Page 44 of Sea La Vie
Tate gives me a one shoulder shrug then rubs a hand along his jaw. “I’ve thought about it a lot since I’ve been here, and I think I’m partly to blame. I feel like I used her.”
I raise an eyebrow, intrigued. She cheated on him buthefeels bad. What could be worse than cheating?
“You know what kind of life I had growing up. Nothing was ever more permanent than a few years at one base and a few years at another. It used to drive me crazy, packing up and saying goodbye to the few friends I managed to make, only to unpack and do it all over again in another town. I wanted a stable, dependable job, a wife I knew I could count on, and kids I wouldn’t neglect. I wanted a house in the suburbs with the white picket fence that I would come home to everyday and never have to think twice about leaving. It became this sort of checklist in my head of things I wanted to achieve. So I got my accounting degree and fell in love with the predictability of it. Everything equals out by the end in accounting and there’s no second-guessing or maybes with your answer. It either adds up, or it doesn’t.” He pauses for a second, gazing out over the water. “And then I met Liv. I think I knew from the start that we should probably end things sooner rather than later, but her grandpa was a really well known accountant in the Charlotte area and offered me a job. I figured I was happy enough. She’s a beautiful girl who checked all my boxes, and I knew she’d never leave me…or I thought she never would, at least. So one thing led to another, and I caught her cheating and now…here I am.”
I nod and stare out at the horizon. A tiny crab skitters away just outside of my reach and disappears into the water. I’m trying to process everything he said when he lays a hand on my knee. “Do you want to go back to the boat?”
“Not yet,” I say. I pull my knees up to my chest in an attempt to dull the ache I’m feeling there. “Tate, I need to tell you something.” I inhale deeply before I continue. “I’m sorry. Foreverything. For the way we ended our friendship, for getting mad at you for…everything. I was so upset at the thought of losing you for four years, and I was so, so selfish. If I could go back in time, I’d do everything different. I just didn’t know how to process everything. I was so afraid of losing you for that short time that I ended up losing you for so much longer,” I say softly. I can’t bring myself to say I’m sorry about Liv. Because honestly, I’d like to kick her in the knees for ever mistreating Tate. He stands and offers me a hand, which I grab to join him.
“It’s okay,” he says and pulls me into a hug. “It’s all in the past.” I wrap my arms around his strong frame and breathe in his earthy, pine scent. He releases me from our hug but keeps hold of my hand as we trudge back into the water.
“I was falling for you, you know,” I whisper. “All those summer nights we’d sneak out and lay on my roof and stare at the stars…I wanted it all. I wantedeverythingwith you.”
Tate stops and turns toward me. “Lainey, I wanted everything with you from the moment I first met you. You were headstrong and smart, even as a kid, and I admired everything about you. But…the timing wasn’t right.”
“I liked yousomuch, Tate. And I really am sorry. I knew the timing wasn't right, and I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you as my best friend.”
“Well,” Tate says. “Technically, we’re not best friends now, so what do we have to lose?” He smirks and rakes a hand through his hair, and it takes all I have for my knees not to buckle right here in the sand.
“Hey Lainey?” He asks as we get into the water.
“Hmm?” I sink down, letting the water cool my shoulders.
“How about another tow in?” Tate’s grin is enough to send me into a tailspin of laughter.
“All aboard,” I say, with a wink. “But you’ve really got to help kick this time.”
“That was probably the best meal I’ve ever tasted,” Tate says, scooting back from the table and rubbing his washboard abs. He’s still only in board shorts after our swim, so I had to eat our entire lunch and pretend like this broad-shouldered, tan, and toned man sent down from heaven was not half-naked in front of me. I can’t even remember what we ate, but do remember asking for three glasses of ice cold water.
“I agree,” I say. I lean my elbow on the table and take a sip of my water. The wind is warm, and it feels good on my sunkissed skin. I’m so relaxed, I almost feel intoxicated—like I could close my eyes right here and fall asleep with a grin the size of Texas on my face. I can’t remember a time when I’ve ever felt so carefree.
“Sam mentioned you had a garden the other day. I didn’t know you were a gardener,” Tate says.
I smile, bits and pieces of broken memories flooding my mind. “I don’t know if I’d call myself a gardener,” I say. “I took Sam out there once and he fell in love with the place. Lot’s of dirt and worms. A little boy’s paradise. He played with his Tonka trucks out there for hours.”
Tate smiles. “I forgot about Tonka trucks. I used to love those things. What do you grow out there? Vegetables? Flowers? Both?”
I sigh and prop my head in my hand. “My mom bought a piece of land on the other side of town before she died. Her dream was to open a cut flower farm one day. We used to sit at the kitchen table and pour over magazines together, cutting out pictures of flowers and pasting them to notebooks, creating ourdream garden. We only got one good season together. It’s a field of weeds and dirt now.”
Tate reaches his hand across the table and intertwines my free hand with his. “Ah, Lainey, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
“No, I’m glad you did,” I say. “No one wants to talk about her with me. It’s like they’re afraid if they mention anything about her, it’ll make me break down. But it’s kind of the complete opposite. Iwantto talk about her. I want to remember her.” I pause and stare at our intertwined fingers. “I’m afraid if I don’t talk about her, I’ll start forgetting her.”
“Well, tell me about her,” Tate says quietly.
“Hmm, where to start,” I say, smiling. “When she died, I was young enough to still be a kid but old enough to know I needed to take over her responsibilities. Dad left early every morning to get out on the water before sunrise, so it was typically my job to get the boys up and ready for school, pack lunches, and make an easy breakfast. Dad always made it home in time for dinner, though. We always cooked it together.” I smile, remembering those evenings with Dad in the kitchen. “He’d turn on an old Fleetwood Mac album and pull out moms old cookbooks. We’d dance around the kitchen until one of us noticed something was burnt, then we’d sit down and pretend like it was our new favorite meal, when in reality, it was barely edible.”
Tate smiles and rubs my palm with his thumb. “You had to grow up fast though,” he says softly.
“In some ways, yes. But in other ways, I got to be a kid too. Miss Kat and Al would drop in and help every chance they could to let me just be a kid. I didn’t know what they were doing at the time, but I recognized it the older I got.”
“Why haven’t you been working in the garden?” Tate asks. His thumb is trailing circles over the inside of my wrist and goosebumps pepper my skin despite the warm breeze.
I bite my lip, considering his question. “I just haven’t had the time, I guess. I’d love to, but either Sam needs babysat, Huck needs an extra hand at the diner, or Dad needs help around the house. And you saw what it was like the other morning, trying to walk through town. Someone always needssomethingfrom me. Plus, more than anything, trying to keep Dad’s fishing business alive takes up most of my time now.”
Tate nods in understanding.
I let out a shy chuckle before saying, “I’ve never told anyone this, but I’ve dreamed of clearing that field again and planting every flower imaginable in it. It’s my dream to open a cut flower business someday, just like mom wanted to.”
