Page 81 of Delayed Intention
Me
Hi
“Wow. Way to jump in with both feet Lily.” Before I can think of a clever comeback, the three dots indicating a reply is incoming appear . I almost dropped the phone.
Josh
Hello
“Now what?” I turn to Abbie.
“They’re your feelings—just tell him.”
I want you to know, I’m still thinking. I’ve read your letter a few times. I’m just afraid
K. Do you want to ask me questions? Would that help?
I turn to Abbie. “Well?”
“Ask whatever you want to ask. What’ve you got to lose?”
I think for a bit before answering.
How do I know this letter is how you really feel? As opposed to what you said in the bar.
I can tell you that letter is how I really feel. I couldn’t admit the truth to myself before.
Beyond that? You can give me time, to prove it to you. you can have all the time you need Lily.
The things you said to Felicia—what she told my mother. That was pretty worst case scenario.
I know and Lily I can’t tell you how sorry I am. It was the day of the blizzard, and I was trying to get Felicia off the idea there’s something romantic between us because I thought I was protecting you from your family.
I had no idea how much it would backfire.
That actually makes sense to me.
That actually makes sense to me. I hope you understand how important it is to me that I’m safe.
Of course I do
That’s when it all flashes before my eyes—how my life was, how trapped in fear I was. How close this fear of being hurt by him almost sent me back there. If I was a stronger person, I could have more faith. I could put myself out there, and take a chance. But more than I want to embrace Josh again and see where this goes, I am determined never to go back to a small life trapped in fear. The life that kept me under Ellen’s thumb. Feeling my heart literally break open in my chest, I bite my bottom lip hard as I type out a reply.
Then you will understand why I can’t date you. I can’t take the risk that you’ll hurt me again.
I am waiting for an answer and some acknowledgment.
“That’s not how I thought this was goin’ to play out.” Abbie says softly from over my shoulder. I realize the phone in my hand is blurred, and at the same time, I feel the heat of tears in my eyes. She rests her hand between my shoulder blades. It’s a good thing I only wear waterproof mascara, I think sadly.
I do understand. I’d hoped you’d make a different decision but I will respect whatever you need to do for yourself.
My phone starts vibrating in my hand.
“It’s him,” I say.
Abbie stands. “Come get me if you need me.” She squeezes my shoulder before she steps out of my room.
“Hello?” I manage.
