Page 215 of A Queen's Game
“I’m allowed to want a family. I’m allowed to dream of that life with you.”
“Go ahead.” Marietta turned her burning stare to him. “As long as I’m your partner, then it will stay a dream.”
Keyain ripped his hand through his hair as he ground his jaw. “Why are you so difficult all the fucking time?”
She laughed mirthlessly. “Let’s play out the scenario, Keyain. We move to Satiros, into your manor, or whatever bullshit thing you call it.” Keyain tried to speak, but she talked over him. “We have these children, two sweet little girls. What happens when they have these?” Marietta flicked the blunted tips of her ears, gesturing to the half-elven shape.
“I will still love them, and you know that,” he ground out.
“Love doesn’t save them from being a lesser citizen!” she yelled. “It sure as fuck wouldn’t save me!”
“No one would treat you any differently—”
“You can’t promise that!” Marietta had turned to him fully, breathless with her anger. “You can’t promise me anything.”
He bit back his answer, running his tongue over his teeth. “There’s a strong chance they’ll look more elven, Mar. There’s plenty of couples in Satiros who have elven-passing children, though one parent is a half-elf.”
“And what happens when they have a noticeably half-elven child?” she hissed. Marietta couldn’t imagine having a child who was deemed lesser than her by backward laws—how could Keyain? “There’s still that chance, and I refuse to put a pilinos child’s life at risk by living in Satiros. We’ve been through this.”
Silence settled between them, neither wanting to address the disparity in the future they saw for themselves. Marietta didn’t want kids. They’d had that fight countless of times. Keyain once got her to admit she’d be more willing to have a family with him in Enomenos, and he took that as she was open to having kids. Correcting him grew more exhausting with each fight.
Perhaps she should have listened to her father’s warnings about Syllogi elves. Marietta loved Keyain, but it wouldn’t be possible for them to stay together and both be happy.
Finally, Keyain broke the silence. “I would give almost anything up for you, Mar. Why is it you can’t give up anything for me?”
A lie. He has never given anything up for her, and she was the one with everything to lose. Marietta refused to answer, tucking her knees tight to her chest. Their future had never been so clear.
“As a reminder, Monty will travel with you to Kentro. After that, I’ll send someone else who can stay longer, about a couple of months,” Keyain said while packing his clothes on their last morning in Notos, taking off in just a few hours. Marietta would head to Kentro, and Keyain would return to Satiros.
Marietta didn’t respond, her throat tightening and her body shaking with what she was about to do.
Keyain was looking over his shoulder at her. “Mar, you okay? You look like you’re about to be sick.”
“Keyain, can you sit?”
“I’ve almost finished packing,” he said, turning back to his clothes.
“Keyain, please,” she begged, her voice cracking as tears filled her eyes.
“Mar?” He turned, his brows furrowed with her expression. With a few blinks, he stood, saying nothing as he sat on the bed. When Marietta sat beside him, Keyain didn’t reach out to touch her—he sensed what was coming.
“Keyain, we want two very different futures.”
He frowned, his eyes watering. “I would have any future with you, even if it’s not the one I want.” He brushed a tear away, looking at Marietta with a sad smile.
“I can’t ask you to do that. You deserve to live the life you want.” Marietta looked down, watching her tears saturate the wooden floor at her feet.
“You don’t have to ask. I’d give everything up to be with you.”
“Yet you keep bringing up kids. You should have the future you want,” she paused, taking a shattering breath. “Keyain, I’m so sorry.” Marietta burst into tears, unable to hold back.
Keyain reached over, pulling her into a hug. Even at that moment, he felt the need to comfort her. “Is this what you want? Do you wish to not be with me?”
Those questions were like a knife to the heart. “I’m so sorry,” she repeated.
Keyain held her as she cried, his hand cradling the back of her head. “It’s alright.” He pushed her hair back to study her face, his green eyes glossy with tears, his face flushed with emotion. “I wasn’t meant to be happy.”
The words cleaved her in two. Marietta loved him, but she needed to let him go. They sat there, holding each other, until finally Keyain wiped his face and got their stuff ready.
