Page 17 of Delayed Intention
“Well, remember that childhood friend, Josh, that I had a crush on?”
“Yeah…”
“The truth is that there was more to that story than I’ve told you before.” I swallow some of my coffee before I go on. “What I didn’t tell you was about the last night we hung out before we lost touch.”
Abbie’s eyebrows shoot to the top of her forehead.
“Not like that—we had this night when we stayed up talking and we did kiss and it was very G-rated, but I mean I had such a huge crush on him—it seemed like a big deal back then. Well, I came home, and I panicked, and I kind of ghosted him. That’s the truth.”
“Ouch. But I mean, what were you, fourteen? Fifteen?”
“Fifteen. The thing was that his father had just left his family and wasn’t returning his calls, and I don’t know why I couldn’t bring myself to talk to him…” Of course, I do know why, but, in my head, I decide right then and there that I can’t go into the whole Dr. Kellerman thing. Someday—not today. “I was convinced that he was better off without me…and I meant to get in touch with him later, but all this stuff happened and I just… I never got back in touch.”
“And now?”
“Well, my grandmother was on the phone with his mother, because they’re still best friends, and it just brought it all up for me.”As if I had ever stopped thinking about him. “And, anyway, my grandma listened to me talk about what happened and suggested—because it was the season for reaching out and asking for forgiveness—that I write him a letter. So I did.”
“A letter? Like with paper?” Abbie looks a little disappointed as she draws out the word paper to almost three syllables.
“I mean, it was in the spirit of Yom Kippur and asking for forgiveness, and I don’t know.” God, this all probably sounds so dumb to her, but I push forward—new year, new me. I raise my chin. “It felt good—I mean, I’m sure you’ve had things you’ve done that you wish you could take back or that you’d made a different choice.”
“Of course, I have, of course.” She sips at her coffee. “Do you know? Did he get the letter?”
“As a matter of fact, yes. He emailed me today. It was a bit cold, but we are going to be back in touch.” I don’t know why I’m not telling her about Estes and the wedding planning. I’ll unpack that later. “Anyway, this probably sounds very sophomoric to you, but it’s part of these new changes I’m making.”
We both pause to drain the rest of our coffees as my brother-in-law walks up. David is tall, like most of my family, a ginger with a full red beard that has increasing sprinkles of silver in it these days. To me, he looks a little more like a Viking than a doctor—if Vikings worekippot. His brown eyes are framed by thick, Buddy Holly glasses, however, which tone down the fierceness of his appearance.
“Hello, Lily.” He turns to my friend. “And hello, Abbie. How are you?”
“I’m doing well, David. You ready for this eat-in-a-hut holiday?” Abbie refers to herself as a cafeteria-style Catholic and is fascinated by all of our holidays. David laughs.
“I’m ready, but only because Roselyn is home doing all the work. Speaking of which, I don’t want to get in trouble, so Lily—you ready to go?”
“Sure thing.”
“Bye Abbie, love you.” I gather my stuff and put the lid back on my coffee.
“Love ya, girl. See you on the other side.”
As we are walking out, David takes my bag from me and loads it into the car.
“How’s my favorite sister-in-law doing?”
I laugh, but know he’s not kidding.
“I’m okay… Long day at work, though. I loathe working in the observation unit. It’s so much to juggle the needs of the patient, the social worker, the families… Honestly, I’m thinking I may want a change of scene.”
“One of the best parts of being a PA is that you can do that.”
“Yes, but you know the worst part?”
“Doing most of the work of a doctor for a lot less pay?”
“Okay, you get that one, every time. Seriously though, I feel overwhelmed—like I can’t wait to get out of here every day. If I’m truthful with myself, I don’t think the hospital clinic is the best place for my anxiety. At the same time, I’m terrified of making a change. I’ve only worked in one place my entire career. Not to mention our whole family works here.”
“That makes sense.” I love that he listens without offering advice, but I know if I asked him directly, he’d tell me the truth. My sister’s a lucky woman.
“David, if I forget to say it later…Thanks for having me for the holiday.”
