Page 64 of Delayed Intention
She wags her tail at the sound of my voice.
More love I don’t deserve.
At some point I hear my phone is ringing—a number I don’t recognize. Thinking I couldn’t receive any worse news at this point, I answer it, surrendering to whatever awaits me on the other end of the line.
“Hello?”
“Josh?”
“Who is this?”
“It’s Abbie Waters, Lily’s best friend.”
“Abbie. I—”
“Nope, me first, Josh. First of all, It would upset Lily if she knew I called you. This was my idea. Get that straight. Speaking of, I was able to find your cell number with no problem—maybe that vengeful ex of yours has posted your number on your clinic’s social media profiles. Unless you have another ex out there doing that? Anyway, that’s how I got your number, so you might want to address that.”
“Thanks.” I wait to see what insults she’s planning to hurl at me, but nothing happens. I wait, assuming the indefensible position that I have put myself in.
Eventually, she clears her throat.
“My friend…ourfriend,” she corrects herself, surprising me, “is worthy of being cherished. Do you know that?”
“I do.”
“Listen, I’ve had life try to break me on the rocks of its shores. I get suffering, is what I’m saying—and I know you’ve had some too. But Lily? Her love… it shouldn’t be wasted.”
“It shouldn’t be wasted on me.”
“Don’t put words in my mouth.” She snapped. “I saw you with her. You have more feelings for her than you’re aware of. My theory is that’s why you were so horrible to her. She terrifies you. I’m sure your feelings do.”
“What are you saying?”
“Fix things with her before it’s too late. You may not be worth it, but she sure is.”
“Listen, Abbie—”
“Love is a decision, Josh. It doesn’t fall from the sky. So, decide. Is her happiness worth more than yours? Would you do anything for her—for her safety, her joy, her heart? The other thing to consider is that you seem to spend more energy keeping her out of your heart than it would cost you to let her in. Maybe think about that.”
Shit, she has me there. I’ve been so focused on my inability to be relationship material that it did seem to be a coat of armor I was putting on rather than something natural. I barely knew Abbie, and yet she was dismantling my entire surface personality.Damn.
“And Josh?”
“Yeah?”
“If you ever shout at her like that again, I will be your worst nightmare. I’ll bring friends, very butch friends, and we will beat the shit out of you.”
“I don’t deserve her.”
“I never said you did. Make things right, or you will regret it forever. Trust me.”
“I’ll try.”
She hung up without saying goodbye.
Waking up this morning, I was not as hungover as I expected, but I was thoroughly exhausted. Having hardly slept, I required a significant influx of caffeine to make my way to the shower. If my new habits keep up, I will have to invest in a much larger bottle of aspirin. Michelle called after I fixed my third cup of coffee.
“What the fuck, Josh?”
