Page 90 of Delayed Intention
“Fuck. I burned my tongue.”
“Lily…” I start, but then her skin breaks into a sweat; she runs out of the coffee shop and vomits into a trash can outside.
I leave a twenty-dollar bill for the barista and leave the coffee behind. I bring the cup of water and a stack of napkins and follow her. Families strolling down the riverwalk with their children and dogs give us a wide berth, with various looks ranging from judgmental to horrified being sent our way.
“You all, right?” I ask, careful not to touch her.
She’s still leaning over the trash can, and peers up at me. A sheen of sweat has broken out on her forehead, and I hand her a dry napkin while I take another, dip it in the water, and place it under her mass of curls at the nape of her neck. She uses the dry napkin to dab at her forehead and under her eyes. She reaches for the water, rinses her mouth, and spits into the trash can. An older couple walks by, hand in hand, and the man frowns at us while his wife winks at me.
Lily shudders. “I must look awful.”
“I wouldn’t say that.” Somehow, she still looks captivating, even with her eye makeup a bit blurred and the glow of sweat across her face.
She plops down on a bench by the river, and I sit beside her. As usual, the water is roaring, which I use as an excuse to lean toward her when she starts to speak. I hand her a stick of gum from my inside pocket. She smiles gratefully, popping it in her mouth before she begins playing with the wrapper.
“I thought you wanted to talk to me to tell me that you and Jenny were coming to the wedding together.”
“No. That wasn’t it.”
“Oh. Well, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?” Anxiety and nausea are etched across her face.
“Maybe we will save that for when you aren’t so drunk. I don’t think now’s the time. It can keep.” I try to smile. “Are you okay Lily? I heard from Ros what happened at Passover.”
“I’m not okay.” She looks at me, her eyes searching mine. “But I’ve learned enough to know I will be.”
Before I can think better of it I blurt out, “I’ve missed talking to you.”
“I miss talking to you, too.”
She leans her head on my shoulder. It takes everything not to take the next logical step, in my mind, which is to pull her onto my lap. I settle for resting my head on hers. We sit there for a few minutes, with everything I’d wanted to say left unsaid, but the last thing I want to do is pressure her or scare her off. Once again, I remind myself this week is not about me.
Lily speaks first, sounding resigned, “We should go back to the party”
“Yeah. I’d told Michelle I’d help her with the girls. She’s out numbered.”
“Can I help too?”
“That would be awesome actually.” I clear my throat. “If you have a handbag or something you may want to um, touch up your make up a bit. It’s kind of smeared.”
“Ah, thanks for that. I have makeup in my pockets.” She gives me a half smile and pulls out a handful of products from her skirt pocket. She heads back into the coffee shop and uses their bathroom to touch up.
I want to talk to her, and tell her everything, but she seems so fragile, and I don’t want her to decide something that she won’t really mean, just because she’s feeling vulnerable.
I stand, looking at her, as she makes her way back to me. Not pulling her into my arms and kissing the hell out of her feels like it’s costing me everything. Instead, I reach out a friendly hand.
“Ready to go make an awkward entrance together?”
“Let’s do it.” She winks.
The Hangover
Lily, Estes Park, June 9, 2025
Barely pulling myself together, I somehow make my way to a taxi that will deliver me to today’s planned spa day. The entire place has been booked by our wedding party and families. This will be an all day thing. I thank God that I’m not expected to do anything more taxing than get my busted ass over to the venue. Later tonight, however, will be ladies’ night out, and I’m going to need serious hydration and energy drinks if there is any hope of my participation. There’s no point in wishing there’s more of a buffer between these events and my hangover. It is what it is. I’m both relieved and sad I won’t be seeing Josh today. Yesterday was full of terrible decisions and now that I’m left with the consequences, I’m hoping it’s all out of my system. The rest of the week should be drama-free so that the focus can go back to where it should be: my brother’s wedding.
Yesterday morning I’d planned to meet Josh for coffee. We texted out the details the night before. Instead of waking up and getting ready, like a normal person, I started worrying about what he wanted to talk about. Anxieties about him, seeing my family, and seeing Ellen kept playing out in my head. I could have called someone, but instead, I started drinking alone, circling the drain with my own mental spiral. I ended up so trashed right there in front of God and everyone, making an absolute fool of myself. At least, the parts I can remember. I grimace, recalling how I threw up into a trash can in front of Josh, not to mention dozens of tourists. With my luck, I’m going to end up as a viral meme on the internet.
One thing I do recall with clarity is that I survived last night because my siblings, Josh, and Abbie, were running interference. Thanks to them, I don’t think I had to interact with Ellen beyond a polite ‘hello’ and nod. My goal for the rest of the week is that the remaining time will unfold without any further focus on my drama. It’s time to keep my head down and do everything to make this week about the bride and groom.
