Page 1 of Fun Together
1
Faye
That extra shotof espresso was a terrible idea.
But when boredom takes over, there’s only one thing that’ll make the afternoon go by, and it’s coping via caffeine. It’s one of the last Summer Fridays left this year, when the corporate overlords of Millionfish Enterprises allow us to leave at noon. I’m sure everyone is probably out enjoying the muggy August afternoon.
Everyone except me. It’s 2:30 and a tumbleweed of sticky notes just rolled past my cubicle.
Before Alexis left for the day, she asked that I stay and wait for a package from Sharper Image to be delivered. Sometimes she sends me home with products to test for employee “gifts,” and she didn’t tell me what it is this time, but I’m sure it’s some kind of productivity-boosting gadget she heard about on a podcast. Back in November, they gave each of us one of those light therapy lamps that are meant to simulate natural sunlight after employees mentioned they were struggling with coming and going to the office when it’s dark.
I’ve become a seasoned pro at spending these Friday afternoons alone at the office, so I’ve already done the usual things I do to pass the time at work (besides my actual job). I re-organized my inbox. I trimmed my split-ends with a dull pair of office scissors. I watched Damon Salvatore fancams for thirty minutes straight.
Enter the emergency iced latte that’s now harassing my nervous system. I’m pretty sure I can hear the vibrations of the blood circulating through my body, rumbling deep in my ears. In my overactive imaginings, this sound is coming from the caffeine molecules whitewater rafting down my capillaries. They’re even wearing little yellow helmets and calling out rowing commands to each other. I know this isn’t how the body works, and I’m not completely sure what capillaries even are, but how cute would that be?
I should get up and walk around to dispel some of this misplaced energy. It’s time for the final phase of killing time, anyway: call best friend to complain while roaming around the fluorescent-lit hallways.
“Why don’t you just leave?” Rett asks. “Alexis will never know.”
“Trust me. She’ll detect my departure from the salon where she’s getting her hair done right now.” I wouldn’t put it past her to install invisible trip wires at all the exits, with alarms set to wail if I try to escape early.
“At least you didn’t drive her this time. I still can’t believe you took her to that weird spa last month.”
Alexis saw a viral video about a place that does LED light therapy facials, but they tie you down with lavender-infused straps and play wind chime simulations through a VR headset the entire time. She was so excited to book a coveted appointment, how could I refuse to take her? Her car was in the shop, and she needed to stimulate her collagen production.
“The waiting list for that place is insane. She would have had to wait five months if she missed it.”
“That is not your problem. That woman stresses you out so much it sounds like you’re having a hard time even talking right now.”
I don’t mention that this doesn't really have anything to do with an overbearing boss and is instead due to my bodily functions competing in rapid river races as we speak. I veer into the big conference room on this floor and sit down at the head of the giant glass-topped table.
“What are you doing this weekend?” she asks.
I turn my chair so I can look outside the floor-to-ceiling windows. Our office building is in a corporate park, so there’s a small courtyard area with a few benches and tables set up between the buildings. I wonder who else is out there looking out the window waiting for their weekend to begin.
“Not sure. I’ll probably work on the quarterly marketing deck.” Alexis has a big presentation on Tuesday that she’ll want to run through Monday afternoon. Sure, I could have been working on that for the past two hours instead of dicking around an empty office building, but I do my best work during a nice Sunday night panic. “Oh, and Andrew is coming by at some point to pick up his suitcase for his trip.”
The sigh she heaves could be heard from Mars. “I don’t even know where to begin.”
Rett has been out of town for the last few weeks helping with family stuff going on back home. She’s basically my only friend so I’ve definitely missed her, but I’m selfishly relieved she’s not here right now. I have no doubt that the interrogation I’m about to endure is better experienced over the phone rather than in person. Suddenly, I long for a leisurely afternoon spent color-coding Alexis’s calendar.
“Why do you still have your ex-boyfriend’s suitcase?”
“Well, I haven’t unpacked it yet.”I spin around a few times in the chair before realizing that I probably shouldn’t add motion sickness to the mix.
“Okay.” She clears her throat. Haughtily, somehow. “Follow up question. Why have you still not unpacked a suitcase when you’ve been in your new place for six months now?”
“I just haven’t gotten around to it.”Busy doing other things, like staring off into the abyss and contemplating a bleach job or cutting my own bangs.
Another sigh. “What are you doing that’s not work or ex-boyfriend related?”
My only response is a shrug that she can’t even hear through the phone.
“Faye.” I know this tone. It’s what I imagine a lecture from a parent about to give me a very important life lesson feels like. I wouldn’t know, considering I spent most of my childhood being raised by a grandfather whose idea of parenting was limited to allowing me to watch horror movies I was way too young for and telling me that he didn’t care what I did as long as I didn’t get arrested. This is hilarious to me now, because the most criminal-like activity I engaged in was stealing a pack of Skittles from the North Carolina Zoo’s gift shop on a school field trip in second grade.
“I haven’t said anything yet because I’ve been giving you time, but I’m worried. You spend over forty hours a week working for a company that barely knows you exist. You are allowed to do something else for the measly forty-eight we’re given on the weekend. I’m starting to think you like having to work late every day just so you won’t have to think about your life.”
“Wow. Give it to me gently.”
