun was setting behind everyone and there she was, cast in its golden glow. She was smiling softly the way she does when she’s not thinking about how others are seeing her, like she does when she’s watching a movie she loves or is showing me something funny Rett sent her. Like she does when it’s just us two, sharing each other’s company.
She was all I could see. And I felt it.
I’m falling in love with her.
The moment just felt so right to tell her, like if I didn’t take the opportunity to say something I’d lose my nerve. I didn’t even think past that, I just started talking and then I couldn’t stop.
Fuck.
I discovered my mistake when I got back to my seat and Faye looked pale, her soft smile wiped away to reveal a tense set to her jaw. She looked like she was going to pass out or puke.
I watch her stop to allow Florence and Pebbles to zoom across her path. She gives Flo a sweet smile and wave and I feel my heart break a little.
This party is not going the way I thought it would. I imagined introducing Faye to everyone and . . . I don’t know, showing her how well she’d fit here. With me.
I look over at Andrew and he’s watching her, too.
“Is she okay?” he asks, as we get up from the table.
Everyone disperses to refill their drinks or stand around talking. I notice Emmett standing by himself away from everyone, pretending to be interested in the hedge growing along the back fence. I wonder how he’s doing tonight. If he’s missing Mara and wondering, like me, if he’s made too many mistakes he’ll never be able to fix.
“Yeah, uh, she said she needed to go to the restroom.”
He nods, taking a sip of his drink.
I don’t know what to say to him. I want to apologize, but where do I start? With the dead plant? With missing his calls?
With falling in love with his ex-girlfriend?
My mom and dad make a beeline for me before I get a chance to say anything to him.
