Page 95 of Delayed Intention
“What can I get you folks?” The teenage barista starts before she recognizes me from her appointment last week when she’d burned her hand on the steamer wand.
“Hey Dr. Cohen, do you want your usual? The hand is doing well and I’m on cashier duty—like you suggested.” She, Marie, raises up a hand with a clean bandage across the palm.
“Sure, my usual coffee and Lily here would like an oat milk latte, is that right?”
“Yes please.” Lily says to Marie while making eye contact with me only. Warmth spreads through my chest, along with potentially stupid hope.
Marie rings up our order, and I add a few of their homemade granola bars to the snacks in my backpack. We wait for our drinks—both of us looking at the local art on the walls rather than talking to each other.
Eventually, I turned to her, “You drove?”
“Yeah, I snagged a spot in their lot, which is a miracle.”
She’s smiling at me. Her hair is in two braids, and she’s wearing an old Weezer concert T-shirt, leggings with a black cargo skirt over them, and hiking shoes. She looks adorable. I shove my hands in my pockets in an effort not to touch her.
I try for a smile instead, “That is a miracle. The trail we’re hiking is just five minutes away—but if we don’t drive there it’s a complicated walk—so thanks for driving.”
“No problem.”
“Here you go doc.” Another barista hands us our drinks. We walk out the back and around the building rather than fight the crowd to get back through the front door.
Climbing into her SUV, I give her directions to the trailhead. We drive over in what I hope is comfortable silence, both sipping our coffees. Arriving, I’m happy to see my calculation has paid off, and there’s almost no one here. We climb out and sit on a bench, chatting about wedding prep while we finish our coffees.
“Is this what you wanted to talk about, last minute checklists for the wedding and rehearsal?” She’s giving me a teasing smile.
“No,” I smile at her. “It’s not. Let’s hike and I’ll explain as we go. Is that okay?”
“Okay.”
It’s just over a two-hour hike to Gem Lake. The views along the way are stunning, and it’s steep enough to keep the conversation light. When we arrive at the lake, we’re the only ones there. I scoped out a rock for us to sit on and handed her a water bottle and a granola bar we bought from Kind.
“It’s really beautiful up here.” Lily looks around, “Thank you for bringing me.”
“It is beautiful, isn’t it.” It’s a clear day so far, and the blue sky is reflecting in the lake surrounded by a wall of rocks along one side and greenery around the rest. I stand up from the rock and stretch. I take a breath and then face her head-on.
“Look Lily. Thanks for agreeing to meet me today and taking the time for the hike.” My mouth is starting to dry up, and I feel like I need to start walking again. I don’t want to say the wrong thing so now I just sound so formal. I run my hand through my hair and grab the back of my neck. Might as well get to the point.
“I wanted to talk to you because, well, I don’t want to pressure you or anything, but I was hoping that you’d consider maybe giving me another chance?”
There. I said it.
I’ve never felt so vulnerable in my life as I do in this moment as Lily stands and looks me in the eyes.
She smiles, and I breathe.
“That’s what you wanted to talk about?”
“Yes. I meant what I said in my last letter. I love you and I don’t know why it took me so long to realize how I felt about you. And I’m so sorry I made such a fucking mess of everything. I’ve given you no good reasons to take a chance on me…”
She starts closing the distance between us, and I stop finding words.Was I saying something?
“You want another chance.”
“Yes. Yes, I do.”Does she know how close she is to me?
Lily steps her feet toe to toe with mine, chin up, smelling of sunscreen and sunshine. She lifts her sunglasses off her face and looks into my eyes.
“Josh, I would like that. Very much. To give us another chance.” She wraps her arms around my neck, and the ground beneath my feet feels like it shifts.
