Page 40 of (My Accidental) Killer Summer
“When it was good, or after it jumped the shark?”
“When it was good. Not the weird reboot.”
“It’s not a reboot, it’s a resuscitation. Which is ironic for a show about killing people.” I pause. “He used a boat. Took body parts out to sea after cutting them up in a plastic-lined room.”
Amy glances at Doug. “We’ve got the plastic part.”
“Step in the right direction.”
She taps her finger to her nose—her officialThinking Pose. “Clearly, no boat. But I like the idea of cutting him up. Easier to move.”
“How often do we plan to move him?”
“Maybe we do it in stages.” She pauses. “Oh! Do you have one of those electric carving knives? Like for turkey?”
I raise an eyebrow. “You want to dismember a man with a Thanksgiving turkey knife?”
“It’s electric! Less effort.”
“It's also designed for stuffing and thighs, not femurs. Plus, I don’t have one. Next.”
“Ax?”
“Should we livestream it too? Go full horror flick?”
“I didn’t hear a no.”
“We’d end up hacking at him like lunatics. He’s still full of blood and... stuff.”
“So, use a saw?”
“A hand saw?” I blink.
She starts giggling.
“What?” I ask.
“Remember that lumberjack contest? Two guys pulling a saw back and forth?”
“Oh God.”
“That’s what we need.”
I start to laugh. “Put Doug on two sawhorses, slice him in half?”
“We don’t have to stop at half. Keep going till he's in tiny parts.”
“Tiny Doug parts,” I snort. “Like his dick.”
“Ahh! Have you seen it?”
“Gross. No.”
We’re nearing the end of the joint when I have to relight it.
“We could burn him,” I say, instantly regretting it.
Amy rolls her eyes. “Where? The backyard? Sure, nothing suspicious about a corpse bonfire in the middle of the day.”
