Page 21 of Afternoon Delight
I’m not proud of that.
But I was doing everything I could to be present now—as evidenced by the fact that I was waiting for him to call me because I wasn’t there.
Ugh. Mother of the Year again.
I texted that I was free all day tomorrow if he wanted to talk, then started going through the books on my bedroom shelves, hoping to find a first edition Harry Potter.
Rod:
Are you home now?
Yes
A FaceTime notification popped up.
I dropped the book I was holding and accepted the call, moving to the bed and piling pillows against the headboard. “Hi.”
“Hey.” He was on his laptop with gaming headphones on, not looking at me as he emptied his school backpack onto the desk.
“It’s Saturday night. I thought you’d be out.” I glanced at the clock. It was nine there—he still had an hour before curfew.
“Like with Tyson? He’s with Bethany now.” His lip curled, and his eyebrows pulled into that winged shape Joel’s always made when he was annoyed. I found it patronizing in his father—but when Roddie did it, I loved it.
“Really?” I was genuinely shocked. Agog. Things had been very new between them, but—“Bethany?” I couldn’t believe it. She’d been his best friend since kindergarten.
“Right? He acted like he liked me, but I guess he actually liked her? And she likes him? That’s fucked up, right?”
“It is.” Now wasn’t the time to scold him for swearing. Honestly, I actually didn’t care if my kids swore. I almost never said anything about it.
Roddie’s brows had thickened with adolescence, forming strong, masculine lines over his golden-brown eyes. In so many ways, he looked like the young Joel my young self had fallen for—especially with that kicked-dog look on his face. It reminded me I had genuinely loved his father. It helped me forgive myself for staying with Joel that first time. I did what I thought was best for our kids. I didn’t regret it—but I knew now it hadn’t been the best thing for me.
Hindsight, man. Always twenty-twenty.
“I’m really sorry to hear that, bud. I can see you’re angry.” And hurt. Oh, my little man.
“I am. School sucks. I switched to remote learning, but I have to go in for music and science lab. They’re on my fucking bus.”
“Oh, buddy. That sucks.”
“Yeah.” There was a crack in his voice.
I wanted to hug him so hard right then. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“I just did.”
Right. I didn’t laugh because there was a sharp ache sitting in my chest. He might be starting to look and sound more man than child, but I felt as though I’d abandoned my baby.
“Did you see my text about coming here for spring break?” I asked tentatively.
“Yeah. You’re staying longer? How come?”
“Grandma’s having trouble parting with stuff.” That was true, but I’d noticed that my own room was a time capsule, so I was trying not to be too hard on her about it. “I’ve also started working for a friend who’s sick. It’s a long story, but there’s a chance I’ll need to stay through the summer to get everything done. I can fly you out here anytime, though. I have points from all my other trips. Grandma would love to see you.”
Visiting Grandma in Victoria had been a lot more fun at four than it was at fourteen, so I was genuinely surprised when he said, “Can I come next weekend? We’ve got a PA day Friday, and Thursday’s online. I could leave Wednesday after my lab in the morning, then do school from there on Thursday.”
I was taken aback. What fourteen-year-old wanted to hang out with his mom unless he really, really missed her? A lump formed in my throat.
“Done,” I said. “I’ll book it as soon as we’re off the phone.”
